Living the Lord's Law of Love!--Part 7 Maria #453 CM 3207 8/98
Minimum responsibility for married couples in the event of a pregnant single woman--By Maria
Required Reading. For Charter Members 16 and over
Table of Contents
The Lord is not promoting threesomes 4
General explanation about how the Lord is leading and why 4
The minimum responsibility of a married man/couple to a single pregnant woman 6
Recap of minimum responsibility for married couples with single women 9
Additional explanation about minimum responsibility 16
The single woman is to help the married couple too 16
The husband provides a father figure for all the single woman's children 17
More details on how a parenting teamwork works 18
Why is there more leeway for couples with children who are going to non-westernized fields than couples without children? 19
Fundraising policy for traveling parenting teamworks 19
Conditions on living in the same Home 20
Why just one year? 21
If a single woman who is part of a parenting teamwork becomes pregnant with another man's baby 21
The ultimate goal: Living the "One Wife" vision 22
Further explanation of the single mother's options 22
How do you decide what you're going to do on a date? 24
A difference of opinion in what to do? 27
Tips on how to avoid fucking when you're not intending to! 28
What about unplanned pregnancies and unwanted parenting teamworks? 30
Husbands: Important advice! Take heed! 33
A word of warning to single women 35
More on trusting the Lord 36
Counsel to the wives 37
When the wife is not in agreement with an ongoing relationship 38
What about a single man getting a married woman pregnant? 38
In closing 40
Dear Family,
1. I pray this series has been a blessing so far and is helping to answer your questions. Thank you for being patient, and for reading the full series and taking time to meditate on it and see how it applies to your life personally. As I said before, the Law of Love is a complex subject as well as a sensitive one, since it affects some of our most intimate affairs.
2. In this GN I will continue to address the subject of minimum responsibility. This is a continuation of the subjects discussed in Part 6 of this series, focusing on how the minimum responsibility relates to married couples. I'll try to answer your questions on such topics as:
* What is the minimum responsibility that a married couple has to a single woman who is pregnant with the husband's child?
* Is the Lord promoting threesomes?
* How can you avoid fucking when you're not intending to?
* What should the attitude of the wife be in the event that she and her husband must participate in a parenting teamwork?
* What should the attitude of the single woman be who forms a parenting teamwork with a married couple?
* What about unplanned pregnancies?
3. Those are certainly weighty questions! I'm forever thankful that we can go to the Lord for the answers, aren't you? The counsel in these GNs will provide you with general principles to follow, but with the variety of situations that are bound to come up, it's impossible for me to address every possible scenario. But with the Lord's general guidance in this series and your ability to hear from Him personally for your individual circumstances, I trust that you'll find the specific answers and direction you need as you prayerfully and desperately seek Him. Praise the Lord!
4. In Part 6 of this series, the Lord explained the new policy of the minimum responsibility that a single man has if he creates a child with a single woman and they choose not to get married. Peter and I felt the need for more information from the Lord regarding relationships between married men and single women, and a clear definition of the Lord's will when it comes to a married man or couple taking responsibility for a child the husband creates with a single woman. We prayed extensively about this, and will share the Lord's answers with you as clearly and concisely as possible in this GN.
5. This counsel has become the basis for new Charter amendments which will be incorporated into the updated Charter and the Charter amendment LNF. This counsel is not retroactive; it will go into effect November 1, 1998. It will only apply to relationships between a married man and a single woman in which a child is conceived after that date.
6. As I said in Part 6 of this series, this policy about the minimum responsibility is detailed and complicated. You might have a hard time grasping it when you first read it, but please persist and study it over and ask for help if you have questions, as it is important that you have a clear and thorough understanding of what the Lord is saying in these Letters.
7. However, before I begin explaining these details of your responsibility as a couple when you share with others, I want to preface it by saying{\b \i }that you won't have to worry about this counsel at all if you married men don't fuck single women or engage in sexual activities with a single woman that can result in pregnancy, such as putting the penis in and pulling out before ejaculation, fucking with a condom, masturbating the woman's vaginal area with the penis, etc.
8. The Lord has given you married couples (like the singles) the option that you can be in His highest will and be going for the gold if you share love in ways other than fucking when sharing with someone besides your mate. In spite of this counsel in "Go for the Gold," I believe many of you, especially you of the first generation, have a mindset where your first reaction is to feel that the best and the highest is to fuck. I think this is a natural reaction especially for you older adults, due to your many years of giving your all while FFing and sharing sexually within the Family, when the Lord led us to freely share love in this way and to trust Him for the results.
9. You of the older generation trusted the Lord for your fucking because you knew that if the Lord gave children, those babies were of Him. You knew the Lord wanted you to be unselfish and yielded, giving your all to share His love, and this boosted your faith to trust the Lord for the results of your fucking, and helped you have the faith to allow your mate to fuck others on his or her dates as well. Your yieldedness and willingness to follow how the Lord was leading at that time, even when it appeared contrary to the ways of the world, is very commendable and the Lord greatly blessed you for it. It was your faith and trust in Him to obey where He was leading that He highly blessed, just as He blesses this faith and trust in how He is leading us today.
10. Fucking is wonderful, and for many years the Lord has led you older adults to joyfully and cheerfully accept the results of your fucking. The Lord still blesses us for having babies and He still wants us to be unselfish, but He also wants us to act according to our faith. You older adults realize that the way you did things before was good and it accomplished good fruit. Because of this, you might feel that the Lord is expecting you to continue to automatically operate the way you did in the past, and you might feel guilty if you don't continue in that way.
11. There is nothing wrong with how we did things in the past in our sharing, but today He is giving us more leeway. He's showing us how we can still share and be unselfish and give love in a variety of ways, and He is leaving the choice with us about how we go about it. As long as you have the faith for your fucking and are prepared to take care of the outcome, which might be a little child, and the responsibility that comes with it, this is fine. But the problem is that many of you don't have the faith to fuck and handle all the possible repercussions, but yet if you don't fuck or allow your husband to fuck, you feel guilty, like you're not giving or you're holding back. That is not true!
12. Please understand that you are not obligated to fuck anyone outside your marriage. The Lord is not encouraging you to fuck others unless you want to, you're sure it's His will, and you have the faith to deal with the "outcome," a child! He's just as happy if on your dates with others besides your mate you do other things--mutual masturbation and oral sex!
13. Please bear that in mind as you read this GN. If you're overwhelmed with the idea of forming a parenting teamwork, if just the thought of it gives you trials and you don't think you could handle it, especially you wives, you need to remember that you won't find yourself in that position if you married men don't fuck the single women or do anything that might result in pregnancy. It's as simple as that. There are many other ways to share love, have fun and find mutual satisfaction besides fucking. (For ideas on what to do on your dates, please see Cool Tips for Hot Sex, coming your way soon, D.V.)
In this Letter I mention fucking with condoms several times. As I mentioned in Parts 4 and 6 of this series, I'm not promoting the use of condoms. To use condoms as a means of birth control is not going for the gold, and if you choose to do so, as you know, you forfeit some of the Lord's blessings in your life. But it is my understanding that condom use is somewhat common. That is your personal choice, so I have to take that into consideration when giving you the counsel you need and making it clear. But please do not take the repeated mention of condom use as a promotion of such or as an indication that Peter and I have backed down on the message contained in the Letter "Go for the Gold."
The Lord Is Not Promoting Threesomes
14. In Part 4 of this series, the Lord again made it very clear that in most cases it is His will that two single people marry in the case of pregnancy. He reiterated what He had said in "Go for the Gold," but I hope the point was made more clearly in Part 4. However, the Lord does not put the same emphasis on marriage in the event that a married man gets a single woman pregnant, because to marry in such circumstances would mean to form a threesome. Here is the Lord's counsel on this.
15. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} I will not put the same emphasis on marriage when it involves a single woman and a married couple. Although in some cases I will lead to threesome arrangements, this is not My strong emphasis. When a single woman makes the decision to share with a couple, she must go into the sharing knowing that should a child result, marriage is not a right, nor even a probability, and therefore not a guarantee.
16. Therefore it is wise on the part of the single woman to factor this into the decision when praying about what type of sex she will engage in when sharing with a married man, for the single woman has no guarantee of joining that couple's marriage, because I do not put this stipulation on the married couples. In this, My emphasis varies from that of two single people who share and produce a child, for in most cases I do not expect the married couple to add the single pregnant woman to their marriage permanently. (End of message from Jesus.)
17. {\b \i (Mama:)} The Lord is not promoting threesomes. There will probably be some threesomes formed as a result of the increase in sexual sharing, but it's not like the Lord is emphasizing threesomes or encouraging them. If it is His will, that's perfectly acceptable. But it is not something that you need to feel pressured about, nor do you need to worry that you'll find yourselves in a long-term or permanent threesome that you don't want or have the faith for. (Note: Any reference to threesomes in this GN or series is with the understanding that the husband would be legally married to only one woman, usually his first wife.)
General Explanation About How the Lord Is Leading and Why
18. The Lord does, however, apply the 20-month minimum responsibility to married couples if a married man creates a child with a single woman. There are a few details of the minimum responsibility that are changed for married couples, but generally it applies.
19. In Part 6 of this series and in this GN when I use the terms "20-month minimum responsibility" and "the minimum responsibility," they refer to the parenting teamwork that is formed from the time a single woman realizes that she is pregnant until her child is one year old. Such a parenting teamwork might last as long as 20 months, or it could be for a shorter period, depending on when the woman realizes she's pregnant and when the people involved can manage to join together as a teamwork. So there is flexibility in the 20-month time period. But we will consistently use the terms the "20-month minimum responsibility" or "minimum responsibility" when referring to this requirement of forming a parenting teamwork from the time the woman discovers she's pregnant until the child's first birthday.
20. I'll talk about the adjustments to the minimum responsibility in the recap of the minimum responsibility for couples that you'll find later in this GN, beginning with paragraph 56. But to begin with, here are some general explanations from the Lord, which will help you to see how the Lord led us to this decision. Also, I encourage you to please be sure to read Part 6 of this series very carefully, as there is important information in that GN that applies to couples that will not be repeated in this GN.
21. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} This is what you are here for--to learn to make choices, to make decisions, and to be responsible for those decisions. I set before you a new stage of growth and responsibility, and the two go hand in hand, for where liberty is, there is responsibility. For to whom much is given, of the same much is required. There is great responsibility in living My Law of Love, but where great responsibility is, I give grace and power and strength, that the glory of Heaven may shine upon you. With this great freedom, liberty and responsibility, I give unmatched power, anointing and blessing to those who follow closely and obey My voice.
22. These are the days of progress and growth. When you were children, you spoke as children, you acted as children, and I winked. Now I call you to lay aside childish ways and step into the full responsibility of adulthood in these Last Days. I call you now to put away childish things and take full responsibility for your choices, your decisions and your actions, that through this liberty and responsibility, I might bring you into the full freedom and power of My liberating Law of Love.
23. ({\b \i Mama:)} What the Lord is saying here is that as He is leading us at this time to live the Law of Love fully, He is also expecting us to demonstrate more responsibility than we have in the past. He's making us more aware not only of our choices, but also of our obligations! If we want the full freedom of the Law of Love, we must also grow up spiritually and take full responsibility as adults and be willing to do the right thing, not just have a good time enjoying the perks of sexual freedom.
24. {\b \i (Jesus continues:)} I have given many options within My highest will for My children to give and receive love, and to enjoy loving interaction according to My Law of Love. For those who are single, I provide the option whereby you may partake of loving interaction and sharing within My highest will, without engaging in full intercourse. I have drawn a line for those who choose to have full intercourse, and I only ask that if you choose to cross the line, that you be ready and willing to meet the full responsibility that comes with the crossing of that line. Otherwise you do well not to step across the line to begin with. I've spelled out the terms so that you might be fully aware that with the crossing of the line also comes the responsibility.
25. By your own free will, choices, decisions and actions you determine your future. An action is a choice. The act of fucking is a choice you make.
26. {\b \i (Mama:)} Again the Lord puts the ball in your court. Remember, when a married person has sex with someone outside their marriage, according to the counsel in "Go for the Gold," that person is considered a single as far as the options that are available to them if they want to go for the gold. The Lord says, "I have given many options within My highest will for My children to give and receive love, and to enjoy loving interaction according to My Law of Love. For those who are single, I provide the option whereby you may partake of loving interaction and sharing within My highest will, without engaging in full intercourse." That means if you fall into the category of "single," which a married person does when having sex with someone other than their mate, then you can choose to engage in other forms of lovemaking without fucking (such as mutual masturbation and oral sex) and still be in the Lord's highest will, going for the gold. You don't have to fuck that person you're sharing with! You can if you want to and if your mate agrees, but if you do, then you also have to be willing to bear responsibility should a child result.
27. (Just to clarify: A married person sharing outside their marriage is considered a single when it comes to the options of lovemaking available to go for the gold, but that does not mean the married person can engage in sexual sharing without the consent of his or her mate. You are considered a single as far as what you can do sexually and still be going for the gold, but you are very married when it comes to the need to have your mate's consent for sexual sharing, including what you will do on the date.)
28. You determine your future and options by the choices you make. Now the Lord explains some of those options.
29. {\b \i (Jesus continues:) }I lead you down a variety of paths. Yet in all pathways where I lead My children, according to your own choices and decisions, I require that you take responsibility for your actions.
30. If a married man fathers a child with a single woman, I would that he take responsibility, for this is love; and I would that his wife also take responsibility, for as a couple I have made them one. I bid them both to be involved. It's important that the single women are cared for, established and settled, and within this framework there are various options, be it becoming a second mate, a parenting teamwork, or in some cases she might remain a dear special one who is cared for by others, yet you keep the bond of spirit through caring and supportive prayer. Everything must be judged on its own merits in prayerful seeking of My will.
31. I hold the man, as head of the house, responsible to put his house in order so that all are well cared for, happy and secure in whatever situation I lead. The man who fathers a child is responsible to make sure that the mother and child are well cared for. I also hold the mother of that child responsible. It takes two to make a child, therefore two share in the responsibility. I also hold the wife of the man responsible, because she and her husband are one. As they share in the decision-making, so they share in the responsibility, and so they must walk in unison. The husband and wife must be of one mind and heart in these matters. (End of message from Jesus.)
32. {\b \i (Mama:) }The Lord explains that there are a variety of relationships in this type of situation. You are definitely not bound to become a permanent threesome should a married man and a single woman bear a child. That will happen in some cases, but it is not the norm! There will also be parenting teamworks in which the married couple and single woman work together, as explained in Part 6 of this series. There is also the option that the single might not remain with the couple at all. She might release the couple from their responsibility and team up with others or move to another Home.
33. One thing that the Lord has made very clear, however, is that He holds all three people responsible, and He hopes that you can all work together, pray together, decide together, and come to amiable agreements together, as much as possible.
The Minimum Responsibility of a Married Man/Couple to a Single Pregnant Woman
34. Realistically speaking, it will probably be rare when a wife will say to her husband, "Oh yes, I don't mind you fucking that single woman, and if she gets pregnant, we can be a threesome. I would be so happy about that!" A threesome is just not what most married women are looking for. In fact, it's the nature of women to be quite possessive of their husband and the father of their children, and they're often even resistant to an ongoing relationship that requires much less commitment than a threesome.
35. So we have to face the fact that in many or most cases when a single woman gets pregnant by a married man, it will probably be unexpected or unplanned. Peter and I felt that unless something changes, the likely response to pregnancies that happen under these circumstances would continue to be what it is now--that the married couple does little or nothing to help care for the pregnant woman and baby, which hardly seems to be in line with the above message where the Lord emphasizes the need for all three people to take responsibility. He repeated that theme over and over again. This led us to pray further about the "minimum responsibility" for couples.
36. When we prayed about this, the Lord began by explaining how a married couple has much to give to a single woman.
37. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} Yes, there is a minimum responsibility, a minimum action that I wish for My children to take. The minimum is to love and care and lay down your life, and to do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
38. When a man is single, in most cases it is My will for him to do these things on a permanent basis by marrying the mother of the child. Being single, he is more readily available. He is a likely candidate for marriage, and therefore the creation of this child--his child--becomes a priority in his life, just as it becomes a priority in the life of the woman.
39. When a married man creates a child with a single woman, the situation is more complex, because there are three people involved--three hearts, three sets of emotions. With more people come more complications, more problems, more difficulties, and the need for greater yieldedness and prayerfulness. The situation grows more complex when the married couple has children or the single woman has children, because then you also add the feelings, emotions, and reactions of the children to the equation.
40. In this situation, however, it is a case of to whom much has been given, of the same shall much be required. A husband and wife have gained much from Me through their relationship; they have love, security, stability, fellowship. They don't battle loneliness or lack of sex to such a degree as singles do. They belong to each other; they're relatively content and complete. And so I ask these to give unto her who has need, give unto her who is alone, give unto her who bears the responsibility of a child, or of children if she has more than one.
41. The husband and wife are required to give of their reservoir of strength, faith, encouragement, love and peace to the one who has need because she is single. The couple may not feel that this is fair. They may not see that they have more, and therefore they may not understand why they are required to give to her who has less. But in such a case, it's only because they've grown familiar with the blessings of their relationship and the companionship, love, comfort and security that comes with being married. (End of message from Jesus.)
42. {\b \i (Mama:)} To do nothing when a single woman becomes pregnant by a married man is not an option. The Lord expects you to seek Him and find His will, not just continue on business as usual, as if nothing had happened. At the very least, you who become parents of a child in this manner must pray and study over these words of counsel from the Lord and me, and apply them to your situation. The single woman should not be left to fend for herself completely, and the man by whom she had the child cannot simply ignore her. He (and his wife) must consider the guidelines of this GN and the wishes of the single woman. You must pray and then put into action what the Lord shows you and the single woman. If you do not even do this much, then you are going against the principles and rules that the Lord set forth in His Word.
43. The Lord also tries to open the eyes of you married couples to your blessings, showing you that you are rich in love, companionship and sexual fellowship; therefore you should give to those in need--or, more specifically, to the single woman who is pregnant with the husband's child.
44. You might not feel so blessed in your marriage, especially if you're experiencing difficulties or have grown familiar with each other, but the point the Lord is making is that comparatively speaking, those who are married usually have more access to intimate fellowship, companionship and sex on a regular basis than those who are single. Even if you feel your marriage is not a model of happiness and contentment or it's a bit rocky or dry, I would venture to say that overall you still receive a lot of love, encouragement and security that singles don't receive as consistently, simply because they're single.
45. Some of you couples who are experiencing difficulties in your marriage will probably feel that this doesn't apply to you. You might be tempted to want to hold on to what little you have in your marriage, feeling that you can't possibly afford to share. But the Lord has made it clear that it's through your obedience, through your sharing, through your giving of what you feel is the last bit of oil in the jar or the last bit of flour at the bottom of the barrel, that He will be able to work the miracle and help to fill you up again. If you feel that your marriage is dry and you have nothing to give, then go to the Word on the subject that the Lord has recently poured forth in the Marriage GNs (see GN 799-800). Pray together and receive His fresh living counsel for your personal situation, and then begin to give of whatever little you have, and watch the Lord multiply it!
46. The Lord is taking us a step further in our understanding. I want to remind you that He said earlier in this GN, "I set before you a new stage of growth and responsibility, and the two go hand in hand, for where liberty is, there is responsibility." Now He explains more about this new stage of responsibility.
47. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} I have made it clear that there is a variety of options--the threesome, the parenting teamwork, or that the single woman go on her way, parting from the married couple and the father of her child. Let Me further explain these options.
48. The threesome is where there is definite commitment on the parts of all three people for a permanent relationship, a marriage, with the same commitment as a marriage of two people. In the case of the threesome, the three people are responsible to inform one another of their plans for sexual activities outside their marriage. They are also bound to each other until such time as they agree together that they will go their separate ways, just as any married couple would have to agree if they were going to terminate their marriage or separate.
49. This policy only applies to threesomes that have officially announced that they are a mated threesome. It does not apply to a couple that shares regularly with another person or three people who are regularly sharing together, but have not announced that they are officially a threesome. Not all threesomes will be permanent, but those who make a commitment of being mated in a threesome should consider their threesome as a marriage, just the same as those who commit to a marriage of two people.
50. Then there is the parenting teamwork. In the event that a single woman gets pregnant by a married man, the couple is responsible to fulfill the 20-month minimum responsibility. This type of parenting teamwork need not be a romantic relationship. There would not necessarily need to be a continued sexual relationship between the married man and the single woman, but the three of them should live in the same Home so the couple can be easily available to help care for the single woman and her child until the child is one year old. That way the father can more easily help care for the needs of the child and the mother--not only the emotional and spiritual needs, but also the financial and physical needs. This is the minimum requirement, for this will at least give the single woman the support she needs during her pregnancy, the birth, and the most difficult months of adjustment.
51. Therefore, when a married couple goes into a relationship with a single woman, they need to realize that no matter what the circumstances, no matter what kind of agreement they had ahead of time, even if the married man and single woman err and fuck when they had decided ahead of time that they wouldn't, or even if they [EDITED: "in agreement with the wife"] choose to use a condom and the condom slips off or breaks, regardless of the situation, if a child is created through their lovemaking, they [EDITED: "the married couple"] will be required to make themselves available for a parenting teamwork. That parenting teamwork is formed from the time the woman realizes that she is pregnant until the child is one year old, unless the single woman herself chooses to depart from the parenting teamwork beforehand.
52. The third option is when the single woman chooses to part from the married couple when she feels it is not My will, or there is a better situation for her in another Home with other people, or in another field. If the single woman so chooses, she can release a married couple from their responsibility to her and to the child. (End of message from Jesus.)
53. {\b \i (Mama:)} Please take note that the Lord is giving information here that you are responsible to understand! This might affect your life in a big way, so please pay close attention! The Lord has now set a minimum responsibility for married couples. That means that regardless of the circumstances that led to the single woman getting pregnant (even if it was unplanned or the result of an error on the part of the married man and single woman who fucked when they hadn't intended to), regardless of the agreements that you as a married couple had beforehand regarding the lovemaking, if a single woman gets pregnant from a married man and if she wants to remain with you as a parenting teamwork, you are responsible to care for the woman and her child for a minimum of approximately 20 months--from the time she realizes she is pregnant until the child is a year old, unless she chooses to depart from you (release you from your responsibility) before that time. There are more details on when the single woman can legitimately release you from your responsibility later in this GN. (For the Charter rules on this, please see the Sex and Affection Rules.)
54. This type of parenting teamwork does not need to be a romantic or sexual relationship. The man does not need to continue having sex with the single woman if he or his wife or the single woman do not feel led in that direction. But the husband and wife are to live in the same Home as the single woman and make themselves available to the single woman as friends, helpers, prayer partners, etc.
55. After the Lord confirmed that the minimum responsibility applied overall to married couples, we prayed specifically about each point that the Lord put forth in Part 6 of this series to see if He had any changes or modifications that He wanted to put forth regarding married couples. There are several. To make it easier for you couples to grasp the overall picture of your minimum responsibility, I will include a summary of your minimum responsibility based on the recap for singles that was in Part 6 of this series. This version has been modified as per the Lord's counsel for married couples. So although it's similar to the recap of the minimum responsibility included in Part 6, there are some changes, so please read it carefully.
Recap of Minimum Responsibility for Married Couples with Single Women
56. All of the points below will be incorporated into new Charter amendments in the revised Charter and included in the Charter amendment LNF, both of which you should be receiving in the beginning of 1999, D.V.
57. * When a married man and a single woman create a child, the Lord does not emphasize marriage, which would in essence mean forming a threesome. There will probably be some threesomes, but such arrangements will not be the norm. But, beginning November 1, 1998, if a married man creates a child with a single woman, he and his wife will be responsible to fulfill the 20-month minimum responsibility. This means they will form a parenting teamwork with the single woman in which they will live in the same Home, and the man and his wife will help care for the single woman physically, emotionally and spiritually throughout her pregnancy, as well as help care for her and the baby for the first year of the child's life, unless the single woman releases the couple from their responsibility earlier. The couple will also help to care for the single woman's other children, if she has any.
58. * When a couple forms a parenting teamwork with a single woman who has other children, the man is to be a father figure to all the children, not just to his one flesh child.
59. * When a single woman forms a parenting teamwork with a married couple who have other children, she also is responsible to help them with the care of their children. It's a give-and-take relationship. (Note: This point also applies if a single woman forms a parenting teamwork with a single man with children. This was inadvertently left out of the recap of the minimum responsibility in Part 6 of this series.) The single woman must do her part in also loving the wife, giving her due respect and honor, and in helping with the children and pulling her weight as part of the team.
60. * The 20-month minimum responsibility applies to all pregnancies of a single woman with a married man, even if they are unexpected--meaning that the married man and single woman didn't intend to fuck but they did, or they chose to use a condom and it broke or came off, etc.
61. * There are 15 main reasons why a married couple might be released from the 20-month minimum responsibility. If a single woman decides to release a couple from their minimum responsibility, she should hear from the Lord in prophecy, and it's recommended she seek confirming prophecies from others as well. These reasons are as follows:
Reasons in which the choice is left in the single woman's hands:
a) If either the couple or the single woman feel led to a particular ministry and it is not convenient for them to participate in that ministry together. This ministry need not be a specialized ministry; it can be a ministry that either the couple or woman has a direct leading from the Lord to participate in due to their talents and gifts. But if there are extenuating circumstances that make it difficult for them to be together, then the single woman can release the couple from their responsibility in order for herself or them to pursue that ministry or opportunity of service in the Family.
b) If either the couple without children or the single woman chooses to leave a rich, westernized mission field to go to a poor, non-westernized or non-Christian mission field. (Westernized fields are the United States, Canada, Western Europe, Australia and New Zealand. The non-westernized or non-Christian fields include all countries or fields except the five just mentioned.)
c) If a couple without children and a single woman live in different Homes when they find out the single woman is pregnant, and neither Home votes to receive the other person as a new member, and they can't find another Home to take them in, and they don't feel it's the Lord's will to open their own Home. It is a serious decision for Homes to decline to receive such new personnel. It is recommended that you hear from the Lord regarding all requests from Family members to join your Home, but in the case of the possible formation of a parenting teamwork, if you feel inclined to not receive the couple or woman, it is especially important that you hear from the Lord to get a confirmation, because He may want you to receive these new members even though it seems contrary to the initial reaction or preference of your Home council.
d) When the couple and single woman are teamworking together, if the couple gets voted out of the Home and the single woman prefers to stay in the Home.
e) If the Home that the couple and single woman live in closes, and they cannot find a Home that will vote to receive them all and the child (or children), and they do not feel it is the Lord's will to open their own Home together.
f) If both the couple and the woman feel it is not the Lord's will to form a parenting teamwork--in which case it is advisable to not only have personal prophecies that confirm this decision, but also to ask for confirming prophecies from their shepherds or parents (in the case of senior teens or YAs).
g) If the single woman is already in a good "One Wife" Home situation where her needs are being sufficiently met.
Reasons in which the extenuating circumstances make it such that the single woman would be required to either release the couple or choose to move with them, in which case she must receive clearance and be voted into her new Home.
h) If the couple are the ones moving to a non-westernized mission field and they have children, the single woman is required to allow them to move, and thus required to release them, but she has the right to go with them if she chooses to do so. See more details on this in paragraphs 121-124 below.
i) If the couple has children and they wish to move to a different Home or another country that would provide a significantly better situation for their children. (In such a case, the single woman must allow them to move, but she has the right to go with them if she wishes. She must, of course, receive clearance and be voted in to the new Home.)
j) If either the couple or the single woman change from Charter Member status to Fellow Member status.
k) If the single woman were to get pregnant with another man's baby, or were to become engaged to another man. (For more on this, please see paragraphs 139-143.)
l) If the couple has children and they and the single woman presently live in different Homes and the Home that the married couple lives in does not vote to accept the single woman as a new Home member. In such a case, it is recommended that the Home where the couple lives hear from the Lord in prophecy for a clear confirmation as to His will, and the reasons why He wishes them to accept or not to accept the woman into their Home. The couple (with children) can choose to move to the single woman's Home, if they get voted in, or open their own Home, if they feel led, but it's not required. If the couple's present Home does not vote to receive the single woman and the couple does not feel led to move to the single woman's Home nor open their own Home, then they are released from their responsibility. (See more details on this in paragraphs 128-134 below.)
m) If the couple has to leave the country for legal or visa purposes and cannot return, either due to visa or legal reasons, or they choose not to return due to circumstances such as lack of finances or visa limitations. The single woman has the right to join the couple in their new location if she so desires, and if she receives clearance and is accepted by their new Home's vote. But if this does not work out, then the couple would be released from the remainder of their responsibility.
n) If the single woman leaves the country and cannot return or chooses not to return, then the couple is also released from their responsibility, unless they choose to join her on her new field.
o) If the single woman is voted out of the Home, and the couple chooses not to go with her.
These two lists will be referred to throughout this GN as the 15 main or legitimate reasons for releasing a married couple from their minimum responsibility.
62. * All releases from the minimum responsibility are unconditional. The single woman cannot change her mind later and then hold the couple responsible. If the couple who were released later choose to fulfill what remains of the 20-month minimum responsibility of their own accord, that is fine, but the single woman cannot demand it.
63. * Releases from the minimum responsibility must be recorded in writing, using the {\b \i Minimum Responsibility Release Form }provided in the updated Charter. The single woman is to sign the form and there must be the signature of one teamworker from her Home as a witness. The couple and single woman should each have a copy of the signed release form.
64. * The relationship the married man and single woman share as a parenting teamwork can be one of friendship, as the couple and single mother parent the child or children together. It need not be a romantic or sexual relationship between the man and single woman. If the husband and wife are in agreement with the man and single woman continuing a sexual relationship, that is fine, if the single woman wants to. The husband cannot continue to have a sexual relationship with the single woman without the consent of his wife.
65. * In order to form a parenting teamwork, the married couple and the single woman must live in the same Home during the 20 months. If that necessitates either the single woman moving to the Home of the married couple, or the married couple being received into the Home of the single woman, they must be voted into the Home according to the Charter guidelines with a two-thirds majority vote.
66. * When a parenting teamwork involves a married couple with children and a single woman, the needs of all parties involved--the couple and their children as well as the single mother and her child or children--must be taken into consideration. If the Home of the couple with children does not vote to receive the single woman, and if after prayer, the married couple genuinely feels that having to pull up stakes and move to a new Home would be a detriment to their family and their children who are already fruitful and well established where they are, then the couple is released from their responsibility.
67. The couple and their children can move to the Home of the single woman, if they wish and if that Home votes to receive them as new members, or they can find another Home that will receive their parenting teamwork, or they can open a new Home, but this is not required when the couple has children. The ideal when the couple has children is that the single woman join the Home where the couple lives, if she doesn't already live there.
68. * In the event that the couple and single woman are under 18, if neither of their Homes votes to receive them and they cannot find another Home to take them in, then the couple is automatically released from their minimum responsibility, because under the Charter, people of that age cannot open their own Home. If a Home refuses to receive someone who seeks to form a parenting teamwork with one of the Home members, it is highly recommended that the Home seek the Lord in prophecy for a confirmation of their decision, because the Lord may want your Home to receive these new people even if it goes contrary to your initial reaction or desires.
69. * Because married couples are to do all they can to fulfill their minimum responsibility to a single mother, their vote will automatically be counted as a yes vote when their Home votes on whether to receive the single woman the man has impregnated into their Home.
70. * If the couple and single woman are planning to move together, they are free to move to any Home or country, provided they receive clearance and are voted into the Home. They need not remain in the Home where they first formed their parenting teamwork, but they are free to travel as they wish, as a team. (Note: This point also applies to parenting teamworks made up of single men and women. It was inadvertently left out of the recap of minimum responsibility in Part 6 of this series.)
71. * If a couple refuses to take responsibility when the husband has fathered a child, they will be excommunicated, either fully or partially, according to the judgment of the CROs.
72. * If a Home votes out a couple fulfilling their 20-month minimum responsibility to a single woman in the Home, the single woman can choose to leave with the couple, or she can release them from their responsibility and stay in her Home.
73. * If a single woman who forms part of a parenting teamwork is voted out of the Home, the couple is not required to go with her. They can if they choose to. If they choose to stay in their Home, they are automatically released from their 20-month minimum responsibility.
74. * After a couple and single woman are an established parenting teamwork in a Home, if the single woman wants to move to another Home and the couple doesn't, the couple is not obligated to move. The single woman can either release the couple from their minimum responsibility and move, or she can choose to stay in the same Home and thus continue to benefit from their help.
75. * If a married couple and a single woman are a parenting teamwork and their Home closes, they need to find a Home that will vote to receive them, or they should open their own Home. If they cannot find a Home that will vote to receive them all and they do not feel it is the Lord's will to open their own Home together, the single woman can choose to release the married couple from their responsibility. But if she does not choose to release them, they must open a new Home together or find another Home to take them all in.
76. Parenting teamworks are to make it easier for the pregnant woman or single mother, especially in dire conditions or circumstances of great need. If the Home of a parenting teamwork closes, the couple cannot move into another Home without the single woman unless they can also find a Home for her which she is happy to move into, and thus she agrees to release the couple. This counsel is for all couples, regardless of whether or not they have children. The couple must care for the single woman and her children as well as their own the best they can.
77. The best thing is for the couple and single woman to find a Home that is willing to receive them all, or for them to open a new Home so they can continue their 20-month minimum responsibility. They do, however, also have the option of finding a Home that will vote to receive the single woman--in which case, if she chooses to move into that Home, she can release the couple. That would be acceptable. Only if they find another Home for the single woman can the couple move into another Home that has accepted them without the single woman.
78. When stopgap measures are necessary, it is acceptable for the couple and single woman to temporarily live in separate Homes until a new Home is found that will receive the whole parenting teamwork, or they're able to open their own Home, or the single woman releases the couple. But this must be temporary, and the parties involved must be actively looking for accommodations where they can be together to fulfill their parenting responsibilities. If it is determined that the couple is not working to unite with and care for the single mother, they will be in jeopardy of excommunication.
79. * If a married man who is involved in a parenting teamwork has legal or visa problems and must leave the country in which he lives, there are several options: If he can leave to take care of his business and then return to care for his wife, family and the single mother and her child or children, he must do this. However, if it is necessary that he and his wife and family leave the country due to legal or visa problems, it is not required that they return to care for the single mother. If, due to circumstances such as lack of finances or visa limitations, they were unable to return to their former field, they would not be required to do so just for the sake of the single woman. Again, the needs of the parenting teamwork as a whole must be considered. In this case, however, the single woman has the right to join the couple in their new location if she so desires, and if she receives clearance and is accepted by their new Home's vote. But if this does not work out, then the couple would be released from the remainder of their responsibility.
80. * If the single woman must leave her field due to visa or legal problems, there are several options: The ideal situation is for the single woman to return after taking care of her visa or legal business to complete the 20-month period of parenting teamworking, in which case the married couple is obligated to resume the parenting teamwork. However, if the single woman leaves her present field to take care of visa or legal problems and she chooses to remain on her new field, then the married couple is released from their responsibility, unless they choose to join her. But the single woman should take special care to be sure of the Lord's will for her to move to another field. If the single woman leaves the country and cannot return, then the couple is released from their responsibility unless they choose to join her on her new field.
81. * If the couple has no children and they wish to leave a westernized field to go to a non-westernized field, the single woman has the right to go with them if she receives clearance, or she can choose to release them. She is not obligated to release them, though, and if she doesn't, they must remain with her to fulfill the minimum 20-month responsibility. If she releases them so they can travel, she can choose to be a parenting teamwork with them until they leave. (Westernized fields are the United States, Canada, Western Europe, Australia and New Zealand. The non-westernized or non-Christian fields include all countries or fields except the five just mentioned.)
82. * If the couple has children and they wish to leave a westernized field to go to a non-westernized field, the single woman can go with them, or she can stay with them as a parenting teamwork until they travel. But she cannot keep them from moving from a westernized field to a non-westernized field. She is obligated to either go with them or allow them to travel so they can move their children to higher ground. In a case where the couple's right to travel is due to their desire to take the children out of a westernized field, if the single woman would later travel to the field where the couple is, the couple must fulfill what remains of the 20-month minimum responsibility. If the single woman does not join the couple on the field and the couple does not remain on that field for the full time of what would be their 20-month minimum responsibility, but instead they return to the same field as before, the loving thing would be for the couple to fulfill what remains of the 20-month minimum responsibility, if the single woman so desires, but it is not required.
83. * If a woman releases the couple from their responsibility so that she can travel from a westernized field to a non-westernized field and then later she returns to her former field, the couple is not obligated to rejoin her to fulfill what remains of the 20-month minimum responsibility. Again, the couple and single woman can contact each other and pray about what they want to do now that they're all on the same field again, but the woman cannot hold the couple responsible. It must be by the couple's choice.
84. * If a couple with children has formed a parenting teamwork with a single woman and the couple wishes to move on to another Home or field, either westernized or non-westernized, that would provide a significantly better situation for their children, the single woman has the right to accompany them if she so chooses, but if not, she must allow them to travel. But if the couple moves, the single woman still has the right to join them in their new Home to form a parenting teamwork, if the Home they've moved to receives her or the couple opens a Home.
85. * If a married couple with no children is planning to move to another country, if they've written for clearance, they should inform the single woman the husband is sharing with of their plans. If the man and single woman participate in any kind of sexual activity that could result in pregnancy and she becomes pregnant, the married couple can only leave as they had planned if they had done two things: 1) written for clearance to their new field before having sex with the woman, and 2) informed the woman of their plans to move and that they had written for clearance at the time that the man and the single woman decided what sexual activities they would engage in on their date, unless the woman releases them for one of the other legitimate reasons listed in paragraph 61. But if the couple moves, the single woman still has the right to join the couple on their new field to form a parenting teamwork, provided she gets clearance to their new Home, or the couple feels led to find another Home to take them in, or they open their own Home.
86. * If a couple failed to tell the single woman of their plans to travel and that they had written for clearance when they were deciding what to do on their date and if they are already on their new field when they learn that the woman is pregnant, it is not required that they return to their former field. If, however, the woman desires to join them on their field, the couple must fulfill what remains of the minimum responsibility.
87. * If at the time that the married man and single woman are deciding what to do on their date (with the wife's consent), whether or not the single woman informs the man that she has written for clearance and plans to travel to another country, if she later becomes pregnant and decides to proceed with her travel plans, the couple will not be required to accompany the woman to her field, for the needs and considerations of all must be taken into account.
88. In this case, the single woman who plans on moving to another country, yet who consents to having sex with a married man, does so with the knowledge that if she gets pregnant and still wishes to move to her new field, she might have to forfeit her right to the parenting teamwork. For the married man has obligations to his family, and moving an entire unit which involves more people (man, wife and children) to a new field may not be expedient. In this case the single woman can decide to postpone her travels and join the couple for the 20-month minimum time period, if she chooses--in which case the couple is obligated to fulfill the minimum responsibility--or she can move on to her new field, which automatically releases the couple from their responsibility, if they choose not to accompany her.
89. * Whether or not the woman informs the couple (or the man) about her travel plans and that she has written for clearance before they decide what to do on their date, if she has already moved when she finds out she's pregnant, the couple is not required to join her. But if she returns to the field where the married couple is and wishes to join them and can get accepted into their Home, then they must fulfill what remains of their minimum responsibility to her and the child.
90. * If a single woman plans to travel to a field to form a parenting teamwork with a couple on that field, she would need to go through the standard procedure to have a Home on that field accept her, as well as receive clearance from the CRO. If she does not receive clearance, then she and the couple may apply for clearance to a different country, if they so desire, or the couple has the option of returning to the field where she is. But if she is denied clearance and the couple is not led to change fields or return to the field where she is, the couple is automatically released from their responsibility.
91. * In situations where the married couple is traveling to a new Home or field and the single woman chooses to go with them, the three adults should work together to raise the funds needed for all the members of the parenting teamwork to travel. (For more on this, see paragraphs 125-127.)
92. * The Home cannot prevent a woman from releasing the couple from their 20-month minimum responsibility. It is strongly recommended, however, that the woman counsel and pray together with her shepherds to make sure she is able to care for her baby and her other Home responsibilities, and that she has sufficient help, support and the blessing of her Home before she decides to release the couple from their parenting teamwork responsibilities.
93. * The woman is not obligated to receive the couple's help. The decision is hers as to whether they will form a parenting teamwork or whether she will release the couple from their 20-month minimum responsibility, except in cases of automatic release. She is responsible before the Lord for her decision, so she should not base her decision only on feelings alone. (If she feels there are valid reasons of a more personal nature to decline the parenting teamwork option, she should have prophecies to back up her decision, and it's recommended that she also seek confirming prophecies from others.)
94. * When the woman does not know who the father of her child is, she cannot hold any of the potential candidates fully to the 20-month minimum responsibility. All those who might be the father can share in the care of the woman during her pregnancy as much as they can, and should it become known during the first year after the birth of the child who the father is, if it is a married man and the wife and the woman are agreed that it is the husband's, then the couple must fulfill what remains of the 20-month minimum responsibility, unless the single woman releases them or the couple falls into one of the automatic release clauses outlined in paragraph 61.
95. * When a married man is not sure if he's the father of a single woman's child, if he, his wife and the single woman come to an agreement later that he is the father, the couple is responsible for fulfilling the minimum responsibility, if the single woman so desires. So it's highly recommended that if a married man knows there's a possibility that he might have fathered a child with a single woman, he should make this known to any other single woman he becomes involved with in the future, until such time as he knows that he is not the father of the child, or until he has fulfilled the minimum responsibility, or until the mother of the child has released him from his responsibility.
96. * If a married man is a potential candidate to be the father of the single woman's baby, if they're not sure, the couple can leave the Home. If it is later agreed upon by the couple and the single woman that the husband is the father of the child, the couple does not have to return to their former Home or field to care for the single woman. The single woman has the right, however, to join the couple in their new Home to form a parenting teamwork, if she gets voted in to the Home and receives clearance, if it is a different country.
97. * If a married man impregnates more than one single woman, he and his wife are responsible to fulfill the 20-month minimum responsibility with each of them, unless one or more feels led to release them from their responsibility.
98. * In cases where a married man and single woman, in agreement with the wife, feel led to engage in any form of sex where there is a possibility of pregnancy resulting, it is wise for them to ask their partner what arrangements he or she has with others. They should also offer the information as to whether they are having sex with anyone else that could result in pregnancy, such as putting the penis in and pulling out before ejaculation, fucking with a condom, masturbating the woman's vaginal area with the penis, etc. They don't need to be specific regarding the type of sex they are having with others, just whether it is such that there is the possibility of pregnancy. The time to communicate on these matters is when the married couple and single woman are deciding what the married man and single woman will do on their date. (It is best to discuss these issues in advance of the actual date, so the couple has the opportunity to counsel together and make united decisions regarding what the husband will or won't do on his date.)
99. * A couple which either has been released from a parenting teamwork or has completed the designated 20-month minimum responsibility can support the single woman and her child or children financially or with goods, if they choose to do so, but it's not required. They should at least support spiritually, with love, encouragement, support and prayer.
100. * The 20-month minimum responsibility for married couples and single women is not retroactive. It will only be applied to relationships that conceive children after November 1, 1998.
Additional Explanation About Minimum Responsibility
101. Here are some messages of explanation from the Lord about a few of the preceding points. Since the Lord made some changes in the details of the minimum responsibility for married couples, I thought you'd be interested in His reasoning behind those changes.
The single woman is to help the married couple too
102. The Lord mentions several times in His earlier messages of explanation that the married couple would be available through the parenting teamwork to help care for the single woman and her child, or children if she has more than one. There is another side to this parenting teamwork, and that is that the single woman is also required to help the married couple with their children. It's a two-way street! The Lord explained the relationship as follows:
103. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:) }Let all be aware that should I lead the couple and single woman to work together, the picture I paint is not one of the husband focusing his time and attention on the single mother to the neglect of his duties to his wife and family. According to the duties of marriage, when a second woman enters the picture, I require the husband to treat his wife with just as much love and consideration as before, that his duty of marriage be not diminished.
104. Should a single mother enter into a parenting teamwork or a threesome relationship with a married couple, she is also to love and give honor to the wife, as honor is due. While the married couple gives help, love and support to the single mother, the single mother is to enter into the relationship as a helper and supporter to the married couple--including the wife and any children the couple have together. In this way, particularly in the case where the single woman may be younger, she can also receive needed training and experience, as she helps the wife with her responsibilities and the care of all the children.
105. The picture is of one family, one unit, all helping and caring for one another. It is not a picture of tending to the needs of one while leaving the other undone. The single woman who enters the team is not to be set aside to be pampered and cared for to the neglect of the wife and her children. Honor to whom honor is due. The second woman who would enter into a teamwork in any capacity with a married couple must realize she is entering an already established family and she must take on her responsibilities as well within that unit. She must walk circumspectly, realizing that she is second to the wife and children, being thankful for any time and attention that the couple can give her in light of their other duties to My Kingdom and each other.
106. As the man who fathers a child takes on the responsibility of that child, and together with his wife they fulfill their obligation to care for the single mother and her child (or children) as a teamwork, so likewise that single mother must fulfill her obligation to the married couple, both the man and wife, as she enters their teamwork. She must do her part in also loving the wife, giving due respect and honor, and in helping with the children and pulling her weight as part of the team.
107. The picture is one of give and take, of all parties having their needs met, of everyone keeping Me in the center of all relationships, and of giving honor to whom honor is due. It is not a picture of the new woman coming in and taking over, to the neglect of the wife and children. (End of message from Jesus.)
108. {\b \i (Mama:)} There are some very important points brought up in this message, which are especially important for you single women who might participate in a parenting teamwork. To begin with, you'll need to understand that you are to help care for the children of the married couple as much as they help care for you and your child or children. You are also to give love, honor and respect to the wife of the man who fathered your child, and you must realize that you're coming into an already established marriage and your needs or desires do not take priority.
109. Of course, the married man and woman should do what they can to help you and make sure you have what you need, but you're not to come in thinking you're going to be waited on hand and foot, demanding the time and attention of the husband, or expecting in any way to be treated the same as the wife. You are not a threesome, you are not a second wife, he is not your husband. You are a parenting teamwork, and you will need to be thankful for the help, attention and care that you receive.
110. The Lord has made it clear that the way to make this work is for everyone to have the mindset of giving their all and taking or expecting to receive little. That way everyone will be thankful for what they receive, and everyone will benefit from the giving of the other parties involved.
The husband provides a father figure for all the single woman's children
111. In Part 6 of this series the Lord confirmed the need for the man who is part of a parenting teamwork to be a father figure for all the children of the single woman, if she has more than one, rather than just his one flesh child. Here is another message from the Lord on this subject:
112. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} I do not mean for any to be left out or lacking. I call you to live the vision of "One Wife," to love without partiality. Partiality and singling out one over the others strikes at the very foundation of the oneness and unity that I wish for My Family to have. I have room enough for all, and I call you to unite, to love without partiality, to leave none out, for all are Mine and all are thine whom I give unto your care.
113. Remember, if a single mother is to enter into a parenting teamwork with a married couple, the vision I give is one big happy family--whether the married couple already has several children and that single mother also helps to care for those children, or whether the single mother has other children and the couple helps by showing love and care for them. I would not have you show partiality and thereby tear down little by little, bit by bit the unity and love that I wish to reign among you. In My eyes there is no difference, and if I am leading you to a parenting teamwork, I lead you also to care for all the children involved without partiality. (End of message from Jesus.)
More details on how a parenting teamwork works
114. {\b \i (Mama:)} In the Family there are children who have fathers in the flesh, but the mothers choose not to encourage the image of them as "daddy" in the children's eyes, because the man is not permanently or consistently involved with the child, so she wants to avoid confusion or disappointment. But what should she do in the case of a parenting teamwork?
115. To begin with, I want to ask that you please stop now and reread the section from Part 6 of this series called "Explaining Parenting Teamworks to Children." (See ML #3206:165-177.) That counsel applies to your situation as well. Of course, if both the married couple and the single woman have children, the needs of all the children will have to be taken into consideration and they would all need to be given an explanation. But exactly what kind of explanation you would give and how in-depth would depend on their age, maturity, etc. But here is some general counsel from the Lord in which He again emphasizes the need to get specific instruction from Him, as only He knows your particular situation and children well enough to know what to do when explaining your parenting teamwork.
116. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} If you (the husband, wife and single woman) are faithful to come to Me, I will instruct you in how you should present this teamwork to your children, and will give you wisdom so that it is as easy as possible, so the children benefit from the love and time spent together without being hurt when it comes time to part ways. The key is in looking to Me.
117. In some cases it would not even be wise to explain to the younger children that the reason the three of you are working together is because the married man has fathered a child with a single woman. Older children will need an explanation, but how it is presented will vary from family to family. So you must seek Me, for I am the only One Who can give personalized, accurate counsel for your situation. If you have faith that I am the One Who is leading the way and asking this of you, you should also have faith that I will make it easy for your children, and will not suffer them to be hurt, so long as you follow Me. (End of message from Jesus.)
118. {\b \i (Mama:)} You might also wonder how the discipline of the children works when a single woman with a child or children forms a parenting teamwork with a married couple. Does the husband have more authority over the single woman's children than the other members of their Home have under the Charter? What happens if the single woman and the married couple are not in agreement over such things as discipline or different child-rearing practices? We asked the Lord these questions and He gave the following answers:
119. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} The responsibility for the care of her children must ultimately rest with the single mother, for there is a possibility that she will not remain with the married man and his wife permanently, and will again bear the full responsibility for her children. So while the husband, wife and single woman must work together in unity and harmony, just as any other non-permanent parenting teamwork would, and they must fight to be united in the care of the children, the man and wife should respect the single mother's decisions and preferences in the care of her children, realizing she has the final say in these matters, unless they have committed to becoming a threesome and permanent team--in which case, all decisions must be made with the consent of all. (End of message from Jesus.)
120. {\b \i (Mama:)} Your Home should agree together on a united disciplinary standard as per the counsel in the Charter. (See Responsibilities of Parents.) But when there are disagreements in a parenting teamwork about how to implement that standard, the couple in this case does not have the last say. You must strive to resolve your differences in love, counsel, understanding and unity. But if you absolutely can't come to an agreement on something--be it discipline or other child-rearing practices involving the single woman's child or children--the single has the final say because she takes ultimate responsibility for her children.
Why is there more leeway for couples with children who are going to non-westernized fields than couples without children?
121. You probably noticed in the above recap that if a couple has children and they plan to move from a westernized to a non-westernized field, the single woman must allow them to travel. Of course, she has the right to join them on their new field, in which case they're obligated to receive her and fulfill their 20-month minimum responsibility. But if they want to make this move and she doesn't want to go with them, she cannot demand that they stay with her to fulfill their minimum responsibility. This counsel is more sympathetic to the married couple with children wanting to move from a westernized to a non-westernized field than to a couple without children wanting to make the same move. Here is the Lord's reason for that:
122. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} In this case of the married couple with a family and a single woman who becomes pregnant, I ask that all parties concerned pray and consider the needs of all the people involved. Should the opportunity arise for a family to go to a non-westernized field, when the situation involves a number of people--namely children, JETTs and teens, who will be more productive on the new field--then I ask that the single woman allow the couple to travel so that they can move on to the non-westernized field with their children.
123. In this case, yes, the single woman can stay with the couple until such a time as they actually get off to their new field. She may also decide to go with them to their new field, but she cannot keep them from going from a westernized field to the non-westernized field if they so desire and have the opportunity to move on with their family to the benefit of their children. (End of message from Jesus.)
124. {\b \i (Mama:)} You can see that the Lord puts a lot of emphasis on the needs of the children. One of the major moves of the Spirit at this time is to move from westernized fields to non-westernized fields, where the conditions are usually much better for children and young people, as they're not in a position to become as easily polluted by the strong materialistic System of the west.
Fundraising policy for traveling parenting teamworks
125. The question came up about how a single woman who wanted to accompany a married couple to a new field or Home would raise the needed finances. If she is pregnant, especially if she has other children, it might be very difficult for her to raise the funds she needs. We asked the Lord if she was on her own in this regard, or if the three people involved would work together to raise the funds. Here is the Lord's counsel:
126. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} If it's going to be a parenting teamwork, then it needs to be one all the way. If the single woman chooses to release the couple, that is one thing, and then from the time they leave they are no longer obligated to her in any way. But if she chooses to join the couple, then it is naturally their responsibility to help and assist her and her children, if she has any, in raising funds and making preparations to move. Otherwise it would not be possible, in many cases, for her to join them, even if she wants to and chooses to.
127. If she has the ability and wherewithal to raise her own fare, either through donations from friends or contacts or relatives, or if she is healthy enough to participate in active witnessing and fundraising, then of course she should do this. She should pull as much of her weight as she can, as she is part of a team, and is expected to support her teammates, like they are expected to support her. But if she has no means to draw on, or if her health is in poor condition, then she should not be expected to carry this burden of fundraising on her own, but it should be a united team effort, for this family and single mother are now a parenting teamwork, who are moving on to a new field together. (End of message from Jesus.)
Conditions on living in the same Home
128. {\b \i (Mama:) }The Lord also changed the details for married couples who have children and single women regarding the various moves that are recommended in order to work it out for the parenting teamwork to live in the same Home. It is best that the couple's Home votes to receive the single woman as a new member. If the couple's Home does not vote to receive her, however, a couple which has children is not obligated to try to move to her Home, nor open a new Home, nor find another Home that will receive the whole parenting teamwork. They can pursue any of these options if they want to, but they're not obligated. If the couple's Home votes to not receive the single woman, and the couple feels a move to the single woman's Home, another Home or the opening a new Home would be too disruptive for their family, they are released from their responsibility.
129. I want to remind you, however, that the Home should desperately pray when voting whether or not to receive a single woman who wants to form a parenting teamwork with one of the couples of the Home, as the Lord may want you to receive her even if that's not what you initially want to do. The point is to seek the Lord for ways to make it possible to form parenting teamworks, not to see how to get released from them! (For more important information on this point, please be sure to review paragraphs 50-63 in Part 6 of this series!)
130. Here is a short message from the Lord on this subject.
131. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} I call you to consider the needs of all concerned. The needs of the couple with children must also be taken into consideration when making decisions on where to live, for the needs of the single mother do not necessarily outweigh the needs of the wife and children to whom the man is bound by a lifelong commitment. The ideal solution in most cases, when the couple and their children are already fruitful and well established in that Home, would be for the Home of the married couple to receive the single woman.
132. If the Home of the couple votes to not accept the single woman, I will not require that the couple and their children move to another Home, or open or find a new Home, if they feel that is not in the best interest of all. Although the couple has the option to move with their children to the single mother's Home, or to open a new Home or find another Home, I will not require that they and their family pull up stakes and move to a new location if this is not suitable to all and if they genuinely feel that such a move would be to the detriment of their family, which is already fruitful and well established where they are.
133. I ask that the needs of the single mother also be greatly considered, and that a workable solution be reached. This is what I will highly bless, for to shut out one who has need, without cause, I cannot bless. I remind you, My Family, that My Law of Love is to the benefit of all; it helps and does not harm. I will always guide and provide if the parties are looking to Me and seeking My highest will, and most importantly if they're yielded to how I am leading. In this case, should a couple not feel that it is My will that they move due to circumstances and conditions, I ask that they show love and support in spirit and in prayer to the single mother. Anything they are able to do, be it big or small, to assure that the single mother is cared for, that her needs are being met and she is able to be in a fruitful and happy situation, I will bless. (End of message from Jesus.)
134. {\b \i (Mama:) }While the Lord gives a married couple with children more leeway when it comes to not having to move to another Home to join up with the single woman to form a parenting teamwork, I want to emphasize that the ideal is that the single woman be accepted into the Home of the couple as a new member, if she doesn't live there already. Just because the Lord makes a way for the couple to not have to move, that doesn't minimize the importance of parenting teamworks between couples and singles! This option shouldn't be misused, which means you must desperately pray when you're making these important decisions!
Why just one year?
135. As I thought and prayed about this new minimum responsibility, I wondered why the Lord chose the time frame of up until the child is one year old. In Part 6 of this series, He explained the importance of the first year of a child's life. But I couldn't help but wonder why, if He wants a father figure in the child's life, did He choose such a cutoff point? Why not make it a permanent requirement, or at least until He has raised up someone else to fill the need? I was interested to know the Lord's reasoning on why He made the time frame what He did. Here are His answers to these questions:
136. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:) }I know you are asking yourself, "Why just one year?" You wonder if that is cutting the responsibility short, for you know that a child has many, many needs. And certainly as a child grows older, it seems he is even more in need of a father for friendship, discipline and stability in his life. So you wonder why the cutoff point is set at one year, and you wonder if that won't backfire, causing people to be let off the hook prematurely.
137. But I say that I will not put a yoke upon My children that is too heavy. If after the nine months of pregnancy and one year together raising and loving the child, the three people involved have not formed strong enough bonds of love and friendship that they of their own accord choose to continue, then I release the married couple from the responsibility. For I will not force love. Those who choose to continue past that appointed time will be greatly rewarded, and they will be blessed for going over and above the minimum requirement, the duty. (End of message from Jesus.)
138. {\b \i (Mama:)} After being together for the minimum amount of time for this parenting teamwork, which is approximately 20 months, you are free to go your separate ways, unless the single woman chooses to part from you earlier due to one of the legitimate reasons mentioned earlier. The Lord doesn't want to ask you to do something that would be too difficult for you. There will be those who will feel it's the Lord's will to continue to work together as a parenting teamwork, and the Lord promises that they will be greatly rewarded.
If a single woman who is part of a parenting teamwork becomes pregnant with another man's baby
139. One of the reasons that a woman must release either a single man or a couple from their minimum responsibility is if she becomes pregnant with another man's baby. The question came up about whether she would have the choice as to which one of the men she wanted to stay with to fulfill the minimum responsibility, or could she have both of them stay on? Here is the Lord's counsel. This counsel talks about the "first man" and "second man," which could give the impression that the Lord is talking only about single men, but He confirmed that this counsel applies when a single woman is teamworking with either a single man or a married couple and she gets pregnant by either a single or married man.
140. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} The second man to father a child with the single woman is required to take responsibility for his child. He is required to either marry the woman or fulfill the 20-month minimum responsibility. This would automatically release the first man who fathered a child with the single woman, unless the first man chooses to stay on in the parenting teamwork or marry the woman. If the first man chooses to stay on in the parenting teamwork or marry the woman, then it is the single woman's choice--she may choose between the two men.
141. If the first man chooses to stay on in the parenting teamwork and she chooses to be with him rather than the second man, then the single woman must release the second man from his responsibility, having made the choice to stick with the first man. However, in this case, the first man is not responsible to fulfill the full 20-month minimum responsibility for the child of the other man. Even if the woman releases the second man, the first man is still only required to be with her and care for her until the child he fathered is one year old, unless they decide to marry.
142. If the woman discovers she is pregnant by a second man, and the father of the child she is pregnant with is in another Home or is away on a trip, the loving thing for the first father to do (the man with whom she is presently a parenting teamwork), would be to continue to fulfill his responsibility to her until she is able to team up with the father of the child she is now pregnant with. But that is not required of the first father.
143. If the woman is emotionally involved with the first father, then of course her feelings and desires should be taken into consideration, if she would rather remain close to the original parenting teamwork. But if the first father does not have the faith or desire for this, he is released. (End of message from Jesus.)
The Ultimate Goal: Living the "One Wife" Vision
144. {\b \i (Mama:)} Now the Lord explains His longer-term vision of the most effective way that the single mothers and their children will have their needs met.
145. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} While I do want to put My single mothers-to-be in parenting teamworks, I know that this alone will not supply all their needs. The greatest, most long-lasting and deepest solution to the single mothers' needs is the pure and total enactment of the "One Wife" vision. Even parenting teamworks, as good as they are, have their drawbacks and their weaknesses. That is why the ultimate goal, the complete vision, and the deeper, longer-lasting and more fruitful solution is living the "One Wife" vision, which is where each Home is a giant parenting teamwork where all bear the needs and feel responsible for their brethren--be they married couples, singles, single mothers, young people or children. Living the "One Wife" vision is the ultimate answer!
146. This minimum requirement of a parenting teamwork is a steppingstone, a stopgap measure. It's training the Family to open up and reach out, to enlarge the borders of their tents. It's training the Family to learn to give more, to be more responsible, to not be so selfish. But even this minimum responsibility will not provide the complete answer that the Family needs, and that is why I don't require responsibility for a greater length of time, because I'm still pushing the Family toward the "One Wife" vision. I will not be satisfied until the Family reaches that goal, until they have grown to understand, accept and take responsibility for their greater marriage in its totality.
147. In many cases, when parenting teamworks get together purely out of obedience, even when they're initially "forced" relationships, after the time spent together during the single woman's pregnancy and the many shared experiences they will have as a result, and after the time spent with the child, it is natural and even inevitable that strong bonds of friendship will grow. Many parenting teamworks will make the choice, after they have fulfilled their minimum requirement, to continue, and that choice will be one of love. It will be a voluntary decision which in the end will provide a happier home for all the children, and will be a greater testimony to both those in the Family and outsiders. (End of message from Jesus.)
148. {\b \i (Mama:)} The ultimate goal is that we go beyond required parenting teamworks and reach out to fully embrace the "One Wife" vision, which means caring for others as if they were our husband or wife, and caring for others' children as if they were our own in the flesh. Let me remind you that to live the "One Wife" vision more is one of our goals for 1998, so it shouldn't surprise us that the Lord is putting such emphasis on our growth in this area. (See ML #3160:131-147, GN 765.)
Further Explanation of the Single Mother's Options
149. In paragraph 52 of this GN, the Lord says, "If the single woman so chooses, she can release a married couple from their responsibility to her and to the child." I wondered why He allowed her the option of saying no to the parenting teamwork, because it really does seem like it would be the best arrangement, in most cases, for the welfare of the child. The Lord explained further about why there is this choice available to the single woman:
150. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} The mother of the child, the single woman, carries the permanent responsibility of the child. If she is wise, in most cases she will accept the open door of the parenting teamwork; she will see the need for the strength, help, love, security and fellowship that would come from working closely with the married couple. But there are situations in which it would be to her advantage to be freed from the parenting teamwork. (See paragraph 61.)
151. This minimum responsibility of the parenting teamwork is primarily to benefit the child and the single mother. Therefore she is given the choice to free herself from such a commitment if she has the faith for it, and if it is according to the guidelines that I have put forth. In her decision-making, she must consider the welfare, happiness and care of her child. But if she indeed feels led to embark upon such a change and to free herself from this commitment, if she moves within My will, then she can trust that I will supply through the Family's living the Law of Love and the "One Wife" vision. (End of message from Jesus.)
152. {\b \i (Mama:)} You can see from this instruction from the Lord that these parenting teamworks will not always last the full 20 months. There are circumstances in which the Lord might lead the single mother to depart from the parenting teamwork, such as the 15 legitimate reasons mentioned in paragraph 61. The Lord wants both the single mother and the baby to be happy and to have their needs met. He wants the parenting teamworks to be fruitful, and the best way to ensure that that will be the case is to find His perfect will in the matter.
153. Although there are various reasons why it might be necessary and advantageous for a single woman to release the couple from their minimum responsibility, to do so is a serious decision which requires prayer and serious consideration of the future and the needs of not only the mother, but the baby as well. Please understand, dear single mothers, that the various legitimate reasons for releasing a couple from their minimum responsibility should not be looked upon as an excuse for dumping a parenting teamwork just because you don't happen to be in love with the man or don't like the married couple much. The most important thing is that you find the Lord's will! Even if it's initially a test for you, or even if it goes contrary to your initial reactions or natural desires, the Lord can give you happiness and fulfillment in it.
154. I caution you married couples to please not put any pressure on the single woman to free you from your responsibility. You should all be seeking the Lord and asking Him to make you yielded to His will, whatever it may be for your specific situation.
155. There are many portions of Part 6 of this series that you would need to read carefully in order to get the full picture of your responsibility, as the Lord indicated this same counsel also applies to you couples. I'd like to repeat four paragraphs from that GN for you here. For the sake of clarity on this very important point, when we brought this before the Lord, He gave the okay in this instance to change the word "man" to "couple" in order to help you better apply this.
156. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} I have noted what are legitimate reasons for which a woman might possibly release a couple from their minimum responsibility. But that is not to say that a woman should take it upon herself to release the couple without desperate prayer, counsel and hearing from Me in prophecy. Also, the couple should seek Me diligently to know how I am leading them and to find My highest will in the matter. For there may be times when, though a woman releases a couple, she in essence is giving them a choice to accept the release or not. For example, should an opportunity for a certain ministry arise for the couple, she may release them. However, this may or may not be My highest will for the couple. And this is where they must desperately seek Me. For though an opportunity may arise, it may not be My highest will; it may not take precedence over the care of the single mother and child.
157. Both couple and woman must remember that simply because circumstances exist that are within the legitimate reasons for a release, this does not indicate that it is My highest will for each individual case across the board. Many circumstances may be present, but I put it in the hands of both the couple and the woman to pray and seek Me and follow My leading and My will for their own personal lives and situation. A legitimate reason for release in one situation may not be legitimate in another.
158. The important thing is to know what My will is for you personally, for My will varies from individual to individual. Therefore you must remember that although these reasons can be legitimate, they might not apply to your lives, and the only way you can know for sure if they do or don't is to seek Me and find My highest will for your situation.
159. If a woman chooses to release a couple for one of these legitimate reasons and it is according to My will, then they both will continue with My full blessing in their lives. If either misuses these options, then they will lose some of My blessings in their life. This is a serious decision, one which should not be taken lightly, because the first place to find My highest will is to seek how you can fulfill the minimum responsibility, not to see how you can be released from it. (End of message from Jesus.)
How Do You Decide What You're Going to Do on a Date?
160. {\b \i (Mama:)} If you are a married man and single woman who are considering sharing sexually, you might wonder how to go about it to ensure that it will be a happy, fruitful experience. It sure pays to begin things in unity and with good rapport between the three of you--the husband, wife and single woman. Here is some counsel from the Lord that will help to clarify how you married couples can decide what the man and single woman will do on their date, which will help you go into your sharing relationship with the right perspective so you'll be on the same wavelength and you can hopefully avoid misunderstandings that would put your friendship under a strain.
161. As you recall, in Part 4 of this series it is made clear that unless you who are having a date make a definite decision to fuck before you begin your sexual activity, then you won't fuck, with or without a condom. I now want to make that counsel more specific and broader--and this goes for singles and those of you who are married. Unless you make a definite decision to fuck or engage in some activity that might result in pregnancy, then you should not do those things. That should become a new mindset--if you don't talk about it and make a decision that you will fuck or risk pregnancy, then you won't. You should know and understand that. So the only difference in what I'm saying here and what was presented in Part 4 of this series is that if you don't make a definite decision to do so, it not only means you won't fuck (with or without a condom), but you also won't engage in other sexual activities that could result in pregnancy, such as masturbating the woman's genital area with the penis, fucking and pulling out before orgasm, etc.
162. This counsel also applies to when a married couple does not discuss with each other specifically what they will do on their dates with others. If the husband and wife have not talked about a date and if they have not come to a definite decision together to do otherwise, then it should be understood by both of them that the married person will not fuck or do anything with their date partner that could result in pregnancy. This will hopefully help you married couples to have more peace in your hearts, knowing that if is too sensitive a topic to talk about the details of the sexual activities of your mate's dates, then you don't have to talk about it!--And you need not worry that silence means that you give your consent to fuck or risk pregnancy. It means the opposite. Silence (or lack of making a specific decision otherwise) means you will only engage in sexual activity that does not risk pregnancy in any way!
163. So to be clear, the understanding is if the husband and wife have not specifically decided otherwise, a married person who is sharing with someone other than their mate will not fuck or do anything that will result in pregnancy. Also, if the married person and single have not specifically decided otherwise (which they would only do with the mate's consent, of course), they should understand that they will not fuck or do anything that will result in pregnancy. Here is a message from the Lord with more specifics.
164. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:) }My precious loves who would give love to another, who would give of your precious loved one to another, who would give of your time and attention and affection to another. You come to Me wondering how to know what to do on a date. Do you fuck? Do you not fuck? Is one giving all and another giving less? I tell you clearly, as I have said previously, that this is a case of personal preference, a case of choice, a case where I have put two options before you which are both within the tunnel of My highest will. You simply choose, according to your preference, according to your faith.
165. If you choose to fuck, I will bless you. If you choose to give love in other ways, I will bless you. One form of lovemaking is not better than the other. Both are giving, both are the manifestation of My love, both are fulfilling My will in living the Law of Love fully.
166. I have put forth My Words of general counsel, guidance and boundaries for living the Law of Love fully in abundance. Therefore, when you who are married step out to give love to a single, you can easily count the cost and you can know where your faith lies and make your choice accordingly. You need not feel that if you choose not to fuck that you are holding back or giving less. Resist the Enemy's attempts to make you feel condemned or selfish or unyielded, because I am well pleased when you are giving love, whether you are giving through fucking or whether you are giving through other methods of lovemaking.
167. To Me, love is love. I would that you proceed in your loving and your sharing and your giving with an attitude of peace, full of faith, not fearful of the repercussions or the future, but trusting Me and having full faith for each step.
168. If you feel led, as a couple, for the husband to have intercourse with a single, then you must count the cost and know that there is the possibility that she will become pregnant and you (as a couple) will be held accountable for the minimum responsibility. If you, as a couple, feel led to allow the husband to fuck, you must not go into the lovemaking with the attitude of trusting Me that she will not become pregnant, for that is not the wise perspective. Instead, you must enter into such full lovemaking with the same attitude that I am teaching the singles, and that is to trust Me for the outcome, meaning to trust Me should a child result.
169. You can benefit by coming to Me in prayer to receive instruction, encouragement and promises that will help your times of sharing to go more smoothly. I can show you the needs of your potential sharing partner more clearly. I can confirm the timing. I can give advice that will help the interaction of the married couple to go better, to avoid jealousy, to be a better sample. There is much to be gained by hearing from Me in prophecy concerning each sharing experience.
170. I also recommend that the single woman hear from Me in prophecy about what I can tell her regarding her sharing. There is much counsel, reassurance, guidance and inspiration I can give via My personal seeds of instruction. Besides hearing from Me about anything I can tell her about the date, she must also consider what she wants to do on the date as far as lovemaking activities. She must make her own personal decision regarding what she wants to do on the date and she should not just go along with what the couple wants to do, unless that is what she also wants to do.
171. Once you have determined what you want to do, you must strengthen your resolve by having a plan and a standard that you choose to follow as a couple and a single. If you choose to fuck or do anything that could result in pregnancy, then the married couple must understand that in the event of pregnancy they would be required to take responsibility if the single woman gets pregnant, the minimum being to care for the mother and baby for 20 months in a parenting teamwork. If you choose to not fuck, then the married man and single woman must do all they can to abide by that decision.
172. If you have not communicated about it fully ahead of time, the understanding should be that the husband would abstain from any lovemaking methods which could result in pregnancy. I do this so that the wife can feel at ease, if she has not come to a clear decision with her husband as to what he will do on his dates with others.
173. I do this also for the married man and the single woman. If they have not yet learned how to humbly communicate about these things one with another, there is a predetermined decision under these circumstances that both will know to fall back on, so that their times of giving love are not hindered by condemnation or wondering if they have made themselves clear enough.
174. I do this also for the married man when his wife shares with others, so he, too, can rest at ease and know that nothing will happen without his prior knowledge or consent. This also closes the door on any possible miscommunications, for if there has not been a clear decision, communicated and agreed upon by all three parties, the decision must be to use other forms of lovemaking which leave no room for pregnancy. (End of message from Jesus.)
175. {\b \i (Mama:)} Married couples deciding in advance what to do on a date with a single is the same thing singles are supposed to do. The only difference is, if you're married, you need to first counsel and pray with your mate about the date, since if a pregnancy occurs not only will both of you bear some responsibility for the care of the woman and her child or children, but it will also affect your lives and marriage considerably.
176. If you have not communicated fully and come to a concrete decision regarding what you will or will not do, then the action you would automatically take is to not fuck, and not only not fuck, but not engage in any methods of lovemaking which could result in pregnancy--which includes fucking with a condom, sticking the penis in but pulling out before ejaculation, masturbating the pussy with the penis, etc.
177. You married couples need to go into your sharing with others with the same attitude that the singles do--knowing that if the married man and the single woman fuck, there is a chance that the woman will get pregnant, and if she does, you will be held responsible to the minimum responsibility of forming a parenting teamwork for the required time of about 20 months, unless the single woman chooses to release you earlier. The basis for your sharing can't be, "Well, we'll just fuck and trust the Lord that she won't get pregnant." That is not the way to look at it! If you choose to fuck, you need to realize that she might get pregnant even on the first date, and if you fuck frequently enough, she probably will get pregnant eventually. So you need to be prepared for that and realize your responsibility!
178. If you decide together that the husband can fuck with a condom, you need to realize that they're not 100% effective in preventing pregnancy. You need to count the cost and realize that the woman might get pregnant, even though that is not your intention or desire. When you fuck, condom or not, you've pretty much made an agreement with the Lord, or are in acceptance anyway, that you understand that the woman could very well get pregnant, and because the Lord wants babies, it's very possible that you might have one. So if you're using a condom to try to prevent that, the Lord just might not let it be effective.
179. Knowing in advance what the possible consequences are of fucking when you hadn't planned to will serve as a safeguard, deterrent or reminder, which will help strengthen the conviction or resolve of those making love to not go further than what they have decided together. Also, knowing that a condom isn't completely foolproof might encourage many of you to stick with other lovemaking methods. (See Cool Tips for Hot Sex for ideas.)
180. The Lord made you married couples one, so you share in this responsibility together. It is the duty of the husband to abide by the decision that he and his wife make together, but if he and the single woman err by going further in their lovemaking than was agreed upon, both the husband and the wife will carry the responsibility of the outcome together. You have joined together as one, and so you must carry the results of your actions together. You share in the responsibility, and so you must walk in unison.
181. If the husband and wife have the understanding that the man will not fuck the single woman, or use any other lovemaking methods which could result in pregnancy, there is a great deal of responsibility on the husband and the single woman to abide by those guidelines. However, there is also responsibility on the part of the wife, for in allowing the date she is basically saying: "We have an agreement that you won't do anything that will result in a pregnancy, and I'm trusting you to abide by it. If you do err and end up fucking or doing something which results in a pregnancy, I won't like it and I won't be happy about it. But being a married couple we are one, and we are accepting the guidelines of the Law of Love regarding our sharing, and thus together we will take responsibility for the results." God bless you wives for bearing this responsibility. I know it's not easy, but I know the Lord will bless and reward you for it!
182. If you have open communication and you know where you all stand, and you're aware of your responsibility should a pregnancy result, then the man and single woman will be less likely to be searching for loopholes in the agreement at the moment of passion during lovemaking. They'll be able to be a strength to each other and stay within the limits that you've all agreed on. Again, I want to remind you, if you haven't come to a concrete decision on what sexual activities the husband will engage in, it should be understood that the married man and the single woman must stick to other forms of lovemaking which do not allow for pregnancy.
{\b 183. It is recommended that you who are going steady or are engaged also communicate with your steady partner or fiancée regarding your dates with others.} Under the Charter, it is not required that you have their permission, but communicating with each other and making your decisions together on these matters, as much as possible, in consideration of each other's feelings, is the loving thing to do and will help this area of your lives go much more smoothly. On this the Lord said:
184. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} I expect, out of love and concern, that those of you who are lovers and rooming together, considering engagement or already engaged to be married, would follow these same guidelines of deciding together with your partner what you will do during times of sexual activity with others. I expect that you will show the same consideration for your partner as mated couples do. But because you have not fully committed to one another by declaring to your Home that you are mated or married, I will not make it a requirement that you inform and receive permission from your lover or roommate or even your betrothed. It is what I expect and is the loving thing to do, and if you wish to be happy you should do unto others as you would have them do unto you, but I will not require it of you since you have not yet become one flesh. (End of message from Jesus.)
185. {\b \i (Mama:)} Please remember, even if you are going steady or are engaged to someone else, the counsel that I have explained just now regarding sexual activities still applies to you, and that is that if in advance of any sexual activity you and your date don't specifically decide that you will fuck or do other things that might result in pregnancy, that means you won't.
A Difference of Opinion in What to Do?
186. A married couple must agree on what they will do when they have dates with others outside their marriage. That is a principle of the Law of Love. That means the wife must give her consent to what her husband and the single woman will do on their date(s), and vice versa. If the woman consents to her husband and a single woman having a date, but the specifics of the sexual activities are not discussed between the husband and wife, then that means the wife is giving her consent for her husband and his date to only engage in sexual activities that will not result in pregnancy, nothing else! The single woman also has to have faith for what activities she and a married man will engage in; she can't go by the faith of the married couple. If there is a difference of opinion between what the married couple and the single woman want to do, the Lord gave the following counsel:
187. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} Both the married couple and the single woman have some say in the date activities, to a certain degree. The single woman can choose to do something that is less "risky" as far as the possibility of pregnancy than the married man proposes, but she cannot choose to do something more "risky" if the wife is not in agreement. For example, if the married couple chooses to allow the husband to fuck the single woman, she can choose to ask him to go with the non-fucking mutual masturbation options if she doesn't have the faith to fuck, or she can ask him to use a condom if that's where her faith lies in accordance with "Go for the Gold." If the married couple decides that the husband can fuck the single woman with a condom, the single woman can opt to stick with non-fucking lovemaking methods. But if the couple or wife wants the married man to use only non-fucking lovemaking activities, the husband and single woman cannot expect to fuck--either with or without a condom. (End of message from Jesus.)
188. {\b \i (Mama:)} A husband and wife must be in agreement as to what will be done on the date(s). But if they have a different vision than the single woman, the Lord explained that if the single woman wants to stick with lovemaking methods that would put her less at risk of pregnancy, then the couple should yield to her wishes. But if the single woman wants to do something in which the possibility of her getting pregnant is greater than the lovemaking methods the couple chooses, then she must yield to their wishes.
189. If there is a difference in opinion between the husband and wife concerning what the married man and single woman will do on a date, they must go with the opinion that offers less chance of pregnancy. For example, if the husband wants to fuck the single woman but the wife wants him to stick with the ways of making love in which there is no risk of pregnancy, then the wife's desires must be honored.
190. As a reminder: This need to agree on what sexual activities will occur on a date also applies if the wife is having a date with someone other than her husband. In that case, the husband and wife need to agree on whether the wife will have intercourse or not.
Tips on How to Avoid Fucking When You're Not Intending To!
(Singles, please take special note of this section; it has valuable counsel for you as well!)
191. There will be situations where the husband and wife decide together that the man can fuck the single woman he's sharing with, if that's what she wants as well. There will probably be many more situations where the husband and wife decide together that the man will not fuck the single woman he's sharing with. But you wives especially might worry about the possibility that during the date those who have pledged not to fuck will err and fuck anyway, even though they know it's not in accordance with what you decided in advance. I want to warn you married men and single women that this is breaking the Law of Love by not taking into consideration and honoring the desires of the wife and the terms you decided on ahead of time. This kind of unwise behavior can cause some major problems in the marriage, so I definitely recommend you do not do this! (Remember, if the husband and wife do not make an actual decision together that you will fuck or engage in some kind of sexual activity that could result in pregnancy, that means you won't!)
192. Here are some tips from the Lord to help minimize the chance of this happening to you. Each person can help things to go well by doing his or her part to keep the conviction strong to stay within the guidelines of what you've decided you will and won't do on your dates, as the Lord explains below:
193. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} Each one is responsible to be their brother's keeper, and I hold all three responsible to some degree. The man is responsible to be satisfied with the lovemaking as I have led, and not to voice comments that would make his wife or the single woman that he's making love to feel that he wishes there could be more. He's not to pressure the woman to fuck if all three people involved have not agreed that they will fuck.
194. A man can find satisfaction through masturbation and oral sex. He can find variety with a good imagination, and therefore he needs to accept the fact that he won't be fucking that woman or engaging in other forms of lovemaking that could result in pregnancy. With that acceptance comes satisfaction and pleasure that will be enough. When he keeps entertaining the idea of fucking her--thinking about it, fantasizing about it and wishing for it--it will become nearly unbearable to resist. But if he reminds himself of the blessing it is to have as much of her as he has, then he will be content.
195. The single woman must also do her part not to push the man to fuck her, even if she really wants to, if they have made an agreement that they would not fuck. Or in a case where the man may be tempted to lose control, the single woman will then need to be the safeguard, to stand her ground in love.
196. If they're not careful, both the man and the woman who are making love can bring about the conditions that lend themselves to erring. At times they are tired and aren't as on guard as they should be. Sometimes they've had too much to drink, so it dulls or weakens their convictions. Sometimes they're just rather ignorant of the repercussions, and they don't think ahead or weigh up the consequences. They're just taken over with the passion of the moment. Sometimes they're embarrassed. They don't know what else to do besides fuck and they don't know how to talk about it with their partner, so out of pride they yield to the desire to fuck. Sometimes they get the penis too close to the pussy, and it's nearly impossible to resist. In other words, they put themselves in a position that makes it nearly impossible to not put the penis in the pussy, and once it's in, the natural desire to fuck takes over.
197. The responsibility of the wife who shares her husband with a single woman is to prayerfully and lovingly remind her husband of the united decision they have come to regarding the lovemaking activities. Also, as the husband and wife bathe their sharing and dates in prayer, this will keep things moving and flowing the way I would have them to go and will help to eliminate the possibility of those making love going further than they should. Loving reminders and united prayer together before the husband goes off to share will also avail much and go far to keep things in check, if the husband and wife have agreed that he and the single woman will not engage in full sex. (End of message from Jesus.)
198. {\b \i (Mama:)} If you read this message carefully, you'll find much specific counsel. The married man is to be content with the lovemaking and not say things that would make his wife or the single woman feel that he's unhappy with their dates and the fact that they can't fuck. He should not pressure the woman to yield to his desire to fuck. He needs to just accept that he won't be fucking that particular woman, period. With that acceptance will come contentment and greater enjoyment of their time together.
199. The single woman also needs to have conviction to not fuck unless there has been a definite decision between the married man, his wife and the single woman to do so. Even if the woman really wants to fuck, or she wants to please the man by giving him what she thinks he wants, she should not ask him to fuck her or allow the lovemaking to progress to such a point that it's impossible to resist.
200. The wife can help her husband by reminding him of what they've agreed on together regarding what he will or won't do with his sharing partner, and by praying with him before his dates. Of course, if you don't feel comfortable discussing this, or you can't for some reason, then at least you know that the default for the date is that your husband will not do anything that would risk pregnancy.
201. Even with this unspoken understanding, which I hope you will all take seriously and remember, there may be times when you feel it would be good to discuss certain aspects of the dates you and your mate have with others. It might be best to not discuss such matters immediately before the date. You could try to do it earlier in the day, at a time that would be easier for both of you. Then when it comes time for your mate to go off to their date, a sweet prayer, embrace, kiss, and loving moment together is all that will need to transpire, without having to bring up a subject which could be a bit sensitive or which could easily be blown out of proportion at a time like that.
202. Both people who are having sex can help avoid erring by being aware and on guard, not drinking too much on or before dates (which can lower your resistance), being honest during the lovemaking, and not positioning your bodies in such a way that will cause the natural desire to fuck to more or less take control. We all know what that is like!
203. As a reminder, I want to include a paragraph from "Go for the Gold" that is important information for you to be aware of: "There is a good chance of pregnancy occurring if the penis is inside the vagina, even if the man does not climax inside, because during the act of lovemaking there is a constant slight discharge of semen containing sperm. So if you decide to do this, you should be aware that a pregnancy could occur. Also, please realize, women, that sometimes when a man gets very excited, he can come unexpectedly, so there is also the possibility that even though he sincerely plans to not climax while inside you, and he plans to withdraw his penis well in advance of ejaculating [EDITED: "having an orgasm"], he might not be able to control himself very well and may end up either climaxing inside you or pulling out when he realizes he's past the point of no return and ready to come within seconds" (ML #2961:418).
204. Here is a little excerpt of prophecy that might help you to see more clearly the natural course of events that take place if you have intercourse:
205. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} When two people fuck, when the man's seeds are planted in the fertile womb of the woman, then the natural course of events is allowed to come to pass. As soon as the man and woman make the choice to fuck, then the playing field in which I work is changed; it is enlarged. When two people fuck, knowing that a child may result, then they loose My hands to work, and I may or may not create a child, depending on what is My will within the new circumstances. (End of message from Jesus.)
206. {\b \i (Mama:)} What this means is, when you fuck, even if you hadn't planned on it, then you're giving the Lord permission to do as He sees fit regarding pregnancy. You're giving Him permission to give you a baby.
What About Unplanned Pregnancies and Unwanted Parenting Teamworks?
207. Now let's talk about the 64,000-dollar question that has probably been on your minds: We know you husbands will want to stick to the agreement that you and your wife make regarding what you'll do and not do on your dates. If you agree that you won't fuck your single sharing partner (even with a condom), I believe you'll try your best to sincerely and faithfully abide by that agreement. And if you and your wife agree on other details--like, for example, you won't put your penis in her pussy or do anything at all that might result in pregnancy--I'm sure you'll do everything you can to not do those things. And again I remind you, if you don't discuss what will be done on your dates with others and make a decision otherwise, then it goes without saying that you will not fuck or do anything that could result in pregnancy. But what happens if you blow it, get carried away one night and do it?!--And lo and behold, the single woman becomes pregnant! You can be sure your wife is not going to be happy about that! So what happens in a situation like that?!
208. Peter and I were very aware from the time we started working on this GN that this minimum responsibility for couples would be a hard saying--especially in situations like the one described above! For a wife to be required to form a parenting teamwork with a pregnant woman when she was not in agreement with her husband fucking that woman in the first place is Difficult, with a capital D!
209. Some who read this series in advance of its finalization suggested that the minimum responsibility be dropped if the married man and single woman went against the wishes of the wife. We seriously considered that possibility. But that, too, had some major drawbacks, the main one being that to do that would probably reduce the minimum responsibility requirement for married couples to simply a rule on the books, a point in the Charter with little or no application. We realize that there will probably be very few situations where the married couple would deliberately go into a sharing situation with a single woman with a premeditated idea that they will become a parenting teamwork. If that were the case, then there would be no problem. But the difficulty arises when the pregnancy is unplanned, unexpected and unwanted! Another important drawback to the idea of dropping the minimum responsibility if the pregnancy was a result of the married man and single woman going against the wishes of the wife was, if there was no minimum responsibility requirement for the married couples under such circumstances, could the minimum responsibility fairly be required of the singles?
210. These were very difficult questions. Thank the Lord we could turn to Him, since He sees the whole picture, the future and what will bring the results we need with the least problems. Here are His answers when we prayed specifically about whether the 20-month minimum responsibility should be required of married couples in the event that the husband and single woman fucked or engaged in some kind of sex that is against the wife's wishes.
211. First the Lord gives another general confirmation about this 20-month minimum responsibility.
212. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} I give this incentive, these guidelines in the form of minimum requirements to help My children make the right decisions. I would that My children make the right choices and decisions out of pure love. Yet I know the frame of man, that it is dust, and even My strongest children have need of My guiding hand, pointing them in the right direction and in the way of righteousness.
213. I have given you this solution because many cry, "Single moms, single moms! What are we to do to care for them?" Many are looking for the "rule," the "law" that will bring justice and solutions to this problem of lack of care for single mothers. Many cry out for the requirement, and I give it, knowing the weakness of the flesh, for it is difficult for man to voluntarily follow the true lasting solution to this problem, which is living My "One Wife" vision by applying My never-failing spiritual laws of love.
214. I give you the minimum, for in the flesh you are weak and have need of the requirements to help guide you along, to nudge you along. I set corridors before you to keep you within My boundaries that you might learn to follow My ways. Yet you must not see it as a weight too heavy to bear, but as a wonderful safeguard, which keeps you on center with Me, which helps keep you on track, going forward, progressing, growing in spirit, growing in faith, fulfilling My Law of Love. (End of message from Jesus.)
215. {\b \i (Mama:)} This requirement of minimum responsibility is part of the solution to one of the ongoing problems of the Family--the lack of care for our single mothers and their children. Many of you complain about this problem and blame the Family structure for what you see as failure to care for our single mothers, but now the Lord has given a plan by which each of you takes responsibility for your actions and does your part to care for the children you help to create and their mothers. This is a big step forward, even if you do so because it is required. Of course the better solution, and one which the Lord is leading us to, is the voluntary fulfillment of the "One Wife" vision. He keeps mentioning this and trying to help us to see the importance of it. But He explains that it's something that we need to grow into, so we need the prodding of this requirement. Rather than focusing on the weight of this policy and the difficulties that accompany it, we need to keep our eyes on the progress and solutions that it will bring.
216. We asked if it was necessary to apply the requirement to couples, especially given the potential obstacles they will likely face if the husband errs, goes against the wishes of his wife, and creates a child with a single woman. Here is the Lord's counsel.
217. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} Would you have Me lessen the requirements I set before you? Should I lessen the requirement by lifting the responsibility off the shoulders of the married man and single woman should they err and go against the wife's wishes and what was aforetime agreed upon? If I lift this responsibility, I would be hindering the progress of all three people involved. I would also be lessening the opportunity for blessings to be poured out upon My children. For to take responsibility for actions and decisions made is the greatest test of man; it is what living the earthly life is all about. If I were to lift the responsibility, surely this would hinder their walk with Me, hinder their progress in spirit, and stunt their spiritual growth. Would you have Me lift this opportunity for them to obey Me and follow closely? What then would I be teaching My children through this?
218. It is given to man to make decisions, to make choices and to be responsible for the same. With this requirement the couple and single woman are put to the test--the test of faith and trust, the test of being moderate if need be in all things, tests of honesty, tests of communication, tests of not overindulging, tests of staying so close to Me that it is impossible for an error to happen. These are tests of love, tests of obedience to Me, tests of yieldedness to My will, tests of being faithful not to do anything that would hurt another or jeopardize one's duties to marriage and family, or to ministry and the other responsibilities I give. Many are the tests, many are the lessons that can be brought about.
219. Should I then say, "Do as you please, ignore My spiritual principles as I wink and look the other way"? Shall I waive this requirement and stunt the growth of My Own?
220. And if I lift this requirement for the married couples, many lessons would be missed. You ask, "What then of the wife?" To this I say, although her man would slip and fall, does this mean then the wife will go back on her vow of marriage to stick by her man through thick and thin, for better and for worse? Would that wife then say, "I stand by your side in all but this one thing"? My heart goes out to these who feel threatened, to these who feel insecure, but lifting the responsibility of sharing and reaching out to others does not ease this insecurity in the long run; it only harbors it.
221. I say to the wives, "Simply trust in Me." If you cannot trust fully in the man you married, then trust in Me. For if you are following where I am leading, I will not allow one thing to happen to you that is not for your good, for truly all things work together for good to them who love and follow Me. In all marriages, there must be a large measure of trust and faith--husband for wife and wife for husband, and most of all in Me. (End of message from Jesus.)
222. {\b \i (Mama:)} The Lord confirmed that this requirement must stay in place for married couples in all circumstances, in order for Him to continue His process of teaching and training us, His Family. He said if He were to lift it, it would hinder our walk with Him, hinder our progress in spirit, and stunt our spiritual growth. Even if the 20-month minimum responsibility looks tough, to not progress as we should or to be stunted in our spiritual growth would be worse in the long run, especially since we are now in the day of preparation in which the Lord is doing all He can to help us to be what we need to be for the challenges we'll face in the future.
223. There is a very important message for all you dear wives who are worried about your husband disregarding the agreement you have made concerning what he will do on his dates. The Lord said, "Wives, if you cannot trust fully in the man you married, then trust in Me." I realize it would be an extremely difficult situation for you dear married women if you were thrust into a parenting teamwork that came about through a breach of trust on your husband's part, and I really feel for you, but the victory, the path of overcoming, the way to survive such a test is to trust the Lord. You must believe that all things work together for good for you because you love the Lord!
224. If you find yourself in this situation, yes, your husband blew it. Yes, he betrayed your trust and hurt you deeply. Yes, the single woman took advantage of your generosity. Yes, they went against the spirit of the Law of Love. All of that is true, and I'm sure you'd feel quite justified in being upset, angry or even bitter. But if you refuse to forgive, if you refuse to participate in the parenting teamwork or you make life hell for your husband and the single woman because they made a mistake, then you too are going against the spirit of the Law of Love!
225. Of course, the Lord cannot bless your husband and the single woman fully if they willfully disregard your wishes. But neither can the Lord bless you fully if you refuse to accept what has happened and forgive them and try to make the best of it. Here is some important counsel for you.
226. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} As gold that is hoarded, the one who withholds when I am leading to give will miss out. Likewise, a wife who is reluctant to give, either by sharing her husband or by participating in a parenting teamwork, will also not be able to cash in on the full blessings I am able to give her; for they who sow sparingly will also reap sparingly, and they who sow bountifully will also reap bountifully. The solution for all is to follow My Law of Love. (End of message from Jesus.)
227. {\b \i (Mama:)} If you feel hurt, betrayed, crushed and helpless in the face of a situation that seems unbearably difficult for you, with the worst of it being that you feel you had no control over it or no say-so, you have two options. You can either hold on to your hurts and pain and resentment, or you can take the Lord's admonition when He said, "What is that to thee? Follow thou Me!" (Jn.21:22). Each of us has a responsibility to live the Law of Love and the "One Wife" vision. If you do what the Lord wants you to do, if you open your life to that single woman and her child or children, then you will be blessed. The Lord will more than make up the sacrifice, somehow, sometime, someway.
228. This isn't easy counsel to give you, and I wish there were some easier way to make it through a test like this, but I truly believe if you go to the Lord and seek His personal words of comfort and reassurance, He will help you to make it. Please take your battles to the Lord and ask Him for His perspective. If you can manage to be positive and realize this isn't the end of the world, that will help. The Lord isn't requiring a threesome. It doesn't have to be a permanent relationship. It doesn't even have to be a sexual relationship if you don't have the faith for that. The Lord will give you the grace and He can make even a difficult situation like this become happy, fruitful and a blessing, if you can just give it some time and be open and yielded to the Lord's leading.
229. No matter how terrible the situation seems to you, it won't do any good to get resentful or angry. I have to warn you that the Enemy will want to use those negative emotions to bring division, break down your communication, destroy your marriage or the good the Lord's doing through your sexual sharing, and defeat the Lord's plan of the Law of Love and the "One Wife" vision. Here is a message that I hope will be a blessing to you.
230. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} The key to coping with this unexpected pregnancy and major change in your life is to seek Me, be flexible, and try to be open to how I will lead in the situation. I know you look at this as a major upheaval in your lives, and you wonder how things could possibly work together for good out of this unexpected and even unwanted turn of events, but you must trust Me.
231. You must resist bitterness--either the temptation to be bitter toward your husband, the single woman, or Me. And you must not question how I can work in this way, thinking it's too hard, that I've put you in circumstances that are more than you can bear.
232. Regardless of your previous decision, regardless of your not wanting a pregnancy, I can still take the new situation and cause it to work together for your good. I can bring happiness, fruitfulness and unity out of this seemingly complicated, mixed-up, tangled mess of emotion and confusion. You must trust Me. Know that I love you and I do all things well. I will lead and guide and supply, so trust Me. (End of message from Jesus.)
Husbands: Important Advice! Take Heed!
233. {\b \i (Mama:)} Now I want to speak to you husbands. It has been reported by several CROs that many of the battles in sexual sharing are caused because married men are not honoring the agreements they and their wives make as to what will be done on their dates. This is a problem! It's wrong and against the Law of Love, and now with this 20-month minimum responsibility in the case of a pregnant single woman, this disregard could have a big impact not only on your life but on your wife's as well! Let's talk about this.
234. I caution you husbands who may be tempted to take lightly or not abide by the agreement that you and your wife have made regarding what you'll do when sharing with others. You must realize that it is a very serious thing to breach another's trust, especially that of your wife to whom you have made a lifelong commitment, and if you do so, there are bound to be consequences.
235. If you and your wife have made the agreement that you will share with the condition that you will not fuck or do anything that could result in pregnancy, and yet you betray her trust by going ahead and doing this anyhow, this can hurt your wife very deeply, and it can have other serious repercussions for you--so I'm asking you to count the cost! By disregarding your wife's desires in the matter, you could be pushing her to the point that her natural reaction would be to simply close the door to any further sexual sharing between you and others for quite some time--and this would be very sad! While I certainly hope she would not do this, you must realize the difficulties involved from the wife's perspective, and that human nature is such.
236. A brother or sister offended is harder to be won than a strong city, and if you offend your wife in this way, it's quite possible it will take a long, long time to win back her trust! And during this time you might miss out, should she decide to not agree to any more sexual sharing outside of your marriage. This could happen if she is hurt by your acting against her wishes, and if she feels you have pushed her into something she has not agreed to and is not prepared for.
237. While living the Law of Love and learning to open our lives and hearts to share with others is something the Lord is requiring of us, nevertheless, He guides each of us lovingly and He wants us to be happy in it. He is trying to make it as easy for us as possible. You would be wise to do the same with your wife. When you have agreed together with your wife on a matter, to later betray her trust can cause serious hurt and have long-lasting effects that may take quite some time to recover from. Of course, the Lord can do it. What I'm bringing out here is the natural reaction, human nature. The Lord can overrule that with His divine nature, so the situation can be salvaged, but it will probably require some hard work, desperate prayer and mending of the breaches.
238. Remember, as I have brought out earlier in this series, the nature of men and women is different. You men often tend to be a little naive when it comes to fully realizing what a big deal it would be to your wife if you were not to abide by the agreement you have made and a pregnancy would result, and consequently you would end up having to form a 20-month parenting teamwork because of an action that your wife did not agree with from the beginning! This could be quite devastating to her!
239. Please try to see this scenario from your wife's perspective. Some of you men aren't real sensitive to what your wife's possible battles may be; this is especially true if you aren't battling those same things at the time, such as jealousy. Perhaps you don't fully understand that your wife may be doing all she can by trying to learn to share you at all, and it could be taking nearly all her strength, conviction and faith to get that far. So if you come along and break your promise and push her to where she has to take a giant leap forward that she feels she is not ready for, it can be quite unsettling, to say the least! It's like expecting her to go from zero to one hundred overnight! Needless to say, the whole thing might be quite a shock to her!
240. Human nature in women is such that when faced with this situation, in the beginning she will likely only be able to see what she considers all the difficulties and problems of such an arrangement. She will likely feel overwhelmed, and she will likely be angry at you and blame you, and possibly also the single woman! Also, she will probably interpret your disregard of the agreement you made together to mean that you don't love her. Again, not only would this be very sad, but these wounds can take a long time to heal.
241. I'm asking you men to count the cost, to please honor and respect the agreement you have made with your wife, and use wisdom and be mindful and aware of your wife's position and feelings in these matters. That is part of living the Law of Love. I also caution you about the possible repercussions! It may not be to your liking if you have to stop your sexual sharing with others altogether! Like I said, I'm not promoting this. I hope that it would not be the case that your wife would want to stop all sexual sharing. However, human nature being what it is, when faced with a situation that was not done in agreement and that she isn't prepared for, this is a likely reaction!
242. If you go against your wife's wishes on a date and the single woman winds up pregnant, it's almost certain that your wife will be quite unhappy with the idea of having a parenting teamwork which she was not prepared for or in agreement with. That's going to give you a rough start, as both women will likely feel very awkward around each other, and possibly quite unhappy about the arrangement.
243. Joining three people as a parenting teamwork takes grace and love enough when the three people involved want to do it and be together. But when it's an unwanted surprise, it's going to take all the more grace, which your wife just might not have initially! I'm sure she will pray for it and do her best, but I want to warn you that the months ahead might not be smooth sailing, and you might find yourself in some pretty complicated and uncomfortable situations, which you'll have to have patience with and faith to overcome, and which you'll need to work through.
244. That's something to take into consideration when you go into your date, and it might help give you a little more fear of the Lord to stick by whatever you've decided with your wife, knowing that if you don't, you're putting your wife in a very difficult position which she really didn't want, and which is probably going to be pretty difficult for you as well for a while, maybe even for as long as 20 months.
245. So let this be a word to the wise: Do not go against the agreement you and your wife have made to begin with! I know you will want to do the right thing. I ask you to please take this seriously! If you want to start living the Law of Love fully, pray desperately that you don't betray your wife's trust, because in the long run you might be the loser, and your life might be very difficult for a while as a result.
A Word of Warning to Single Women
246. You single women who are having dates with married men, watch out! As women, we have a great deal of influence over men when we're in bed with them, and so the Lord holds you very responsible for what happens on the date!
247. You might think that you won't get pregnant, and thus it's okay to fool around or go a little farther than the three of you had agreed upon. But even if you don't get pregnant, this is still a serious breach of trust and lack of love for the dear wife who is sharing her man with you. This is not something to fool around with! You might walk away from the date scot-free, but the man has to go back and face his wife, and his having crossed the line of what was agreed upon will undoubtedly make things very strained and difficult for them.
248. The Lord promises that "whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap!" So even if you haven't had much experience with marriage or a long-term relationship and the terrible battle that it can be when your loved one goes against their word, if you don't want to find out, I suggest you take this seriously and have a fear of the Lord about the responsibility you bear to stick to, and help the man stick to, the agreed-upon limits of what you will and will not do.
249. Your crossing the line when you agreed not to, or even just fooling around and doing a little more than the wife requested or expected, can have very serious repercussions in their marriage, even if you don't get pregnant--not to speak of what happens if you do! So be wise, be prayerful, be mature, and be loving!
More on Trusting the Lord
250. The question also came up as to whether there should be some kind of punishment for the men who go against the Law of Love and disregard the wishes of their wives regarding the sex they have with others. When we prayed about this, the Lord said the following:
251. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} I render unto every man according to his deeds. I give and I take away My blessings according to actions, deeds, reactions and obedience to My will. That which a man sows, he also will reap.
252. Though the repercussions should her husband go against her wishes would seem stiff in the eyes of the wife--that of having to enter a parenting teamwork for 20 months with another woman--nevertheless, the wise wife will trust Me on these matters, no matter what turns the road may take or how dark the night may seem. Should her sister fail, should her husband fall, though they both err and stumble, yet I ask the wife to trust in Me.
253. Should her husband break her trust, she must trust her husband into My care, for indeed I am the righteous judge. I will work in the life of her husband in a very personalized manner, for I recompense the one who errs. Therefore let the wife trust Me to administer the consequences, according to the need; and let the single woman, the married man and the wife know that I do repay wrongdoing, for I am the One Who judges the secrets of all men. Should a man not keep his vow, he stands to lose out in the way of My blessings and power in his personal life.
254. It does not please Me when a man goes against the wishes of his wife, for this is blatant disobedience to the Law of Love. This is wrong. A man is looking for trouble, for problems, when he does this. There is no acceptable excuse, for a man should have rule over his spirit, and if he's desperate enough in the spirit and prayerful enough, he will have the grace and power to resist such mistakes.
255. Now having said that, I also want to explain that the relationship a man has with his wife can sometimes wear down his resistance. It can drain his desire to be controlled and to honor his wife's wishes, because he feels he's been hurt, too, by her treatment of him. This damaging treatment comes in many ways--by belittling him in public; by refusing him sex or giving him sex begrudgingly, with little or no enthusiasm; by being constantly negative and looking at everything from the "poor me, you don't love me" point of view; by refusing to submit and honor him, by arguing and being bossy. These are just a few of the ways that a woman can betray a man's trust, even though it has nothing to do with having sex with others. When a man feels hurt, when his self-esteem as a man is crushed, when he feels threatened by his wife's aggressive, pushy, disrespectful and unloving ways, he loses his desire to do the right thing. He figures, "What's the use?"
256. Of course, that defeatist attitude is wrong. He should continue to trust and have faith and obey just because it is a guideline of My Word and the Charter. But if you women want to help your men have the strength and power to abide by the decisions you make together regarding your dates, then help him be the man he needs to be by being the woman he needs you to be. I do not say this to excuse the man, for he will be held accountable for his actions, but I say this to teach and train and deepen the understanding of you husbands and wives.
257. I do not condone the error that would betray confidence, yet I, in My wisdom, know the hearts of each one and I will work accordingly the way I know best. I do not give you a hard and fast rule of punishment, for I do not wish to give way for the wife to become rigid, hard, unforgiving, pointing to the law and saying to her husband, "Aha, you have sinned and therefore you must be judged," as she stands by in self-righteousness. This temptation is ever present, and there is no one who is without sin; no, not one.
258. I say to the wife, who is a just man or woman among you who does not fall? And yet I will pick them up time and time again. Will you therefore do less and not open your arms of forgiveness to your husband, even though he fall, trusting Me that I deal righteously with My Own?
259. I have given volumes of counsel, instruction and safeguarding measures in My Word on the Law of Love. After having read and thoroughly studied all, you husbands and wives must pray and seek Me and make prayerful decisions. When a married couple makes the decision to open their lives and share with a single woman, I call on the wives to trust. I do not condone the times when one breaks that trust or confidence, but as you wives put your trust in Me, as you seek Me and commit your husband to My hands, I am able to work in his life in a way like no other.
260. And to you, dear wife whose husband errs, I ask that through it all, you draw ever nigh to Me. For I am your stable Husband Who will never fail. Should you feel forsaken, unloved, forlorn, distraught by your earthly love's actions, I call you to My side. For I am your First Husband, the One that will never fail, the One Who will see you through every test, every heartache, every trial. My love is constant, unwavering, unending. I call you not to retreat into yourself to where you are barely making it, nor to hide behind a cloud of heaviness, but to run into My arms. For though an earthly husband fails, I will never fail. I will always be there, ready, waiting, with open arms to carry you through, to hold and to comfort, to draw you to My bosom to know Me in a way you have never known before. (End of message from Jesus.)
261. {\b \i (Mama:)} Again the Lord encourages you wives to trust Him. And there is no time when it's more needed than when you feel wronged. Instead of getting judgmental and self-righteous, which the Lord warns against, commit your loved one into the Lord's hands, knowing the Lord will bring about the needed changes, lessons and victories in the way that He knows is best. In the meantime, it is your responsibility to forgive.
262. Also, please don't ignore or miss the very important counsel in this message that reminds us that when our earthly loves disappoint us, we need to turn to Jesus, our First Love, our Heavenly Husband! He wants to use the difficult situations we face to bring us closer to Him, to draw us into closer contact with Him and a sweeter, more intimate love relationship with Him. Through such breakings we become more aware of our need for Him and more conscious of His never-failing love. When you think about it, that's a very great reward for enduring the hardness of such a trying situation.
Counsel to the Wives
263. Dear women, I have given a word of caution to the men about the importance of not betraying your trust by going against any agreements you make regarding your sharing. Equally, I caution you wives about the importance of loving, honoring and respecting your husband's wishes by abiding by any agreements you make regarding the sexual sharing you do--or any agreement, for that matter.
264. It's a two-way street, girls! And should you become pregnant by another man if you and your husband agreed that you would not engage in any form of sex that would cause pregnancy, this too could have a devastating effect on your husband, who will likely feel equally as hurt that you betrayed his trust. The same word to the wise I've given the men applies to you women. Should you become pregnant when you've gone against your husband's wishes, you may likewise be putting him in a position that he is not quite prepared for--that of having to accept a new addition to your family to love and care for for a lifetime.
265. Of course, we know that when the Lord gives a child, that child is a blessing from Him, and all our children are God's gifts of love to us. Should you become pregnant, you might tend to wonder what the problem is. After all, you are a couple and your child would have a mother and father. While this is true, the key here is that if you are going against your husband's wishes, you might be pushing him into a situation that he may not feel prepared to embrace at the time.
266. This is why the Lord counsels us to seek Him, to pray, to agree together, so that each one can move according to their faith. When you have taken the vows of marriage, you are responsible to act together, to make decisions together, and to abide by those decisions. You are responsible to honor the faith of the other, to build a strong foundation in your marriage based on love and trust, and to not betray that trust. The Lord leads us along according to our faith and gives us nudges when He knows we are ready to meet any given situation. But to run ahead of Him, to take things into your own hands by putting your mate in a position that he may not be prepared for, to betray your husband's trust and confidence is a serious matter.
267. So let this be a word to you wives as well: If you want a happy marriage and the Lord's full blessings, then love, cherish and honor your husband's wishes by abiding by the agreements you make together.
268. Having said that, I want to bring out a little of the other side, mainly for the sake of those who have children by various fathers. Someone brought up the point that one of the main reasons that men don't want to have their wives get pregnant with someone else's baby is not because they as a couple mind having a baby; they just don't want a baby by someone else's seed. When we prayed about this, Dad gave the following message:
269. {\b \i (Dad speaking:)} Accepting a child that is not your own and yet caring for it as your own takes the love of God, but He's more than willing to give that love to anyone who asks for it. It's nothing new, and nothing particular to the Law of Love either, because there are lots of situations even in the System where people accept children who are not their own--through adoption, divorce and remarriage, foster parenting, etc., and they love those children as if they were their own. When the Lord gives you a child--regardless of what man planted the seed--He also gives you the love and the grace and the very special parental bond with it.
270. Of course, it's a choice that is between the couple and the Lord regarding whether the wife should fuck someone else or not. But if she does and if she gets pregnant by someone else, once it happens, the Lord usually gives the love and the grace for it, and it's not a heavy burden, but one carried out of love--that is, if the father accepts the love from the Lord for that child. If he's bitter against his wife and closes himself off to the Lord's Spirit, that's another story. (End of message from Dad.)
271. {\b \i (Mama:)} This is not to say that you wives should use that counsel from Dad to justify going against your husband's wishes in any way. But if you do get pregnant with another man's baby, here is the Godly perspective on it. And as you know, Dad knows what he's talking about, having experienced it himself!
When the Wife Is Not in Agreement with an Ongoing Relationship
272. There is a situation that might come up that I want to clarify: What if the wife is not in agreement with her husband having an ongoing sexual relationship with a single woman who is pregnant with his child? According to the Law of Love, the husband and wife need to be in agreement regarding sharing outside the marriage. But what happens if two in the parenting teamwork are in agreement, the husband and the single woman, and one is not in agreement, the wife? The Lord had the following to say on this.
273. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} According to the Law of Love, all parties must be in agreement regarding any sexual relations that are carried on outside the marriage unit. If the married man wants to continue a sexual relationship with the single woman, he must have the consent of his wife. (End of message from Jesus.)
274. {\b \i (Mama:)} It's clear that the wife must be in agreement with any sexual relationship that her husband has with another woman, even if they're in a parenting teamwork together. The man cannot continue to have sex with the woman if his wife disagrees or refuses to consent to it. That means that if a married man and a single woman create a child, even if they would like to be a threesome or continue a sexual relationship, they will not be able to do so if they do not have the consent of the wife.
What About a Single Man Getting a Married Woman Pregnant?
275. After reading all this counsel about what to do when a married man fathers a child with a single woman, you might question what happens when a married woman gets pregnant with a single man's baby. You might wonder why more emphasis was not placed on that single man's responsibility to his child. I want to repeat the counsel from "Questions and Answers on 'Go for the Gold,'" which still applies.
276. Question: If a married woman shares with a single man and they fuck and she gets pregnant, what relationship does that single man have with the married couple and with the baby? Does that single man then become a second husband, or a permanent or semipermanent friend, lover and co-worker? Is he expected to become a parenting teamworker with the husband and wife, for the sake of the child?
277. Answer: The single man is not obligated to the couple or to the baby, neither as a second husband nor as a permanent or semipermanent co-worker, lover or father figure, because the baby already has a father. The married couple is not bound to establish a long-term relationship with the single man either, unless they personally choose to do so. In the prophecies about this question, the Lord said that even if the baby is from the seed of another man, he is still the child of the husband and wife and part of their family, and he should be parented the same as their other children. The Lord said that if a married woman becomes pregnant when sharing with a single man, that the baby is a gift from the Lord, a reward for the married couple, because they were willing to share their love with another.
278. Dad counsels you single men who want to be fathers and husbands to seek out the single mothers and their children who really need you! All the children in the Family are "our children," so he encourages you to love these "ready-made families" as a husband and a father, even if they are not your own flesh and blood (ML #2961:401-403). (For more counsel on this, read ML #2961:404-411, which contains the prophecies the above answer was based on.)
279. {\b \i (Mama:)} What this means is that the minimum responsibility does not apply if a married woman gets pregnant by a single man. The single man is not obligated to the woman or couple or baby. That baby already has a father--the husband of the woman who is pregnant. The Lord recently gave further counsel on this subject:
280. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} There will be a variety of relationships with those married couples who have a child from the seed of another man. But the general rule is that the man who is not the husband is not obligated to care for the child, and he also has no rights to claim the role of the father. The baby is the child of the mother and her husband. If the married couple chooses to include the flesh father in some way, that is their choice and prerogative. But if they choose not to include the flesh father, nor even to make it known to the child that someone other than the husband is the flesh father, then that too is their choice, and the flesh father must honor their wishes. (End of message from Jesus.)
281. {\b \i (Mama:) }Here is more counsel which answers the question of what happens if a married woman becomes pregnant with another man's baby, but later, for whatever reason, she separates from her husband. Is the father of her baby then required to marry her or resume the 20-month minimum responsibility?
282. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:) }As I gave to your Father David and Queen Maria, so do I send babies from Heaven into the arms of those whom I want to care for the child. If I use another's seed as a vehicle for that child, what is that to thee? Therefore if a married woman shares and becomes pregnant, I lift the responsibility off the third-party man, for I give the child to the two parents.
283. Peculiar situations may arise, and I do not rule out the possibility of changes in marital partners and status. Should the occasion arise, there may be an instance when the man who fathered a child by a married woman will desire to step up and take responsibility later down the road if that mother's situation changes and she is no longer with her first husband. The door is open to make allowance, yet I would that My children make all such changes in relationships and status by diligent and prayerful seeking of My will.
284. However, if a woman's marital status does change from that of the time she shared with another and conceived, I will not require that the man who was physically responsible for making a child with that woman while she was married stand up to take responsibility for the child, for I gave the child to the married couple at the time of conception. This is where I draw the line of distinction, for those who are married at the time of conception are the parents I have chosen for that child; it matters not what seed I use.
285. There is not one child that is brought into the world that I do not know every circumstance, every situation, who are to be the parents of that child, who has need to mother and father that child. Nothing happens by accident to you, My children. When I have chosen to give a married couple a child in this way, it is because I know that those parents, though I use the seed of another, are capable of parenting that child, of nurturing and rearing that babe in My ways. (End of message from Jesus.)
In Closing
286. {\b \i (Mama:)} It is possible that you feel rather heavy in spirit as you attempt to understand these new policies and figure out how they will affect your lives. But I want to close this GN with a Heavenly reminder that will help you turn your eyes to the future and to the wonderful fruit that will be borne as a result of these growing pains. Though this meaty Word may seem wearisome now, there is great reward on the horizon as we follow the Lord!
287. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} I have poured out these great truths in great volume, such as the world has never known! To whom much is given, of the same will much be required. I look upon My children, I watch for those who will take these gifts and use them wisely--who will take these great truths, this priceless privilege I put in their hands, and follow through. I watch for those who will be faithful to that which I pour out. According to the degree of faithfulness to live according to My Law of Love, each one will find their reward.
288. Many will follow. And though it may initially seem a hard road to walk, in the very near future, as My children pass through dark and terrible days, they will see the need and they will be glad and thankful for this marvelous plan that I have given, for they will find grace and strength and comfort in living My Law of Love. That which at first looked like a serpent instead of a fish, a stone instead of a loaf of bread, will plainly be great blessing and one that is willingly received with gladness.
289. My Family will see the wisdom and the wonder and will be thankful to have each other and be able to reach out and care for one another in the days to come. This which initially seemed hard and heavy to bear will be a great comfort and great strength, great survival, and will bring great power. You will look back and say, "How thankful are we for the requirements put upon us by our loving Lord, for through these we have been able to learn and grow, and we have been made strong that we might stand in this day." (End of message from Jesus.)
290. {\b \i (Mama:)} Thank you, my precious Family, for your faithfulness and for taking your burdens, questions and needs to our wonderful Husband. He will never fail you! The future is bright and beautiful, and He promises that we will find great comfort, strength, survival and power as we live His marvelous Law of Love. Praise the Lord! God bless and keep you and continue to give you great grace to follow Him closely.
Much love and prayers,
Thankfully,
Mama
Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family