July 15, 2003
FSM 347 CM/FM
—Personal Accounts from Radical System Dropouts
03/00
Copyright © 2000 by The Family
From Job (22), USA
I was born in California in 1976 and lived there until I was 16. Then I moved to New Mexico and got a job as a lumberjack. Around that time I got pretty heavy into drugs and Buddhism.
Some pretty interesting things happened during that time: When I first started taking LSD I kept getting visions of these prophets of God running around undercover, just blending in with the rest of the people, and I knew that I was one of them! Now this is fairly odd, considering my only contact with Christianity was a Christian preschool I went to till I was four. My mom was fully New Age and my dad was a Zen Buddhist.
I also couldn't stop thinking about Jesus. All my life I knew the End was near. I always had the feeling that either I would get a weird disease that no one could cure, or I'd do something no one else could do—like I was planetarily special or something. I'd get visions of the end of the world, of Jesus, and this special job I was going to have. They could've locked me up for thinking that I was some prophet in disguise or something.—That's what I felt like! I knew that there was a God and that He would always take care of me.—I never doubted that. But this prophet stuff was pretty heavy.
Well, I carried on the drug life for quite some time, got married, had a little one (she is two now), and was still searching for what this prophet business was all about. I literally filled my head with knowledge from every book and teacher, while trying to find out what exactly was going on with this invisible move of the spirit. I studied everything I could get my hands on about the spirit world and the supernatural. I basically dedicated my life to it. After searching for two years everywhere I possibly could without going to India, I was just about at the end of my rope.
By this time I had planned to buy a large piece of land in Montana or Wyoming—someplace cheap, and far enough away to avoid looters and bombs and things like that when the Crash came. I had it all planned out: I was going to go to Alaska to survey land for about $50 an hour for a whole summer. Then I would buy land together with a couple of other friends.
As I was on my way to Alaska with my wife, I pulled into a truck stop outside Indianapolis, Indiana, to cook some dinner. A really nice guy came to my door with a poster in his hand and asked me if I wanted it. I looked closer at it and saw it was no ordinary thing. I was freaked that someone would walk up and give me a poster like this! It was a picture of a guy that looked quite happy out in space, with a pyramid and all kinds of destruction around it (Final Signs of the End). I was terribly interested.
He started talking about the end of the world, and the big plan of this guy called the Antichrist, which was totally new to me. I was really interested, because I somehow knew that the end of the world and my prophet thing were closely related. This brother invited us over to his house for dinner, God bless him!
While we were there, the people at the Home just kept pouring the Word into us. We ended up staying there for about a week because our bus needed some work, and this sweet brother bent over backwards to help us.
The day came when the bus was ready and it was time to go. I went out to help this brother fix some things and my wife went out on a provisioning pickup. At about the same time that day, we both separately decided that it would be a very big mistake to leave; a door was open that might never be open again. So when we were both back at the house, we told each other that we both wanted to stay.
All this couldn't have happened if these brethren hadn't stopped to pray desperately and hear from the Lord about what to do that day, as it was a weekend and they normally did clowning. You can imagine how happy I was when I found out that I had found the End of the World Prophets and the answers that I was so desperately seeking. There are a lot of others out there like us, so keep your eyes open and your ears in tune with Jesus!
From Ruth, Russia
I am almost in the Family now. Almost doesn't mean that I am still hesitating to join; it's just a matter of time, because I have some legal obligations to take care of. My life is definite from now on: I am forsaking everything to serve Jesus. I feel as though I had been groping through a swamp, in complete darkness, when I stumbled and fell into the stinking mud. I was almost choking in it, and then miraculously a firm, loving Hand pulled me out of the dirt, rinsed me in the cool water of His Spirit, and placed me to dry under the bright, hot sun of His Love.
I was born in Russia and spent my childhood in a small mountainous town in the north. My mother was divorced and didn't want a strange man to bring up her only child. Out of principle there were no men in our apartment, but I don't think it helped anyone—certainly not the lonely, sexually unsatisfied, closed, tense and bitter woman who had to work so hard to provide her child with decent food, clothes, education and amusements! If she hadn't been so proud, I might have had a stepfather and a bit more parental attention—though that's not for sure either. My mother was 37 when I was born, and all the single men her age were either alcoholics (like my dad) or mentally ill or whatnot. In general, my mom didn't meet any decent men, so she brought me up alone.
In Soviet Russia, women were expected to stay at home nursing a baby only till it was one. So when I was a year old, my mom went back to work, and I was brought to a kindergarten. In those days they were terribly overcrowded, and one teacher had to look after 20 or more kids. As it's almost impossible to succeed in keeping an eye on such a horde of youngsters, in my vulnerable sixth year of life I watched my best friend drown in a swimming pool. He couldn't swim well, and was forgotten by weary teachers. For years I was haunted by nightmares, and by a sharp longing for my lost friend.
When I was seven I fell through the kitchen door, which was made of wood and glass. I broke the glass and cut myself badly, but I was able to call the neighbors and the whole matter ended with several scars on my hand. But I can remember another accident when a little boy broke a similar glass door and, being too scared and confused to get help, bled to death.
My mother had a well-paying job and enough money, but she had to work hard for it every day from 8 AM to 8 PM. I saw her twice a day: once when she woke me up in the morning (I had always had breakfast alone, because she was already gone by the time I got up), and then in the evening when she cooked supper and we ate together. And then I had to go to sleep.
My loneliness became sharper and more painful when my mom had to go to another town to take care of her mother, who had fallen ill. I was 12 and found myself having to begin a grown-up life on my own. The people who looked after me were satisfied with my promise to be a good girl, and came to see me at first every other day, then once a week, and then finally they just gave me their phone number and asked me to call them in case of emergency.
I lost their number and began to try to organize my little world. I urgently had to learn to cook, clean, and count money. At first I often lived from hand to mouth, because I spent the money I had been given on various trifles. But it was easy for me to learn, and I soon got used to keeping house. The only problem was my agonizing loneliness. I never had many friends then; probably because I was too closed up. Nevertheless, in a desolate apartment, new friends began to appear. First it was just folks I thought were my friends, then it was their acquaintances, and then friends of those acquaintances—more new faces came every day. As a well-bred girl, I met every new person with a hearty greeting, distributed slippers, and made tea.
One day when I was busy with cups and saucers, one of the friends—a young man about 10 years older than me—stopped me. He said, Okay, that's enough! Just relax and try this! The this was marijuana. Half a cigarette was enough to make me feel that sorrow and loneliness did not exist any more, that the world was shining with an ultraviolet bliss and joy, and that the strangers surrounding me were sweeter and closer than all my real friends put together. I remember pretty well my first time being high. My coughing and nausea from those first several inhalations soon disappeared, and I dove into the merry world of narcotic dreams. All my problems seemed so unimportant; I felt tremendous joy and tranquility—but in reality, new problems began.
I almost gave up on school, and went from being a top student to one of the worst in the class. The teachers pitied me: Poor little girl! Her mom is out, she has to keep house alone, and she just doesn't have time to study properly! I sure didn't!—My apartment was always overcrowded and noisy—and fun, I thought. Fun?—Gangs of drug addicts everywhere, someone high, someone just about to smoke or inhale, someone sleeping, other people having sex.
As for sex—12 is not too late to begin, is it? I had to do it to get my several cigarettes a day, to match the company, and to stay with that guy who had offered me my first cigarette and with whom I fell in love. He was not very smart, not very handsome, almost constantly irritating and rude, but I needed him desperately. Then one day he disappeared without any explanation. I was devastated. But then one of the guys had a sincere talk with me. He explained that life was not as complicated as I thought. That idiot didn't deserve you, he said. Here, take these pills, they'll cheer you up! The pills he gave me did cheer me up, and I gratefully went to bed with him—just like I used to go to bed with many others. It wasn't until later that I realized sex could be pleasurable, an act of love—that it could be wonderful, that it could be one of the greatest pleasures of this life.
Then when I was 14, I was taken to the hospital, unconscious, either from an overdose or from poor quality substance. My friends were so scared when this happened that they ran away and never came back.
For the following months I went back to school, and did my best to restore my reputation and become a top student again. I hated my life so much that it was unbearable to be considered dumb; my only comfort was that my teachers and classmates respected me. Besides, my mom was very happy when she returned to stay with me for another several months. She didn't know anything I had done while she was gone, and she still doesn't know.
Then my grandma died, and Mom stayed home for a half-year, but then spent six months looking after her invalid sister, who had nobody else to take care of her. And so I was alone again. As usual I suffered from lack of love, and tried to find people who I could make love with. But this time I couldn't find any. My loneliness was unbearable, chronic and hopeless, but I learned to put up with it. I just stopped thinking or acknowledging the truth. It was much easier to just sniff another dose of cocaine—that's what I was using by that time.
When I was 14 I seriously burnt my vocal cords and my throat by inhaling a mixture of petrol, glue and solvent. The stuff was so strong that it knocked me over! It caught my throat on fire, and my lungs were out of air. My voice completely disappeared. So my inhaling episode was pretty quickly over. I was so scared! Even now I lose my voice sometimes if there's petrol or glue somewhere near me.—It's a kind of an allergy, I think. It doesn't happen so often, thank God, but earlier I used to lose my voice almost every month. My mom still doesn't know the real reason for this. This is one of the consequences of being in the System—you get used to lying and covering up.
When I was 15 I changed schools. I met a sweet girl who became my best friend—my first real friend in all those years. She introduced me to her friends who played in a heavy metal group. They were longhaired, eccentric, and didn't take drugs. They said that their music itself was a great kick and that they were able to have fun and all the rest without drugs. How? They usually bought two or three boxes of vodka, and their partying continued for several days at a time.
The lead guitarist of the group, a boy whom I really loved and who loved me, was determined to help me fight my bad habits and former friends. Two months later he and his team moved into my apartment, and my drug addiction was exchanged for an addiction to tobacco, which I had for the next eight years until the Lord set me free from it. Thank You Jesus!
My boyfriend was talented, hot-tempered, and couldn't stand the slightest pressure. He also had problems with alcohol. Periodically he got dead drunk and solved all the problems in our relationship by beating me up! Then he usually knelt down and begged me to forgive him. My spirits flew up to the sky or fell down into the abyss, depending on whether he was drunk or sober. In the latter state he was the most affectionate, loving man in the world. He helped me to discover an entirely new type of sex—sex combined with love, which brought incredible joy and pleasure. Nevertheless, it couldn't compensate for those times of despair, where I dwelled most of the time.
My boyfriend was sure that he was the master of his fate, that he knew where to go, that he knew best! And he was drowning in the marsh of hard drinking.—We were drowning together, because I hoped to change him, to drag him out—a naïve girl like me! We were together for a year and a half. Then the band was invited to the big city to make their first album.
So I was alone again, without any friends. But I was glad I was alone, because for the first time I had the chance to think everything over, to try to make up for the stormy wreckage of my teen years. I felt such contempt for my stinking self, such an aversion and hatred, that I decided, Never again! I don't want any people anymore. I hate life!
During my first year in university, I hid in a shell of loneliness, and studied hard. A sudden love affair with a guitarist of another heavy metal group who ran away two months later didn't encourage me either. I felt like I couldn't open up anymore! While I was in this state, I met the man who was to be my husband. My husband was intellectual and analytical, and at the same time sensitive, considerate and delicate. All this had helped him to become one of the prominent psychologists in the city. He helped me a lot and loved me very much. Years passed and I began to feel as if I were recovering after a serious disease. I had a family, and sincerely wanted to try to become my husband's reflection. I wanted to adopt all his values: money, more money, much more money, a child or two—all of what Systemites think will make them happy. And endless faithfulness and loyalty. He would tell me, You are my world, my life, and nothing else matters.
But eventually I couldn't accept that this man was my whole world. It seemed to me that my life was not limited to him alone. I didn't want to be his life, to be responsible for his physical existence. Once he told me that he would kill himself if I left him. He went into the bathroom determined to cut his veins. I was weeping and swearing that I would forsake everything—my friends, my work, my studies, everything, if he would just not do it. Since then I felt responsible for his well-being and his life—a terrible responsibility! It oppressed and bound me.
We even ceased to quarrel. I was afraid to offend him for fear he would fulfill his intentions—and I knew he could! He was affectionate, loving, thoughtful, considerate and tender, but all those attributes came with a price: my total obedience and loyalty to him. He wanted to be my god. I could neither do nor speak what I wanted, because he was so sensitive and vulnerable, and couldn't take it. So I tried to find a man who would, and found many. I felt so guilty, but it gave me a sense of freedom. In fact, I was never really free.
I received Jesus in March 1999. I prayed the salvation prayer without paying much attention to it. I simply repeated the prayer, and that was it! Jesus had me—forever!
During the next three days I had a chance to think it all over—thinking about those sweet and unusual people I met the other day. And on the day we met again, they patiently answered my silly questions, which I now know every sheep asks. They said, You need faith, and then the bus came and they left.
I pensively walked home. I was completely perplexed! The whole day seemed unusual and strange, and I was trying to figure out what was wrong. Then I suddenly understood: These people I had met were happy, and I wasn't! They had found the Answer, and I hadn't! I suddenly felt so empty, weary and unsatisfied. And at that very moment something clicked: But I am not empty anymore; I asked Him to come in! Is that all you need to know in order to not feel empty?! Then came the doubts: Is He really in me? How can it be? And the answer: I simply need faith! The day exploded with new bright colors!
The following week I was constantly thinking about Jesus and about the Family, and reading the Gospel of John. I was longing for them to call, and when they did I caught hold of them. They were my last chance, and Jesus was my last hope! I didn't even want to live anymore, but Jesus saved me. The Family saved me! I fell in love with them and with the Lord and His Word. I felt His overwhelming love, and it was all I wanted and needed. Jesus and His Word made me whole, content and happy.
The problems with my husband began at once. When I finally mustered up my courage and explained the matter to him, he was furious! He shouted at me, trying to insult me into giving it up. Finally it all ended, and as usual he wept and begged me not to leave him. I felt terribly guilty and low, but I told him I wanted to serve the Lord, even at the expense of breaking up our family.
I asked for some time to make up my mind if I would stay and serve the Lord with him, or if I would do it without him. I was desperately asking the Lord what He wanted me to do, but it seemed as though He wanted me to choose for myself. I prayed desperately for Him to free me from my husband, and to let him find some girl who could be a better mate for him. And by the time I returned from my summer vacation with the Home, my husband announced that he had a girlfriend and was eager to apply for a divorce as soon as possible. Thank You Jesus!
Jesus set me free with His perfect love—love that suffereth long, that beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things, love that never faileth! Love that belongs to me only because I am His precious child, His bride, His witness! I still can't understand how He can love me, but I know He does. And I'm so grateful—to lay down my life seems the least I can do for Him. All my life I was trying to find such love, but there's no love in the System. The System doesn't love anybody! It just consumes its children and then throws them out—disappointed, disillusioned, frustrated, wicked and embittered. But Jesus is always here, waiting for you to receive Him and His love and light and happiness—His Eternity! Oh Jesus, I love You so much!
Now, though my legal obligations are still not done, I'm trying my hardest to serve Him as best I can in the situation I am in. I see and feel that He loves me dearly and takes care of me and gives me His eternal rewards right now. Praise the Lord!
What in the System can compare with His love? What can be brighter than His light? What job can the System offer? What job can be better than serving Him? And what reward is greater than His eternal rewards in Heaven? I forsook everything, and I am joining the Family as soon as I'm done with my legal obligations. For the first time in my life I feel whole and happy. I'm happy that He has taken me, and that He needs me, and that I can serve Him and be with Him forever.
Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and pride of life is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away and the lust thereof, but he that doeth the will of God abideth forever (1 Jn.2:15-17).
From Angela (24), Romania
I joined the Family almost three years ago, and these have been the happiest and most beautiful years of my life.
At 16 years old, one year after the Romanian Revolution (in 1989), I received Jesus, and my whole life changed. My heart burned with the desire to do something for Him, and I spent the next four years going to different churches, looking for a place to serve the Lord. But the more I looked, the more disappointed I became.
When I finished high school, I went to university to study computer science. One of my friends knew the Family and was going witnessing with them. She started reading me the Treasures and teaching me how to witness. Later she introduced me to the Family.
Then I went to Germany for a two-month holiday. When I came back, the Home had moved and my colleague was living somewhere else, so I lost contact with the Family for a while. That's when I met two Adventist missionaries who were going to Africa. After two weeks, I decided I would go with them. So all in one evening, I told my dad: I'm gonna drop out of university. I'm gonna become a missionary, and I'm going to Africa!
My mother beat me up. They just couldn't comprehend my decision! Finally, I packed my things and ran away from home. I went to live with other Family catacombers (including my friend, who I had gotten back in touch with by this time) who were dropped out and were waiting to join the Family. I kept working with the Adventist missionaries, but all the while singing Family songs, and distributing Family posters and Mountain Streams in their churches. But the Adventist pastor didn't like it that I wore earrings, and pants instead of a long skirt. So he had a talk with me about it. When I saw how limited and hypocritical they were, I just started to laugh and laugh. I couldn't stop laughing! I think the Lord allowed this last encounter with the churches so I could get completely fed up with them. Those missionaries were much more dedicated than the average churchgoers, and they wanted to serve Jesus and give their life to Him, so Jesus was setting them free. But they were still bound by their church laws.
Meanwhile, I felt lost. I wanted to be a missionary, but not for a church, just for Jesus. As long as you work with a church you need to conform to them and try to get people to come to their church. I wanted to preach the Gospel, just as it is: free Salvation.
That's when Daniel (who is now my husband) came to Romania. I started going witnessing with him every day. God bless him! He had faith in me, even when I was so confused and it seemed I was never going to come through. One day he challenged me to pray and see what the Lord wanted me to do, where He wanted me to be, and to choose between the Family and the church. He gave me three days to make a decision.
I got desperate and prayed for the Lord to show me what to do. The Family was everything I had been looking for all these years, but at the same time I didn't know too much about them, and my churchy friends had taken care to inform me of everything negative that they knew.
Then I had a vision. As I was praying one day, I was transported to Heaven. I entered a big, long room, and at the end was a white throne, on which an older man was sitting. At that time I had never seen Dad, but I had heard of him, and I knew it was him. I knelt and bowed before him, and he took my hand and kissed it gently and said: Welcome, my child! He spoke with so much love! (After I joined and saw Dad on video, he looked just the same as he had in the vision!)
Now I knew I was chosen to be one of the children of David. I knew what I had to do. The next day I told Daniel I wanted to join the Family. So I started my time as an official catacomber. I started to work on my relationship with my parents, as up till that point I had not been in touch with them. After three months, the Home invited me to spend the weekend with them, so I could slowly start living in the Home.
But the same morning my mom called and told me that she was very sick. She wanted me to come and help her, make her tea, etc. As I was working on my relations with her, I went ahead to help her. I was spending time with her, praying for her and trying to be a sample to her of the Lord's love.
But while I was in the bathroom, she called the police. Just as I was about to leave, the doorbell rang. I opened the door and there stood two men, who identified themselves as police from National Security. They asked my name. Not knowing what was going on I told them my name, and they asked me to come with them for interrogation. At this point I was still wondering what was happening, until my mom came out of the back room and started talking with them. Then I realized she had arranged everything. I felt so betrayed! I couldn't believe it.
So I left with the two policemen. They passed me over to another man who told me to write down everything I knew about the Family—the names of everyone I knew, all their addresses, phone numbers and other details. I was desperately praying about how to get out of doing it. The Lord gave me the verse, But when they deliver you up, do not worry about how or what you should speak. For it will be given to you in that hour what you shall speak; for it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father Who speaks in you (Mat.10:19,20). The Lord spoke to me and I started to write how I had received the Lord, the Salvation prayer, and about different people that I knew from the churches. All this took up a few pages.
When I was finished, the guy looked briefly at my paper and put it in a file that he took from the closet. In that file was my mother's complaint, a newspaper with a negative article about the Family that my parents had sent, and few other papers that I couldn't see.
Then he asked me to follow him. He took me to the office of the chief of police, who was waiting for me. This man talked with me very politely for about an hour, but he was so deceiving! He said I should go back to the university and live a normal life and forget about all these things, obey the counsel of my parents who were just thinking about my future, and so on. Again, I was desperately praying. The Lord showed to be agreeable to a certain extent and not to contradict him, but to use a lot of wisdom. He gave me the verse, Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are in the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison (Mat.5:25). So I told him, Thank you for being concerned about me and my well-being, and for your counsel. I will take it into consideration and I will try to do what I can to make my parents happy. With this answer he was satisfied, and let me go.
After this I had to wait six more months before I was able to join. During that time I was getting more and more desperate with the Lord. The Lord did so many miracles for me, both big and small. Because of the problems with the police, the Home suggested it would be better to have written permission from at least one parent before I joined, even though I was already of legal age. They also asked me to pray about the possibility of going back to finish the two years I had left of university, if my parents wouldn't be pacified any other way. When I heard this I felt like my heart was breaking; I didn't want to be in the System even for one more day! For the next two weeks, every night I prayed desperately on my knees, crying out to the Lord to do it. After that we met with my mother, and she signed a paper agreeing for me to join, PTL! What a miracle!
I saw that the Lord had brought out so much good from all the persecution, trials and tests I had to go through. It was worth it all! One good thing was that because I had to fight for my place in the Family, I treasure it all the more. By the Lord's grace, I will not let go of it because I know 100% that this is where I belong, and we have the truth.
The Lord has blessed me so much during these years in the Family! He gave me a wonderful husband, Daniel, and a sweet knew disciple Nadia (now 1½), and another one on the way, TTL! My parents have also changed a lot. Even though they still don't understand completely, they are happier. I love you!
From Daniel (Francesco), Chile
I was born on September 11, 1978, in Coyahique, the capital of the XI Region. My parents are descendents of European colonists, and at the time of my birth they were hippies. When I was two we lived on an island, and my parents then decided they didn't want to live together anymore. This was later to be the cause of many conflicts in my life.
From ages two till five I lived mainly with my father. My father then sent me to live with my grandparents. They were quite old and not able to care for me fully, so they sent me to boarding school. Even at this very young age I was very perceptive of the world around me and the situation I was in, and realized more and more how very far away and impossible my dreams were of belonging to a loving family.
Although my father was involved in my education from a distance, he led his own life, with his job and a new family. My mother, on the other hand, had failed at her various attempts to build a new family. Her dream was to one day give to me what I most desired, but unfortunately she was never able to do this.
Five years later the Lord took my grandfather to Heaven, so at eleven years of age I returned to Coyahique to be closer to my father. This trip marked the beginning of another stage in my life. I lived with a friend of my father's; she was a nice person, but behaving as a normal boy my age, I would frequently frustrate her. I wanted my freedom and began searching for spiritual truths, so it didn't take her long to decide that I couldn't stay with her. I went for refuge to my girlfriends, who were sympathetic but couldn't fill the hunger I felt inside for something more.
The Lord, in His perfect timing, then arranged for me to go live with an aunt of my father's, who took me under her wing. She was living with one of her daughters, Claudia, who was in the same state as I was—or perhaps worse. She was still searching for the truth at 20 years of age. I started turning to alcohol, vices and girlfriends, yet my desire for love and a family remained unfulfilled, along with the uncertainty of what would become of my life, and the reason for my existence. With my weak faith I tried to get closer to God, although I didn't understand very much.
One day after Claudia returned from a trip to Santiago, the Lord started working in my life. The most exciting and vibrant stage in my life was about to unfold. Claudia had met some Family brethren who had filled her with a desire to witness and spread the Gospel and message of salvation. This had drastic repercussions in my life.
One day, after listening to my crying and questions, Claudia told me that the reason for everything was Jesus. He was love, and all I had to do was accept Him into my heart and life and He would give me a new start. After three years of breakings, at the age of 18, I forsook all to join the Lord's Army. There I found the love and Family I had been searching for so long for. Jesus gave me life and love— everything. Hallelujah!
From Caleb, Nigeria
In August 1997, I met Family members who were witnessing on the university campus where I was studying. They told me they were missionaries, and that their job was to teach the Word and to win souls. I had been a Christian for years and winning souls was my ultimate desire. Now I'd found the right people! I fell in love with them, with their vision and their work.
I was so excited, and told my family all about them. They liked it, but were a little afraid because I was going so far to the extreme. They had questions like: Are you sure they're not one of these Christian cults? I didn't want to bother with that; I saw the fruits of the Spirit in these guys.
But I did start to feel cautious, though I was still close to the Family. Then came the bombshell: I was told about the doctrine of sinless sex. At that point I couldn't take it. It was too heavy. I now agreed with my family that maybe these people were part of a cult. I was not sure of this new doctrine, though I was praying for God to reveal to me if it was from Him. So I stayed away.
I couldn't go back to my old church; it was too lukewarm after what the Family had taught me. For two years I moved from church to church, still waiting for God to show me what to do. Then something happened. I had a job with an oil company and my pastor worked in the same office as I did. He had to sign certain papers before I'd get my salary, but to my surprise he refused to do so, and might have also taken my money. I kept going to him for the papers but he kept lying to me. I was so disappointed that my pastor could do such a thing that I left that church, and eventually left the job too.
I went back to school fulltime to finish up my university studies. I had stopped going to church but I still needed some kind of Christian fellowship, so I went back to the Family. This time I wanted to be convinced of this sinless sex doctrine, so I kept going for more classes, and also kept praying for God to show me if it was true. I really wanted to be a disciple, but I got stuck on this strange doctrine. I wasn't able to tell anybody else because I thought they would not understand. I kept it to myself, and kept telling God about it.
Gradually I began experiencing peace inside. Deep in my spirit, God began telling me about the origins of sex, right from the Garden of Eden. I was able to understand this level of God's grace through Jesus, and was now ready to join the Family as a full-time disciple! I was ready to give up my university education, my business, my family—anything. At this time God was giving me dreams. I'd see myself amongst soldiers, marching to war and singing songs like, We Are Soldiers of Christ.
Now my prayer was, Lord, I want to be a disciple! Open the door for me! At this time my family was the only thing holding me back from joining, as they were not ready for this. My older brother said I should finish school first, and I had responsibilities taking care of my younger sisters' welfare, their schooling, etc.
I kept praying, Lord, please work things out! It's too heavy for me! And then God did it. My older sister, who is married to a pastor who was trying to stop me from joining the Family, came home one evening so excited, and told me that a prophecy was given for me in their church. The prophecy said that I should go ahead with what I wanted to do, that it was God's will! When I heard this I jumped out of bed and shouted a loud, Amen! Now that I had the support of my family and God had opened the doors, nothing could stop me.
On August 18th, 1999, I joined the Family. I pray God will help me to be a good soldier and a good example of Christ.
From Eric, Mexico
My story is unusual, as I left the Family in my 20's and came back in my 40's I wallowed in the world for 15 years, and I now wake up every day full of gratitude that the Lord in His everlasting mercy gave me another chance after forsaking my plow so many years ago.
I met the Family in a U.S. prison in 1972, where a couple of brothers had a catacomb ministry. I had been in correctional institutions for over four years off and on, during the ages of 12 to 18—for drugs, draft violations, etc. I was 18 when I met the Family. From the moment I received Jesus and read my first MO Letter, I knew I would serve the Lord forever. But then in Europe in 1980, I got way off track. I had a System job and was discouraged. Unlike many others who stuck it out during the tough years after the RNR, I gave up my calling [and my wife and daughter] and decided to try the System for a while.
I went back to the United States and got a job, to the delight of my relatives. After two or three weeks of work, I was missing the Family and knew I would never be satisfied doing anything else. So one month after leaving the Family I decided I would go back. I soon went to Hawaii, but not finding any Family there, I got another job. I got comfortable and worked for four more years in restaurants. I had a little cottage on the beach and was a kitchen manager at work. I forgot my pledge to come back to the Lord.
Then some guys tried to kill me for firing their sister from the restaurant. Her two brothers ran me off the road as I was riding my motorcycle home one night. Then they shot at me as I ran towards the beach. I knew the Lord was trying to shake me up. So the next day I sold all my things to my roommate, took all my money out of the bank, and flew to the Philippines.
It was now 1984. I told myself that I would rejoin on the field, as I hated the States and never wanted to return there. But I went to the Philippines with the same problems, and the Lord still had many lessons to teach me. I married a Filipino and had a son in 1987. I met a couple from South America who were trying to return to the Family, so we teamed up together and tried to make a Home. I also worked in movies and became an actor/stuntman. But as Dad said, Once God has spoken to you and called you, He will never let you be happy or satisfied doing anything else but what He wants you to do.
By the time I felt I was ready to seriously give 110% and forsake all, the Family disappeared from the Philippines. I didn't know at the time about the Family's exodus. I was very discouraged. Then in 1990, during the Gulf War, my sister sent me a ticket and I returned to the States. My sister and other relatives were delighted that I had finally woken up. They said the Family was something from my teen years that was nice at the time, but that now I was an adult with a wife and child, and I needed to put the past behind me and forget my dreams of rejoining. For the first time I started to listen to them.
I got a well-paying job and a nice apartment and car. Then I sent for my wife and son. My wife left me six months later for a younger man. For the next 3½ years, I raised my son on my own and worked. I was miserable inside, and turned to alcohol and cable TV. I tried to forget about everything.
I was at my lowest point in 1993-1994. I was in the depths of despair. I even considered suicide. It was only for my son's sake that I didn't do it. I still had my MO Letter Volumes and one night I opened one, and a quote popped out at me: If you'll even start going God's way, if you turn towards Him and try to find your way home, the Father will come running toward you and take you in His arms. I started weeping and cried out to the Lord to help me. I was too weak to do it on my own. I told Him to either bring me back to His service, or to take me home.
A few days later I got a letter from my daughter in the Family, whom I hadn't seen since she was 6 months old. She told me she had been praying for me for years, and that her heart's desire was for me to rejoin the Family. Soon after, my ex-mate called and wrote. She encouraged me to visit the Home nearby and start fellowshipping. The Lord was working.
I went over to the D.C. Home. I was excited and nervous at the same time. How would they react? Would they welcome me or shun me? I had not been in a Home since I left in 1980. Well, they welcomed me with open arms. I started fellowshipping and catching up on all the Letters I had missed over the years. I witnessed with them on the weekends.
But I didn't want to be a friend or supporter. I knew that my helmet was attached all those years, and I would only be happy serving the Lord fulltime. Dust, Anne, Jason and others there were such an encouragement to me. Finally, in the spring of 1995, Anne called me with the news I had longed to hear for so long. The Home council had agreed to let me begin my trial period! We set a date, but she told me to just take a leave of absence from my job and keep my apartment, in case it didn't work out. After all, I was 40 years old and had been out of the Family for so long. Maybe I would be too set in my ways, or would find CM life too hard. Well, Lord help me, I quit my job and got rid of my apartment. I felt bad, as the first thing I did on rejoining was to disobey and ignore their counsel, but I knew that the Lord would help me make it. Here was my chance, and I wasn't going to let it slip away again.
The day I rejoined was like walking in a dream. I had a mattress on the floor in the boys' room, and I loved it! I've been in the Family ever since, and I still can't believe it. I feel so unworthy sometimes. Why did He bring me back when there are so many other more talented and on-fire former members out there? I'm not an inspirationalist; I don't know computers; I'm not a flashy witnesser, but the Lord showed me that He didn't care about that. He looked at my heart. In spite of all my failures and backsliding, the Lord saw that in my heart all I ever wanted was Him, and when I finally realized that it was only the Lord and not me, He took me back.
My ministry is now childcare. When I rejoined, my Filipino wife took my son back and it broke my heart. But the Lord promised to repay me a hundredfold—and He has! I have lots of children who need me. What a challenging, rewarding ministry! I love you very much, and promise that with the Lord's help I will stay faithful to you and the Lord forever. (Update: Eric is now on the mission field of Latin America. He is married to a sweet Latin sister who had one child when they got together, and they have now had a second child as well. Praise the Lord!)
From Chinese Lily, Taiwan
I am just like any other person my age in my country. All our early years we study, study, study; our parents tell us we don't need to think about anything else. The only things everyone is concerned about are getting a good grade, passing tests, and going to college. They say that then we'll have a good job, good pay, and we'll be happy!
So for three years in senior high school, I'd get up at 6:00 AM, and go to school at 7:00 AM or earlier. School would finish at 5:30 PM, and then after dinner it was back to school from 7:00 till 9:00 PM, then back home to study until 11:00 PM.—But that's only for the first and second year. The third year I studied until 1:00 AM, and I was usually the first one in bed! The rest of my schoolmates went to bed between 3:00 and 5:00 AM. It sounds crazy, but that was our school life.
After summer vacation on the second year, the blackboard had a big sign that said: 365 days! Keep fighting! Every day the teacher would take away one number to remind us how much time was left. There was no time for fun or dates or boyfriends—just lots of pressure. My fear of not passing the final exam was stronger than my desire to have a boyfriend! Each of our hearts' desire was to pass the exam and go to college.
School life was a nightmare. In the last three months of school, we had tests almost every hour, because the teachers wanted to know how many of us would past the final exam, so they tested us all the time. Grades became such a big thing in our lives!
I'll never forget the first time I visited the Family. I felt so much love from everyone—from adults to kids! I had never met them before, but I felt I'd known them for a long time. Even though I didn't understand a word they said, I knew I was welcome, that people were happy to see me and that they loved me—even though they didn't know me!
I asked them what made them so happy and gave them so much love for a stranger like me. They told me it was because they have Jesus in their hearts. Jesus gives them love to love others, Jesus gives them happiness and peace, and most of all, He is love!
It took me two years to find out whether I was willing to give up my life for Jesus. And now, being in the Family, I can proudly tell you it was worth it! I know most of you know that, but in case you may wonder if it is worth it for you to stay or not, I can tell you: This is the best place to live in the world, and the best place for those who are serious with the Lord. This is the best place to serve Jesus.
What made me join the Family is love; what makes me stay in the Family is love; what makes me want to keep going is love! The Family teaches me how to love, how to give, how to feel what other people feel, which I never learned in the System. The only thing I learned in school was how to study, but I know so little compared to the young people in the Family! If I have my own kids one day, I will let them grow up in the Family, because I know this is the best place to be!
In the Family, you have the best parents in the world. During my teen life, I hardly saw my dad. When he came home from work I was asleep; when I woke up he was gone. I knew he cared about us—as he worked so hard—but I didn't need money, I needed a dad and a place to call home! I never had heart-to-heart time with my parents; I wish I could have! I wish I could have had a picnic with my family, or parent times or parent day. I wish someone had understood enough to show that they cared about me by listening and telling me, Don't worry, everything will be okay, I'm here. I wish when I was crying there had been someone to hug me or be there for me.
I know my parents loved us a lot, but being Chinese, we didn't show much love by affection. I never hugged my dad my whole life, until once two years ago when my grandpa died. I love my dad a lot, and I pray for him every day. I hope one day I can have heart-to-heart time with my parents, even just once. The only time we had a home meeting was when my parents wanted to tell us they were going to separate.
People who knew me before I met the Lord knew that I was always afraid. All my life, I never felt secure. I am still afraid of some things, but deep in my heart I know I am safe, 'cause I have Jesus and everybody in the Family. Some of you might not know how it feels to wait in an empty house for someone to come back at night, knowing there is a strange guy hanging around outside. Maybe you don't know how frightening it is to see your parents fight, and not being sure if everything is going to be okay. You don't know who is right and who is wrong. These things are not uncommon in the System! My dad didn't hit my mom often, but when he did, it hurt me to see Mom get hurt, and it scared me. Then Mom would leave us for a while. I became afraid of men, especially when they got mad—afraid to get hurt also. But when I found the Family, I knew I would be safe. I know men here are loving and sweet.
I love the Family because the Family teaches me how to love, and how to give. And the Words I read in the Family are the most precious jewels, which I never saw in the System. I don't mean the System doesn't have good things; they do. But we have the best! The Word I read washes away the darkness in my life, and gives me a new life of love in return!
Being a Family member I don't have much in the world's eyes, but in other ways I have plenty!—I have all of you! You are all my Family, even though I have never met many of you, I know we have each other. Just thinking about this makes me think I am the richest girl in the world. I have so much love, more than I can even dream of! The Lord even blessed me so much He gave me a man I love, and it's a beautiful experience for me.
I just want to tell everyone how happy I am in the Family, and that I love all of you and Mama and Peter. I love you! Thank you all for making my life beautiful! The Family helped me find true love, and that's why I am here now.
PS: Once I was talking with my former friends, who all have had higher education, or have lots of things for themselves. They told me, You know what, Lily? Amongst all of us, you have the least but you are the happiest! But they are wrong! I am the happiest, but I am the richest, too! Thanks for making me rich in love and in the Spirit and in the Words, my Family. I love you!
From Marie, Thailand
My name is Marie Claire, and I've been in the Family for three years. I was born into a family of five. We lived upcountry, near the mountains, and surrounded by rice fields, cornfields, etc. My parents are farmers. I was raised very simply; my mother and father worked hard to help our family. They didn't have much to offer us materially, but we were happy. When I turned 14, I left home to work, and lived with my two sisters. I worked very hard, 12 hours a day. My sister always looked after me, helped and protected me from harm. We lived in the same room, and we worked hard to raise money to support our family and pay for our needs. It was a tough life, but it was fun. At 15, I went to live and work on my own.
I met the Family when I was 15—a sweet brother who worked in the same restaurant as I did at the time. He looked very humble, and he smiled at me with a warm, loving smile. I could tell that there was something in his eyes. He gave me a beautiful poster, a picture of Jesus and the children, and my older sister bought a few tapes from him.
I read the whole text on the back of the poster. I didn't understand the picture, but after I read the message, something made me want to know more about Jesus. I thought of writing that brother, but something held me back from doing it.
Then one day my sister phoned me, saying she'd became a Christian! She invited me to come live with her in Bangkok. This was 1992, and I was 17. So my sister invited me to meet her Christian friends (the Family). They told me about Jesus and asked if I would like to receive Jesus in my heart, so I did. After I prayed I felt so much peace! My fear was gone. I knew that I had eternal life.
I had always believed in miracles, because when I was a child I prayed and my requests came true. I tested the Lord many times, asking Him to do a miracle if He was real. I believed that Jesus had laid down His life for my sins, although I didn't know that I had sin at that time. When I got my first New Testament, I read about how Jesus died, in the Gospels of Matthew and John. It was so sad! I could not stop crying!
The Lord did many wonderful miracles for me, and for my sister and my family. He made me a new person! I used to be very shy. Some of my naughty friends would test me, to see if the Lord was real and could help me in times of trouble, but He never let me be put to shame. For example, they would hide my shoes and tell me to ask God for help. I was very desperate! But after I prayed, the Lord spoke to me and I found them right away. Things like this happened to my sister and me a lot. Sometimes our old friends would say that we had betrayed our old religion and we wanted to be like a falang (foreigner). But I was happy that my falang friends were sweet and friendly—which was completely different from the way my old friends were. Hallelujah!
I knew the Family for four years before I joined. I went through many trials and battles and heartbreaks. When I finished high school in Bangkok, having studied a little accounting, I went to work in an export company for two years. It was nice to be able to work hard and have money to get whatever you like or need. But these things didn't satisfy my need for happiness, and the people who said they were my friends were not always sincere. I had a good job and good boss, and good pay, compared to other young people my age. But while I was working I was also visiting the Family, and I knew I didn't fit in with the System people. I couldn't even get along with my close friends any more since I met the Lord, because my beliefs were so different from theirs.
I went through many difficult situations that made me desperate for the Lord. As time went by, these words kept coming to my mind: Only one life, 'twill soon be past: only what's done for Christ will last. The Lord was calling me to give my life for Him and for others.
Then my shepherd heard from the Lord about me joining the Family. When I got the prophecy, I knew I had to make a decision—to choose between serving the Lord or living a selfish life. I felt like I was going crazy; I wanted to run away and hide! But eventually I realized that I couldn't hide from God. I cried for many days, because it was quite hard for me. But then I saw a vision of the Lord calling me to be a soldier in His army. Praise the Lord!
I want to say thank you to all my faithful, loving shepherds: Faith and Andrew, Rejoice and John, Thai Gloria, Thai Pat, Thai Heaven and Maggie, and all my sweet friends from the Homes in Thailand. You guys were so sweet and never gave up on me. You kept calling me and visiting me, wherever I was. I really appreciate you, and admire your patience. It proved how much love you have for Jesus.—Without you I wouldn't be here today. I love you very, very much!
From David Apostol of (Paloma), Russia
I grew up in a small town in Spain. My father was a farmer, and owned a large amount of farmland. When I finished elementary school, my parents decided to send me to a government-sponsored academy to study agricultural engineering. I studied there for several years. Besides the property, lands, animals and a bakery that my parents owned, my uncles owned a construction company, a paper factory, and various related businesses. Two of them were also high-ranking officers in the army. I could have taken a good position in their firms or in the military if I had wished. One of my relatives was also a cardinal (of the Catholic Church), who was a private counselor to Francisco Franco (Spain's head of state at that time). From time to time my family would get special favors or job positions from him.
But at the age of 18, I was a disappointed, dissatisfied searcher, a lost member of society and a hippie. Then I met the Family and got saved! I quit drugs, smoking and drinking, and I threw my whole room full of records out the window. For once I saw light, sanity, a reason to live, and answers to my many questions!
After awhile my father became ill with cancer and passed away. Along with my mother, I became the owner of my family's properties, and my own boss.
Shortly after this, Spain became part of the European Community. My brother-in-law came into a high position of responsibility in the business world. Many European and other foreign companies were starting joint ventures with Spanish ones, and my brother-in-law's job was to test and choose personnel—from administrators to vice directors and directors—for a large number of national and international firms and companies. He rolled out the red carpet for me, to take my pick of numerous jobs. I could choose a position, money, influence—in any city I chose.
The day he offered this we had a long talk on many subjects, including my newfound faith. I thanked him for his offer, but told him that I was headed towards a new way of life: following Jesus' footsteps and going around the world to preach the Gospel.
Now, almost twenty years later, I've lived in 21 cities and 15 different countries, from Spain to India, Portugal, different countries in northern Europe, Latvia, and now Russia. It seems like the Lord's plan for me has been always to be on the go, pioneering some place, establishing the work, winning disciples, and then moving on. At the same time, my wife and I are raising our 11 children as missionaries, living by faith.
One last note: The decision to forsake all that I made twenty years ago wasn't once and for all; it's a daily one. Today, twenty years later, I still have some of the same options I had—I could go back and still have my pick of the world. But like Moses, I choose rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season, esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt (Hebrews 11:25-26).
From Lydia, India
I come from a Christian family. I knew Jesus from my childhood, and by the time I met the Family in 1987, I had visited almost all the denominations in South India, searching for satisfaction and fulfillment in my life. But I didn't have any success. Three months before I met the Family, I went through a very dark period in my life because I lost my father, to whom I was very close. I became very secluded and didn't want to meet anybody. I remember specifically praying to Jesus and telling Him I was not happy, in spite of having had Him in my heart for so many years and taking Sunday classes, attending youth meetings and all the rest. I pleaded with Him to make me happy and to use me, by leading me to the right group where I could serve Him.
In the beginning of 1987, I got a job teaching 18- to 22-year-old girls. I was flipped out with this new task! I was quite busy with my job and completely forgot about myself. In my free time I read two inspiring books about Muslims getting saved in South Africa. The author said that South Africa needed missionaries, so I started praying about and planning to go to South Africa to preach the Gospel as a missionary.
Then one day in February 1987, around 7:00 PM, two Family missionaries came to my place. My sister asked me to go and talk to them. I answered that I was busy reading and told my sister to entertain them. While my sister was talking to them, some kind of power literally pulled me into the living room! I talked to them, and had many questions regarding Jesus' second coming. I wanted answers to the many questions that I had. They were very sweet and gave me the posters, Watch Out for 666 and The Endtime News, and some cassettes.
I told them I was planning to go to South Africa to preach the Gospel. They suggested, Why don't you stay in India and preach the Gospel?—It's your own country and there's so much to do, and you know the language. I thought about it and agreed that this was true, so I asked if I could preach the Gospel with them.
Two days later they picked me up and took me witnessing door-to-door. I was thrilled! This was what I had wanted all my life. I knew the Lord had heard my prayer! My life took a turn for the better. They would come to my place regularly to follow up on me, and I started attending Meaningful Meetings. I started being happy and friendly with people, and my family noticed this change in my life. They were very happy to see me this way. Thank You Jesus! I started fellowshipping more and more with the Family—twice a day, and on the weekends I would stay at their home.
All my family members were happy to a certain extent with what I was doing and that I was busy for the Lord. But at the same time they wanted me to get married and settle down. They were trying to find a suitable man for me, but in my heart I knew the Lord was going to give me someone who knew the Family, loved Dad and did the type of work I wanted to do. But when I brought these things up to people, they all thought I'd gone mad after too much education (by this time I had received my Ph.D.).
Then I got together with a brother who had been in the Family for two years and then had left. I didn't know much about former members, so he proposed to me and we got married shortly after. By this time there was no Home in the city I was living in, but we met a Hindu family who was very interested in Jesus. We started working with them, they brought their friends, and soon the work started growing. We started writing to the Family again, and though at first they were hesitant to accept us, after seeing our catacomb work they started coming and shepherding us all. It was marvelous! We enjoyed witnessing, Bible classes, inspiration, cooking, eating, fellowshipping, etc., with the catacombers. My husband and I were in that city for four-and-a-half years, and during that time ten disciples joined the Family to serve the Lord full time. Thank You Jesus!
Then my husband's family began facing some problems. My husband sensed that the support we were getting from his family towards the Lord's work might stop due to this crisis. So he wanted to go to his parents' place and help his mother in her business. By the end of 1993, I also joined him there. We started our own school, and started having to comply with the System quite a lot. We couldn't do much for the Lord, though we continued supporting the Family and gave lump sums to any Family members who would visit.
In spite of this, my heart started getting empty again. I just wasn't happy with the life I was leading. I had to put up a front and I couldn't even be myself or be honest with my own husband. I started feeling that this life was not for me. By the end of 1995, I left my husband and rejoined the Family in another city. Since then I've been doing so much witnessing, CTPs and provisioning, and I'm just so happy! It's like I've finally come back home. Thank the Lord, and thank the Family!
From Wilfried, Holand
I am from Arnhem, Holland. The first nine years of my life I lived in orphanages. My father took off when I was born, and my mother couldn't take care of me. Then, when I was nine, I was adopted.
After the adoption, the real problems started. My foster parents and I didn't get along very well, because they wanted me to reach a certain ideal they had formed in life, to follow their way of having a career and being successful. But I couldn't reach it; I had other ideas for my life. So, after a lot of arguments and hanging out lonely on the streets, staying away overnight at times, I was told at 16 years old to leave their house. I was on my own. I went from one house to another but I was not very happy, and my job didn't go well either. I worked as a cook, learning while on the job.
Finally I found a good job as a cook in a restaurant. I had a good salary and nice friends and my own room, so everything went well for a while. But I had never experienced love in my life, and I continued to long for love. The older I got, the more I missed it. I became very lonely, so I started to drink and gamble and waste my money on a lot of useless things, in the hopes of forgetting my loneliness. But of course, it didn't work.
One day I met a girl; she was about 17 and had lived in the Family before, but she'd left because she had some bad experiences. That's the first time I heard about the Family, although it was only negative. Then, about six years later, her mother and all her brothers and sisters came back and started living in Arnhem. They were FMers. One day I was invited to meet them. I was very surprised that a family with so many kids—seven girls and six boys—could live like that.
I really liked them; for the first time in my life I was getting so much attention from all the children, and from the mother as well. After awhile I started loving them like they were my own family. From then on I experienced the positive side of the Family. In the beginning I was a bit critical about all that happy stuff, but that was because I had lived for 23 years in the System. I started coming to their fellowships in Arnhem. At first I just watched, but the more I went the more I liked it. In the meantime I got saved. Slowly I felt myself changing. I started to believe, then shortly afterwards I got a Holy Ghost class, and I prayed and got filled with the Holy Spirit.
Recently we had a Youth Camp in Arnhem, and for the first time I met CM Family members! I had never met so many loving and sweet people before. At first I didn't know many people, but after five days I felt like they were my brothers and sisters. After that I decided to follow God and go God's way. Now I am looking for a Home where I can serve the Lord. I am 100% convinced about the Lord's work. I also feel that the Lord is communicating with me when I make certain choices; when I make the right choices I always get something good back later, like a reward.
From Stefan and Fay, the first two disciples from Sarajevo
From Fay: I was born in Sarajevo in 1976, and I've lived here my whole life. In 1992, when the war started, a friend from school witnessed to me. In primary school I would make fun of this same girl because she believed in God, but when she witnessed to me this time, I got saved with her. After this my way of thinking and attitudes drastically changed. My parents—both atheists—couldn't understand what had happened to me. Right away I started to read the Bible, and the Lord helped me to memorize verses very easily. The amazing thing is that nobody told me I should memorize; I just felt that I should.
The war was getting worse and worse, and we couldn't go out on the streets anymore. But in spite of all the horrible things around me, I was inspired, happy and peaceful. Thank the Lord! Two months later, my parents and I were taken by Serbs to a prisoner camp. This was a very difficult time for me. I cried a lot, asking the Lord to protect us. On our first night there, I asked the Lord to show me a sign in the sky that He would care for us. It was nighttime and the sounds of gunshots were all around us. As I was praying and looking up, in that same moment one star in the sky appeared out of nowhere and started to shine so brightly. I felt this was a sign that Jesus was with me. I was able to fall asleep peacefully.
During the war, He protected us many times, and kept giving us peace in spite of the danger. For example, one time a bomb fell just five meters from where my family and I were. But it didn't explode!
I didn't have a Bible with me, so the only thing that kept me going was the Word I had memorized and kept in my heart. We basically lost all our material possessions during this time, and for the first time I realized that material things are not what matters the most; the things of the spirit are the most important.
At the end of 1993, I got to know a boy who had gotten saved before the war. We started to go witnessing together. He was in contact with people who had Family lit, and somehow we both ended up with Letters to read. Soon there were four of us witnessing together, meeting and reading Letters together. Many people started to get saved—hundreds of souls! Around 50 people were getting closer, studying the Letters. All this happened in only two months. We were teaching people, and trying to uphold the sample we read about in the Letters. In Christmas 1993, we went out in front of a big church, postering and giving out our last 300 posters.
We had a room where we would meet with all our sheep. The Lord did miracles for us as long as we were in His will. For example, one night we were gathered together to read the Word, but there had been no electricity in town for few months. So we prayed and asked the Lord to do a miracle. After 10 minutes, the lights came on! We went to see what other buildings had light, and found out it was only our building—nobody else! Not even the hospitals or institutions (which usually get priority for electricity), none of them had light. Only our building.
We were so excited that the lights were back on that we forgot that we were supposed to be reading the Word. Instead we decided to have a party. We brought over the TV and video machine and wanted to have fun. But the Lord wasn't happy about that, and soon the electricity went out again. We all realized that we should have been reading, and that we'd gotten tripped off. We prayed, and right away the lights came back again. We were so happy to see the Lord answer right away! This time we spent five hours reading the Word. This was a great chance to witness, because everybody knew that we were the only building in Sarajevo that had electricity, and we told everyone why. A lot of souls got saved because of this testimony.
At one point we were having problems with people who didn't like our witnessing, mainly some Muslims. They finally called the police on us, accusing us of having drugs. The police searched our place, but of course, we didn't have any drugs. They threatened us to behave correctly and not to spread anything that would contradict the authorities. We took this persecution as a sign that we were doing the right thing and that the Enemy was upset with our work. The persecution, as well as some people having to leave the city, did cause our group to become smaller (10-20 people). We slowed down our witnessing due to our circumstances. But during this time I was really praying that I could join the Family. (The good news is that that group of 10 is still our catacomber group in Sarajevo, and we are following up on them.)
I prayed that the Lord would give me a husband so we could serve the Lord together. In 1995, I met Stefan for the first time. The Lord had given me a dream few months before, and when I met Stefan, I was sure he was the one.
Stefan: I was born in 1967 in Sarajevo. I grew up as an atheist, but my grandmother was Catholic and gave me some positive moral teaching about faith. My parents let me choose what I wanted to believe. I believed in something, but the churchy idea of religion was turning me away from truly believing.
When the war started in 1992, my family and I were in Sarajevo. I stayed in Sarajevo during the entire war. Though I didn't really believe in God, I often prayed that the war would end soon and that the Lord would protect us. At one time my best friend went to Serbia and joined the Adventist church there. This made an impression on me, and made me think about God more.
I joined the police force in Sarajevo, so I wouldn't have to join the army. Strangely, they moved me to another part of town to work. It was much further to go to work, but it was a Romans 8:28, because as soon as I moved, I met Fay. When we met I didn't know Jesus, but right after we'd met I started to feel much better, and all my fears caused by the war disappeared. She witnessed to me, and later on I prayed to receive Jesus.
Stefan and Fay: From that time on we spent our time together in Sarajevo. Stefan was growing in faith due to our reading the Word together. Later we were separated for five months when Fay went to Holland to visit her relatives. Stefan went to the Slovenian coast because he was a member of a competition-level volleyball team that was based there. We learned a lot of lessons during our time of separation, and we had an even bigger desire to get together again.
In December 1996, we met again in Sarajevo and got married. In beginning of 1997, we came to Slovenia so Stefan could continue with his volleyball there. We sent a letter to the Family, asking them to send us some lit to read. We sent them our phone number. (We didn't know that there was Family in Slovenia.) We even had a dream that we would talk in English with somebody soon.
The next day, a Family member called us on the phone in English, ha! We arranged a meeting and they came to our town to visit us. We went to visit the Home in Ljubljana, and we liked it so much that we wanted to join. Now we are happy and free in the spirit, serving the Lord! Once a month we make a trip to Sarajevo to visit our sheep and catacombers there. Please pray that many more will join the Family from Sarajevo. We love you!
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