Communication in Marriage and Other Relationships! Maria #444 CM/FM 3196 4/98
--How to Build Your Communication with Each Other, with Counselors, and with the Lord
By Maria
({\ul \i Note}: Any references to sexual sharing in this GN are only to be applied according to the guidelines in the Charter.)
To my dear Family,
1. I love you! In this GN, you will find more counsel on that fascinating topic of marriage and other relationships! As you will see, Dad is elated that so many of you are joining your lives in the great adventure of serving the Lord together and getting married. He also encourages you who are in nonmarried relationships, and he's shared lots of tips--straight from the horse's mouth--on how to make them work. God bless him!
2. As we know that communication is a vital aspect of marriage, the Lord and Dad give lots of counsel on how to communicate--how to understand, relate to, and nurture the bond of love with the dear one the Lord has sent you to share your life with.
3. They also give more counsel on how to grow as individuals and as a couple and increase the love between you by opening your hearts to shepherds, or to a third party who can help you through rough spots--or just help you understand and connect with your husband or wife better.
4. We pray you will enjoy and benefit from these prophecies, which contain good counsel not only for marriages but for all relationships! We're all learning how to love and serve one another better, and the Lord has lots of helpful tips for us in the things He and Dad share with us here.
Dad on Marriage and Other Love Relationships!
5. {\b \i (Dad speaking:)} Some of the most beautiful things in this life are shared! And I see that many of you younger generation who are now entering into relationships are finding that out! It thrills my heart to see many of you getting closer and loving and caring for each other. And the Lord is blessing many of you with His greatest gift of love--those wonderful children you've been having! You young mothers and fathers are beautiful! Absolutely gorgeous! You're all gorgeous and I'm proud of you!
6. The Family is really rollin' now with so many budding new relationships and young couples! Do you read those stats in the Grapevine? I still go over the stats with a fine-toothed comb. God bless you folks who compile 'em, and God bless those who send 'em in, and especially you who are making them happen! Praise God!
7. We're really a new nation--God's new nation of the End, made up of the first, the second and now the upcoming third generation! Praise God! A new nation with a purpose--to rule and reign with Jesus, to bring His Kingdom Come to Earth! And we're doing it, folks! You're doing it--preparing the way for the coming of the Lord! Hallelujah!
8. Oh, it's thrilling every time I read those stats! And as we grow, and as you, our second generation, are growing up, naturally more of you are entering into married relationships every day! We have more and more young new couples every month, with more babies being born every day! We even average more than one a day sometimes! Praise God! He's blessing and prospering our new nation!
9. Now that so many of you younger generation are coming of age and are entering into nonmarried relationships of your own, and others are taking the step into marriage and raising a family, I thought I'd give you a tip or two! Well, you know me, I might have more than a couple of tips here! Ha! But I want you to take this to heart, because I see the need to chat with you about this area of relationships.
A Thrilling New World!
10. Our lives are made up of relationships--all sorts of relationships of one kind or another. Relations with people are what life is all about. But I'm talking here more specifically about those relationships that you're developing with others on the more intimate plane. I'm referring here mainly to love relationships, although the same basic principles can be applied to relationships of all sorts.
11. But I see that you folks who are finding yourselves in relationships are discovering more often than not that there are plenty of surprises involved! You're finding that although those good emotions you sometimes feel can be exciting, at other times a relationship can seem quite complicated. Well, don't get bewildered about that, kids, because though it can appear complicated, it doesn't have to be! There are lots of things you can do to simplify this seemingly complicated situation--lots of practices, approaches and lessons you can learn that will make the whole thing end up being a simple enjoyment of the blessing of marriage.
12. As you get older and begin to branch out into new and deeper relationships, you're beginning to see and to learn that entering a relationship is not only a big responsibility, but it's full of all sorts of challenges. It's sometimes full of surprises, isn't it? You didn't expect that to happen; you didn't know you were going to feel that way, and you hadn't counted on him or her reacting the way they did. There's a lot to consider when you enter a relationship that maybe some of you didn't count on.
13. There are feelings to be considered, people's likes and dislikes, their preferences. You're learning to be considerate, learning to think about another, learning to put the needs of another before your own. As you grow closer to an individual, you begin to discover things that you never knew before, or ever imagined about that soul!
14. As you open your hearts and lives to one another, it's like opening a door to a vast world you never even knew existed! Entering a relationship with someone is like discovering a whole new world, isn't it? You're discovering the world through another's eyes. You're feeling the world through another's emotions.
15. You're learning to view the world from a different perspective, from another's viewpoint, from another angle. You're learning what makes someone else tick and what's behind their intricate makeup. Yes, entering a relationship--getting to know one another, learning to love one another, how to interact, how to love--is like discovering a whole new world. And you're not only discovering the world of another, but you're apt to discover lots of new things about yourself that you never realized before! It's beautiful! Relationships, when based on the right foundation and growing in the right direction, are wonderful, rewarding experiences in life!
16. There's a lot that goes into a relationship if you want it to be a success. Like anything else along this road of life, a relationship can be a burden or a blessing. It can bring joy and happiness and fulfillment to life, or, if not handled correctly, it can leave you sad, empty, and in despair.
17. You already have a wealth of knowledge in the Letters on relationships--from me, from Mama, as well as testimonies from many Family members on the do's and don'ts of having a successful relationship. We put together an entire book, gathered helpful information and advice from System experts on the subject, and it's all right there in the Marvellous Marriage book.
18. If you folks will read and study up on all the material we've put out so far on this vast subject, I think you'll find you have a pretty good handbook right there already. If you put that counsel to good use, you'll have a head start to a happy, successful relationship.
19. And that's not to mention the new weapons the Lord has made available to you all through the gift of prophecy and hearing from Him fresh every day, bringing your questions before Him and seeking Him for personal counsel and guidance on how to proceed in your relationship! Hallelujah!
20. He's really handing things to you on a silver platter, folks! You're God's pets, and if you'll use the tools that He's put in your hands and follow closely, you can't lose! He's really made it easy for you to be good! Praise God!
21. I'd like to continue to help you and make it easy on you too, by giving you younger generation some good grandfatherly advice! That's what I'm here for, to give you younger ones the advantage! After all, if you're to be an improvement on the stock, why not? That's what I'm here for! You're the improvement on my stock--the stock of this Family! Do you want to know why that is?
22. Well, one reason is so that you can take advantage of all the years of experience that I've had, and that your parents and elders have had as well! So use it, folks! If you're wise, you'll grab on to all the wise counsel you can get. Then you've got the advantage!
The Key to Success for a Happy Marriage!
23. Now I want to give you folks a tip here and hand you the key to success for a fruitful and happy relationship! Okay? I'll call this the guiding principle to any fruitful and successful relationship. Can anybody guess what it is?--A line of good honest communication between you--and that's HONEST in bold capital letters!
24. If there's anything that is a key asset to a good relationship, good honest communication is it! Honesty and openness is the name of the game I'm talkin' about here! Be honest, be open, share your heart, share your innermost thoughts and feelings. Share everything! Don't hold back!
25. Be honest about how you feel, what you want, or what you like or don't like. Be honest about your desires, your deepest hopes and longings, your goals, your dreams, and what's on your heart.
26. Honesty in any relationship is the key! It's the vehicle by which you can open up the treasure chest of your heart to another. Good honest communication is imperative, folks, if you want your relationships to be successful!
27. Honesty is the key to growth! So if you want your relationship to go anywhere, be honest! Communicate! Talk it out! Talk it up! Just be sure you talk! Communicate and be honest!
28. How else do you expect to learn about your partner if you don't communicate? If you aren't honest in your communication, how do you expect to either get what you want or make your needs known?
29. Good honest communication will solve so many problems, and will help avoid others before they even get started! It's a prime asset, a key factor in any good relationship. Honesty is the best policy! Make it your policy in your relationships, and you'll have the greater advantage.
30. I know it's humbling to be honest sometimes about your deeper, innermost feelings and thoughts, but I think you'll find that if you can just get over that hump, things will run much more smoothly. It might be humbling, but this works together for your good.
31. So it's well worth it to make the time to open your hearts to each other in honest communication. Because when you do, you're able to get things out in the open and truly share your heart with another. It's like opening the door to your heart and inviting another heart in so that the two hearts can freely interact with each other.
32. Only when you do this will you grow to truly become one--one heart, one mind, one soul. The first step is open honest communication, no holds barred. It's the key, folks! Honesty is the vehicle by which you can truly get to know each other, understand each other, feel what the other feels, and see what the other sees. When this happens, you're creating more love between you!
33. Good open and honest communication between you creates a channel by which you can freely interact and bond together. It's building on your love bond, strengthening it, and thereby protecting it from the outside tensions and stress and strain that would otherwise wear it away.
More Advantages of Honesty
34. It takes practice sometimes to learn to be open and honest with each other. It might take a little time to learn and to build on good honest communication. It also takes prayer and hearing from the Lord. You have to pray before you say, to know what to say, when to say it, and even whether to say it to your mate or someone else. If you folks can just see that if you'll build your relationships from the start on good open and honest communication with one another, this will strengthen you from the very beginning.
35. You will be building the right foundation, so that when the storms arise that would try to blow your building down, you'll be able to withstand the strong winds and heavy rains. It's because your foundation will have been built with good strong materials, making it strong enough to stand any test and weather any storm of life.
36. Honesty in a relationship is a prime requisite for success! It's one of the best safeguards you can have! Good honest communication in your relationships can do so many things for you.
37. It's a release for pent-up emotions and frustrations. It keeps you humble and frees you from the bondage of pride. Isn't it funny that in the world pride is a virtue, but in reality pride is bondage? That's just like Satan--to make it look noble, like something good, while all the while pride is a device to trap people in his snare. Fear and pride--that's what's killing the world today! Men's hearts fail them for fear. And look at the untold problems caused by men's pride--death, destruction and war--all because of the pride of man!
38. Good honest communication between you can eliminate fear and relieve your relationship from unnecessary pressure. If you'll be open and honest in your relationship, folks, it will bring you freedom! It will bring you joy and happiness!
39. There are all sorts of benefits! Be wise too, of course. You don't want to say anything that will hurt your partner or offend them, or make them feel bad if they don't love you as much as you love them, or vice versa. You have to watch your words in relationships just like you do at any other time. Pray and let the Lord lead in your love bond!
40. There's no greater bond than the bond of love. And if you want your bond of love to thrive, to grow, to soar high and to live forever, build your bond on good, honest communication! This is a major asset to any relationship, because without it you can't grow.
41. Like every other promise in the Bible, this one depends on you doing your part. If you build your bond on good honest communication, and keep communicating year after year, your love will thrive and grow and soar. But when you stop going forward and making progress in your communication, then you start sliding backwards, and of course your relationship goes downhill too.
42. It's conditional, contingent on your obedience. It doesn't mean that this is what will happen to every couple, or even the majority of couples. People seem to think that they know each other inside-out after a while and stop communicating, or at least slow down a lot, when that's not the case. They don't always know each other that well. Your mate changes and you change; you feel and think differently today than you did yesterday, or than you did last week or last year. But if you stop sharing your minds and hearts because you think you've got everything figured out already, you miss these things.
43. So naturally after a while mates start thinking that the other one doesn't understand them. And it's true, they don't. Maybe they understood them last week or last month or last year, but they haven't taken the time to understand them today, to communicate deeply. If you do, if you can, then your love can go on and on.
44. So if you expect your love to grow, then build on good, honest communication between you! Good, honest communication between you will make the difference between a cold, drab, very routine and humdrum existence, and a warm, free, loving and fun relationship!
45. Honesty brings freedom, folks! Honesty brings joy! If you want to enjoy life and enjoy your relationship, get smart--be honest! Be open and communicate! Share your hearts. Open the door of your heart to another by turning that knob of honesty!
46. Let the love bond grow strong between you, and enjoy life! That's my tip to you! That's my advice: If there's anything a marriage or a good relationship needs, it's good, open, honest communication! So be honest, and enjoy life! Enjoy each other and enjoy growing together in love! Be honest and communicate--you can't survive without it! Love, Dad. (End of message from Dad.)
Tips from Heaven on Communication Between the Sexes!
47. {\b \i (Spirit helper speaking:)} One of the prime requisites for good communication in any marriage or serious relationship is a desire to communicate. It's not enough for just one person to initiate all the communication; both the man and the woman must see the need for it and respond to the best of their ability.
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48. To picture good communication between the sexes, imagine a man and woman sitting at a table and feeding each other a meal. The woman's plate consists of food to her tastes and preferences, and likewise the man's food caters to his desires and needs. If the man tried to feed the woman from his own plate of food, it wouldn't fill her needs or suit her tastes like her own food would, so he feeds her what she likes.
49. It's no use for the man to say, "My food fills my needs completely, so it should be sufficient for you." Nor can the woman resent him for not liking the food that satisfies her appetite. So it is with good communication. There must be enough sacrificial love on both parts to make an effort to speak in your partner's special language, and in the manner that will fill his or her emotional needs.
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50. Good communication consists of respecting each other's needs. The woman may need her husband just to listen to her at the end of a long day. The man may need to switch off and do something that requires no effort at the end of a long day. Both the man's and the woman's needs can be filled through good communication.
51. It also takes being sensitive to each other. If the woman indicates that she would really like to talk, but the man is spent from a busy day, he can allow for her need while at the same time expressing his by saying, "I would like to listen to you, but I need some time to unwind first."
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52. If the man and woman love each other and have made commitments to care for each other, then it takes trusting the other person that as you do your best to fill their needs, they will later make the same effort to fill yours. And communicate, communicate, communicate! If you're doing your best to feed your partner the emotional food they crave, yet feel neglected yourself, speak up in as calm and objective a manner as possible.
53. A satisfied partner may easily forget that the little things that make him or her happy don't do the same thing for their mate. It's human nature to forget, so don't take it personally. Just remind them. "Honey, I'm glad you enjoyed your time to unwind. Now could I talk with you for half an hour?"
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54. It's helpful to agree together ahead of time that when your partner speaks up about his or her needs, you're going to listen objectively. Being told ways you can improve in being a caring and supportive partner for your husband or wife shouldn't be taken to mean that you are a complete failure. Back to the dinner analogy: You may know perfectly well what you prefer to eat, but your partner is not a mind reader and doesn't know what you like unless you tell them. For all they know, you like the same foods they do! Again, it takes the "C" word to make it work--communication.
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55. Continuing with the dinner analogy, remember that your partner's tastes can and will change over the years. It's not enough to say, "You never needed or wanted that before. Why now!?" As we grow, our needs develop and mature. If we understand that simple fact, we'll be on the road to an ever more fulfilling and strengthening partnership with our lifelong mates.
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56. An important factor in a good relationship is the exercise of giving one another space to enjoy the things each one likes to do. To expect that as a married couple, you should spend every leisure hour in one another's company is setting an unrealistic standard for your marriage, and after a while one or both of you are going to feel stifled. For example, men often take up sports activities with other men. Women go out shopping or spend hours talking with other women. These activities should not be seen as a threat to the relationship, but a bonus.
57. Interaction with people outside your relationship can only enrich and balance out your own lives, as you grow to appreciate one another. By giving each other space, you communicate the message: "I respect you as a person and I understand that you have needs different from my own. I also understand that I cannot fill all of your needs and you cannot fill all of mine, so I free you to cultivate friendships with other people and to experience life as an individual, as I also will."
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58. In your busy lives there are always more things to do than there is time for. As a result, the priorities are taken care of and the rest is put off until a later date. To have a happy marriage or relationship, communication must be regarded as a priority.
59. As water is to flowers and food is to the body, so is communication to a marriage. Forget to water the flowers, stop feeding the body, cease from communicating, and flowers, body and marriage will all die--a slow death, perhaps, but a death nevertheless.
60. Moral of the story: Make time to communicate. Discuss and agree together on a regular appointment where you will each give the other the opportunity to share what's on their heart. And keep that appointment as faithfully as you keep your appointments to eat, for those times are the emotional food for your relationship.
61. Likewise, those reserved times are a good opportunity to fellowship with the Lord together, reading the Word and hearing from the Lord in prophecy. As the husband or wife of your mate, you can be a great strength to them by making the Word a priority in your lives.
62. The Word is the secret of everything--including a good, healthy, loving and communicative relationship. It's difficult, if not impossible, to fill your mate's needs when you are spiritually drained and needy yourself. If your communication with the Lord is doing well, He will give you the supernatural love, strength and grace to be the best husband or wife you can be for your mate. (End of message from spirit helper.)
Building Good Communication by Making the Word Your Guide
63. {\b \i (Mama:)} We've seen how a good relationship means good communication between partners. But in addition to encouraging us to be honest, how does the Lord help us achieve this good communication? Dad explains in the following prophecy how making the Word and the Lord the center of your marriage will help you to have good communication. As he's taught us before, "If your communication with God is good, you will have excellent communication with your husband [EDITED: "or wife"], because God is the central exchange that makes the connection. Without good communication with your Lord, there cannot be much good communication between you" (ML #123:3). So in the following message, Dad explains more about how to have good marriages by looking to all the counsel available to you from the Lord, the Word, and your shepherds.
64. {\b \i (Dad speaking:)} There's been a lot written on the subject of marriage and how to have a happy marriage. There's been a lot pubbed in the Word on it, because the Lord knows people need His counsel and direction, and He wants to use your marriage as a blessing to others and as a useful tool in His hand.
65. Every marriage needs the help of the Word in order to make it a good and happy marriage. But young marriages in particular need it most of all, because they're just starting out. They have a lot to learn about each other and about relationships.
66. So if I could say anything to you young people who are just starting out in marriage, I'd tell you that the most important thing you can do toward building a happy successful marriage is to build it on the Word and keep the Lord in the center. You've probably heard this before in the Letters, where the Lord and I have given some of the best counsel and advice you can possibly find. So the next most important thing you can do is study it, believe it and apply it.
67. And shepherds, one of the most important things you can do in counseling young married couples is to not only speak from your own experience, which is good and helpful, but to point them to the Word--the written Word and the living Word of prophecy. There is such a wealth of wisdom, counsel and instruction which the Lord has poured out over the years to the Family, that it's a gold mine of good counsel! It will keep you on track for the rest of your life if you'll just follow it.
68. You have to believe that it really works and do the things the Lord says when it comes to your marriage. You have to believe it enough to practice it and apply it. You can look up almost any subject in the Word--in the Cat Book, the HomeARC, the Daily-Dex, or the individual indexes at the back of various books. You can find the counsel you need about relationships, marriage, communication, marriage problems, living the Law of Love, sharing, child-rearing, how to be a good husband or wife, how to be a good communicator, how to relate to your wife or husband, how to build a good marriage and have good communication--everything!
69. It's all there in the Word, in the {\b \i Marvellous Marriage} book and in the many other pubs we've produced over the years! The more you study the Word, apply the Word, and pray about what it says and how to implement it in your marriage, the more you will be building the foundation for a good, happy, successful marriage.
70. Marriage takes a lot of work! A good relationship with good communication takes a lot of work! How do you have good communication? How do you build a relationship with good communication? You pray and ask the Lord how to communicate, and when, and what to say. You study the Word on it and you do what it says. You go to your shepherds for counsel and direction on how to apply the Word. As you pray desperately and you keep applying the Word, you will learn and you will build good communication.
71. The one you need to build this good communication with is your wife or husband. Although you want to have good communication with everyone, you have to have the best communication with the one you're married to, right? So that's the person you need to work on your communication with the most, because they're the one you live with and you affect each other the most. So you have to really put an effort into working on your communication together and not give up. It takes time, it takes work, and most of all, it takes the Word and the Lord's help.
72. Some of you young married couples might say, "Well, I tried and it doesn't work! He or she just doesn't understand!" Or, "I just don't understand them!" My counsel to you is to keep trying! That's what love is--it keeps loving, it keeps being patient, it keeps going and it keeps having faith. And that's what good communication is--it keeps communicating, and it keeps trying to understand and be understood.
73. I know you're going to run into problems. That's why I say you have to look to the Word for the answers. You have to look to the Lord for His direction, and you have to be willing to be open with your shepherds and receive their help and counsel, too.
74. The marriages that build a good strong foundation the quickest, that overcome problems more easily, that get victories and go on and make progress, are the ones where the partners are open to counsel, seek help, communicate openly with each other and their shepherds, and base their love and their relationship on the Lord and His Word.
75. You're not your own, and you don't belong to each other: You both belong to the Lord first of all and most of all. If you keep the Lord in first place and as the most important one in your marriage, then you will find it much easier to follow Him and apply His Word in your marriage.
76. So, to all the young couples and newlyweds, I know you have a lot to learn in how to build a good marriage with good open communication, but if you make the Word your guide, you'll be building on the best foundation, the one that will last. It's the job of your shepherds to point you to the Word, both the written Word and hearing His voice in prophecy for today.
77. Every marriage is different, and it simply takes a lot of faith, love and prayer to make it work. But the good thing is that the Family has a lot of faith, love and prayer, good shepherds to counsel with, and most of all, the Word to direct your paths. So you have all that you need to build a happy marriage; you just have to have the conviction to make it work. (End of message from Dad.)
Who's the Boss?
78. {\b \i (Mama:)} As you can see from the prophecies above, the Lord places great importance on good communication, and He's teaching us how to go about it. He's not just asking us to have good, honest communication, but He's going into detail to explain how to have it, how to help it grow, and how to develop it through honesty and going to the Word.
79. Now I'd like to share a message with you that came when I was asking the Lord about who has the final say in a marriage. In the Bible, the husband is the head of the marriage and the wife is to submit to him, although in spiritual ministries they're equal, since there's "neither male nor female in Christ Jesus." However, with the new day and all that we have learned about Jesus being our Husband, I wondered if this would put a new slant or a new emphasis on who is the head of the household. So I asked one of our channels to bring this question before the Lord, to ask Him to explain to us how He sees the marriage relationship in connection with all of us being His brides--male and female alike.
80. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} This is a new day, complete with new weapons and new moves of the Spirit. Your queen is right in concluding that because I am your Husband and you are My bride (now more than ever), in the marital structure of things and if you would allow Me, I would be the Boss. I do not desire one to lord it over the other, nor do I desire to lord it over you, for I have called you friends and not servants.
81.{\b \i }Nevertheless, I am your Lord, your Lover, your Savior, your King, and as you bow before Me in obeisance I will bless your lives in every way. I will bless your marriages, I will bless your children, and I will bless your service for Me.
82. Traditionally, I did put the man over the woman. He's physically stronger and more decisive, and I gave him a protective instinct to care for and guard his wife and children, as well as to serve Me well in order to obtain My blessing on his life and his family.
83. Now is a new day, and while I am not saying to throw the basic foundation out--that of the wife yielding to the husband, honoring her husband, and yes, even obeying her husband in love--yet I give you a new factor. You, My strong, ever-young children of David, who have been raised on the New Wine of the Spirit, now realize that above all, I am your Husband, your Protector, your Keeper, and your Boss. I care for each of you as a husband cares for his wife. I care for you even more than that, for My love never fails and My wisdom never ceases.
84. I have made you, My strong men, devoted husbands, even still as weak men, prone to mistakes and fallible. And so I ask that even as you seek to be strong husbands and protectors and providers in the physical, you seek to grasp how I desire to be just this for you in spirit--and much more, for I am strong. I protect and I provide for you, and My help is not limited by physical resources, time or space.
85. So in all your getting, get wisdom, and humble yourselves before Me, acknowledging that My strength and wisdom is far beyond your own in all matters. In these last days, it is no longer sufficient for the husbands to say, "I must have the last word. I am the head of the house and I have experience in many matters." Nor is it sufficient for the wives to say, "I am skilled in the care of my children and my household, and it is I who must dictate in the making of these decisions."
86. We are entering times of war, times when you will no longer be able to rest on experience, skill, or even the wisdom and knowledge that I have given you, but you will have to rely only upon Me. So give Me the honor of truly being your Husband, of having the last say in all your decisions.
87. I call you to come before Me unitedly, in humility and deference, seeking My will above your own--above the will of the husband or the wife. Of course, you will always have your leanings and your preferences, along with the wisdom and the written Word I have given to you. I will continue to lead you as you prayerfully make decisions as a team.
88. But prepare now for the days ahead by making Me the Head of your house. You will not regret it. As you unite to seek My will and not your own, I will provide, protect, guide, and do the miracles along the path that I will show you! (End of message from Jesus.)
The Importance of Shepherding in Marriage and Other Love Relationships
89. {\b \i (Mama:)} In the counsel from Jesus and Dad above, they have listed various factors that will help in establishing a firm foundation, learning communication, and making your marriage and your life together fun and enjoyable, as well as fruitful. In the following messages, they go into detail about how shepherding and opening up your hearts to others outside your marriage can also help your love and your marriage to grow.
90. Although this concept seems contrary to the thought of a personal, private, intimate relationship between the two of you, the Lord and Dad explain how bringing in a third party as a counselor can make your bond of love deeper and give your marriage many benefits that you couldn't have otherwise. So read on! We hope you will find these prophecies a blessing.
91. {\b \i (Dad speaking:)} If I could get anything across to you newlyweds, young couples and folks who are finding yourselves in relationships, it would be the importance of going to your shepherds for counsel! This is the Lord's Own setup, folks! He's set this plan in place Himself. He's given you earthly shepherds for your advantage, to provide the help and counsel you need so you can get ahead. So use it!
92. Watch out about the worldly way of doing things today. Don't let it creep in and get ahold of you! You know what the trend is in the world today, especially among the youth?--To want to keep things secret, to keep things in. Those poor young folks in the System--I feel sorry for them! You can hardly blame some of them, really.
93. Because of the problems of society and the mess that the world has gotten itself into, the situation is such that many of these poor kids just don't have anyone to go to. They're so alone. Their parents are too busy to take the time to listen to them. They're not available most of the time anyway because they're too busy working like slaves in order to keep up with the bills and to make ends meet! Besides, they don't really have the answers. Their own marriages don't do well and are full of problems that they don't know how to solve, They don't have the insight that's needed to help their kids, and they are so concerned with their own difficulties that they wouldn't know where to start in helping their children.
94. Then when the kids go to school, often their teachers aren't available either. Teachers [EDITED: "and counselors"] in System schools--well, that's another story of its own! In some cases there aren't enough to go around. In other cases they aren't really qualified to be of much help to the kids. They hardly know what to tell the kids themselves, because out there in the world they've gotten away from the truth and the light. So more often than not it's a case of the blind leading the blind!
95. It's a vicious cycle out there in the cold, hard world! So most of the time the poor kids don't even try to speak up, to get counsel, and to pour out their hearts. Even the ones who do have someone they could talk to live in fear of the consequences that, if they did speak up and really share what was on their hearts, they might be pooh-poohed or booed down, or worse yet, they might get the boot in some way. There's not a lot of freedom out there in the world.
96. What set of parents in the System would even encourage their young folks to have a serious relationship to begin with? Ha! Well, certainly not at the age that you folks in the Family have the freedom to branch out in this. It's not looked on kindly at all in the System, where you have to fit into their mold, and you're not taught the true values in life, or how to live in love and enjoy the real freedoms of the Spirit that we have here in the Family!
97. In the world nowadays they say you've gotta work hard, go to school, graduate from university, then take your time working away in the System, establishing yourself in a career for a good amount of time before you can even begin to seriously consider having a permanent relationship with someone! In some cases, folks might be pushing 30 before they're able to even seriously begin thinking about it!
98. They have dating in the System, but that doesn't really do much to prepare you for married life or even give you much intimate knowledge of what your partner is like. You may hang around some together and do things together, but you don't really get down to the serious business of life. Mostly it's just fun and games. This doesn't teach responsibility and doesn't prepare folks for taking care of each other, having babies, and seeing each other through thick and thin.
99. We want our young folks to reach out and love each other, to share and communicate, to get close to each other! In our society, getting together and loving each other is a blessing! Having babies is a blessing! We look forward to it! We count it a blessing! We're not trying to discourage you and shut you up and force you into a situation where you have to hide and live in shame if the Lord is leading you to enter a relationship and open your lives to others!
100. God's ways are not man's ways, beloved! His ways are completely contrary to the ways of man. Let me tell you, unlike the world--where more often than not young folks are compelled by the conditions of society to be private, secretive, and to hold things in--we're encouraging you to be open and honest, and to communicate, because this is the way God intended it to be!
101. Being secretive and totally private in your relationships is a worldly concept! It's not the Lord's plan! It's against His Own structure of how He intended for things to be. The Lord intended for you to be open and honest and to communicate. It's the Devil's plan to be closed, secretive, private, and to hide things away in a dark corner.
102. The Devil himself has created all this secretive business, because he knows it's the door by which he can get in and do his work. Remember? I've told you this time and again, but I'm gonna repeat, repeat, repeat it here one more time! The Devil works in dark corners!
103. He knows that if he can get couples to be closed and shy away from shepherding, then they'll not be able to get the help they need. They won't get the advice they need, and the counsel and tips they need in order to have a good, rewarding, fulfilling, fun and happy union. And most importantly, they won't get the prayer that they need.
104. In unity there's strength, folks--in unity with your mates, with your brethren, and with your shepherds! How on earth do you expect to have strong unity if you're not opening up, counseling, and sharing your heart in all openness and honesty with those who can help you?
105. If you're in unity with your shepherds, as you go to them and get the counsel that you need, you'll be able to benefit and grow in your relationship and in unity. Your relationship will be strengthened in the long run when you benefit from all the wisdom, counsel and prayers of your shepherds! That's what they're there for!
Why Be Open About Your Relationship?
106. I know many of you are tempted to think, "Come on, Dad, this is private. I mean, it's a relationship. It's really nobody's business but ours." Well, folks, I'm not talking here about broadcasting all the ins and outs of your relationship to the world. I'm talking about getting good Godly counsel and advice from those who care for you, and prayer that will really help you and be a strength to you as you learn and grow in these areas of your life.
107. I'm talking here about wanting shepherding, because this is God's plan. This is the way He Himself set things up and intended for us to live. It's all a part of His plan to teach you, train you, and help you to grow into the role that He wants you to fulfill.
108. In the old days, families stuck together; they lived together. Parents helped their children, and when the children were old enough to get married, they still lived together (or at least in very close proximity), because the parents continued to help the young new couples get established. And the grandparents were around too! As elders of the family, they continued to help their children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
109. There's a lot to be said for the system of elders. It's the wisdom of the sages! Sometimes you could trace one family down to the third and fourth generation in one lifetime all living and working together and sticking together, because this is how God intended for it to be. He intended for families to have strong bonds and to stick together. And do you know why that is? Because the Lord knew this is how the younger generations would be able to benefit from the shepherding of their elders. The Lord made it that way for several reasons!
110. The System really has things turned around. Nowadays they preach that you're too young to get pregnant and have a family in your teen years, that you're not responsible enough, haven't lived enough and learned enough and so on. And they're right--most System teens aren't, and guess whose fault it is?--Their parents! It's because they're not willing to do their part to teach and train those young people through those times, to be right there by their sides teaching and training them through their relationships. They're not only unwilling to do it in the future, they haven't done it in the past when the kids were growing up, and most of those poor kids haven't received much in the area of shepherding for years.
111. The System is missing the whole point because of their selfishness. If they would allow young folks to grow the way God intended, and if the older folks would fulfill their roles as good parents and shepherds, the young people would learn and grow to be responsible, having their elders available for counsel as they go along. Oh, the world is in such a mess, all because they're not willing to live the way God intended for them to live!
112. God intended for you young folks to get shepherding as you enter into new relationships! This is the way God intended for it to be because He knew the value of counsel, and He knows you need it! We all need it!
113. Well, thank the Lord we have one big Family, and we have a structure where this is possible. Even if for one reason or another you young people aren't living in close proximity to your flesh parents, you have plenty of parents in the Lord, shepherds who are available, ready and willing to help and counsel you all you need. Right now, as you young people are getting more and more into branching out with personal relationships, and as we learn and grow and strive to put the Law of Love into practice in our everyday lives, it's important that you reach out to your shepherds for counsel and advice. In fact, many of you FGAs will find it helpful too.
Defeating the Enemy Through Shepherding!
114. As some of you are already experiencing, every relationship has its share of rough spots! That's just the way it is! It's not because there's anything wrong with you, and not necessarily because there's anything wrong with the relationship. One of the main reasons is simply because, as in all things, the Enemy is out to get you!
115. You're the "live ones," folks! And he's always on the lookout for a way to enter in and cause you trouble! He knows that when you unite with another, two can put ten thousand to flight. Believe me, he shakes in his boots at the very thought of that! So of course he's gonna try all he can to cause you to stumble! The Devil knows that as you grow and make commitments of love to each other, he's gonna have a mighty powerful force aimed against him! So he'll try to fight you.
116. But although the Enemy is out to cause you problems, the Lord also has provided you with shepherds who can help you, so you can head him off at the pass! You do this by being open and honest with your shepherds, by homing in on their wealth of counsel and advice, and uniting with them in prayer power when necessary.
117. Shepherds are the shortcut, folks! Why suffer in silence when you can find relief? Why walk around in a muddle and confusion when sweet relief is at your fingertips? God is a wise investor, and He's invested plenty in your shepherds--so take advantage of it!
118. You need it, you'll be better for it, and you'll have lots more fun along the way! Because you're gonna find out that you'll grow quicker that way. Your relationship will grow fuller that way because you'll be able to take full advantage of their experience! If you really want to learn, if you really want to grow and be able to benefit from all that the Lord has for you, you're gonna have to be open and honest with your shepherds in order to get the help you need.
119. I know that affairs of the heart can be very sensitive, but remember, your parents and shepherds are ordained of God to care for your souls! In the early days when your parents were learning, I had to shepherd them and counsel them plenty regarding their relationships! My goodness, Mama and I have written about love, sex, marriage and relationships in loads of older Letters--there's lots of wise counsel on relationships. I think if you'll ask any of the older folks who were around during that era, they'll tell you how much it helped them.
120. If you want to grow, you need to learn the value of shepherding and avail yourselves of it! Use it and benefit from it! Get counsel, get help, get prayer, be honest and open, and you'll save yourselves a lot of trouble and maybe even heartache in the long run! Wise up! Use the shortcut! The Lord put shepherds in place for a reason--to care for your souls! And not only that, but the Lord put'm there to make it easy on you!
Even the System Uses Shepherding
121. Even in the world today they promote shepherding, because it's the inborn nature of man to need this help. In the world, because so many fail to fill this role, such as parents and teachers, they're finding a need to put in place their own type of "shepherds." They call them guidance counselors, marriage counselors, psychoanalysts, psychiatrists, doctors of this and that.
122. These are all shepherds in their own right--worldly shepherds--and sad to say, more often than not, misguided ones, blind leaders of the blind, because they've gotten off the one true Center--Jesus! So many of these worldly shepherds are leading the masses astray. Nevertheless, the need for shepherding is there, because God created man to need a shepherd. When it comes to relationships, the System's got oodles of marriage counselors, guidance counselors, how-to books and manuals and whatnot!
123. But we in the Family have the true shepherds, those who care for your souls! And most of all, those who have the wisdom of God, who will unite with you to help you and love you, so that together you can find God's solutions.
124. Where else will you find such loving shepherds and parents in the Lord who are willing to love you, to understand you and your needs, who are willing to listen and to communicate, and who are humble enough to share their own experiences and mistakes so you can learn from them? They're willing to share their own discoveries, their own lessons, and their own tips and secrets for success--all to help you move toward a happy, fruitful relationship!
125. Together you can find answers and pull down new treasures and tips and jewels from the Heavenlies! There's nothing like the true counsel of the Lord, made available to you not only in the privacy of your bedchamber where you're able to receive His intimate, personal Words as He whispers in your ear, but also through the multitude of wise counsel--all that He's made available to you through your shepherds.
126. Take it from me, folks, you can't survive without it, because it's God's plan--and His plan always works best. Jesus Himself is the Good Shepherd, but He's given us all lots of good earthly shepherds to help lighten our load. If you want to grow and prosper in your relationship, take every advantage of this opportunity! It's there for you--so use it! (End of message from Dad.)
127. {\b \i (Mama:)} That's wonderful advice on shepherding from Dad, but how do you get the shepherding and advice you need if you're the shepherds or if your present Home shepherds can't help you for some reason? Well, there are always others you can turn to in the Family, thank the Lord! Maybe your parents are in a nearby Home and you can pay them a visit. Or maybe you'd feel more comfortable talking with the shepherds of a neighboring Home that you're close to and who understand your situation. Or maybe you have a close friend in your Home or nearby who's also married that you can counsel with and pray with. Or, if nothing else, you can always pour out your heart via mail or e-mail to your parents or other shepherds you know or friends you're close to who might be able to help. If there's no one in your Home or nearby, you can always reach out to others in this way for the help you want and need. Pray and the Lord can show you who to contact and what to say, or even bring someone along for a visit at just the right time!
What If It's Hard for You to Open Your Heart?
128. As I was working on this Letter, with Dad's admonition to counsel about your marriages, I was thinking further about the obstacles to counseling, things which can block or hinder us from opening our hearts to another person. One is that you may fear the person won't really understand the problem, perhaps because they haven't experienced the same thing themselves. Maybe they'll even give counsel that doesn't exactly apply, because they don't understand precisely what you're talking about. When one of our channels asked the Lord about this problem, He gave comforting advice:
129. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} When you seek counsel from Me, you know that I understand your heartcry; I understand even the things that you can't verbalize, and then I answer them in My counsel to you. But with earthly shepherds, My shepherds that I have placed on the Earth for you, it may take them a while to understand exactly what your trial is, and therefore a little while for them to know what to say, what Word to point you to, or what is the best solution for the problem you are facing.
130. Many times it just helps to have a listening ear and prayer. This is a great help, for all the reasons I have given. But you young people will be disappointed if you expect your shepherds' counsel to be perfect and to be straight as an arrow every time. They will fail, just as any humans fail. Yet I tell you that even in spite of your shepherds' imperfections and in spite of how you may feel they don't measure up sometimes, it is still better to counsel with them than to work things out on your own. That is why I give you shepherds, a third party who is wise and strong in Me, who can be a help.
131. Your shepherds love you greatly, and it is a great help just to have someone on your side who is loving you, supporting you, praying for you, and holding you when you are emotionally spent and in need of comfort.
132.{\b \i }It is a help because I bless counsel; I bless your opening your heart and sharing it with someone else. Because you do this, because you make this sacrifice to communicate, My treasures are opened up and My blessings flow. I have said, "If any two of you agree on Earth as touching any thing, it will be done of My Father which is in Heaven" (Mat.18:19). So if you and your counselor together agree to ask that I give a solution to a certain problem, I will do it! It is simply more effective than praying and working things out on your own. (End of message from Jesus.)
Dad to Shepherds and Counselors!
133.{\b \i (Mama:)} In the following message Dad addresses another problem which may hold some of you back from counseling. You may fear that your confidences will not be respected, and that those you counsel with--whether it's a shepherd or a friend that you've turned to for support and prayer--will then talk about your situation unprayerfully with others. If this actually happens, it could cause people who've shared their hearts to get very discouraged and disheartened. As you'll see from the following talk, Dad is very concerned that our shepherds respect the confidentiality of personal and intimate details shared with them.
134. {\b \i (Dad speaking:)} If people will look to the Lord first of all, that will be a big help. They need counsel, they need help, but first of all they need to look to the Lord, and He will give them many of the answers that they need. This is what was brought out in "Jesus, Our Good Shepherd" (ML #3113, GN 724)--the need for people to turn to Jesus as their Shepherd.
135. Yet times do arise when they need other counselors and other shepherds, and the imperfections of these shepherds can be a trial. Perhaps people are afraid that their shepherd will not respect the confidence that has been shared with them, and they'll tell all to someone else. Then their heartcries and the deep yearnings and questions of the heart will be exposed in an unkind way to others, to people who aren't involved and won't treat this information lovingly.
136. Well, I'll say this to you shepherds--you'd better be good shepherds! You'd better watch for your flock and take care of them! What do you do with information that someone shares with you in confidence? Do you close it away in your heart, and pray for that person, and treat it with the utmost care and respect? Or do you talk about it unwisely or unprayerfully with those who don't need to know, gabbing about it in an unloving way with the uninvolved?
137. Brethren, such things ought not to be! If I were there, I'd give a tongue-lashing to anyone who did that! I mean it! Just think if it were to happen to you! If you told your innermost secrets to someone and they turned around and spilled the beans to the next person they saw, you'd feel betrayed! You'd feel terrible! You'd feel like never opening your heart again.
138. You have to treat these confidences very carefully, very lovingly! If someone comes to you with marriage problems, even if they are real mad at their mate when they talk with you, you have to be quiet, prayerful, and you have to let them let off steam without your making a judgment. You have to listen, you have to be patient, and most of all you have to pray!
139. You have to realize that you don't know the answer! Only God does! And when you talk to one of these precious ones, one of these sweet kids who are going through it, you have to realize that Jesus died for this person! I gave my life, too, to build the Family and provide a loving environment for this person. So I don't want anyone to treat them unkindly.
140. When people come to you for counseling, you have to pray to be kind, loving, gentle, and most of all, let them talk. This does a great service! People pay thousands of dollars a year just to have someone to talk with--their analyst! But beyond just the listening, you have prayer. You can pray for the person. You can sympathize, and you can assure them that the Lord has the answer.
141. Remember that you don't always have to shoot back an answer to someone who is upset, or who is in emotional turmoil. If you know the answer, if the Lord gives you the answer, you can give it to them. Or if you know what Word to point them to, what Letters or what pubs, that's a wonderful help. But even if there's nothing you can do but pray for them and point them to the Lord, that's still a great help! Your listening ear and prayers will help them, and the Lord will certainly help them!
142. Assure the married couples and others who come to you that no obstacle is greater than He can overcome. No problem is too great for Him to handle, and no conflict is greater than He can solve. Things may look dark, but they're never too dark for His light to break through!
143. And I want you to remember this: When people come to talk with you, they're giving you one of the most precious things they have--their heart. They're laying out their heart and they're asking you to take care of it. They're trusting that you will take care of it--that you will not bruise it or hurt it, but that you will handle it with care and with love.
144. So the worst thing you can do is to then talk unprayerfully about what they said to you. Please, really pray about what you share with others when someone has confided in you. Pray about what you must tell your teamworkers or pass on to others. Realize that this is a very special gift that someone has given you--the gift of their trust and their confidence--and you need to respect that.
145. Above all, don't share these confidential things with people who don't need to know. Okay? I love you!--And I'm sure that you'll do a wonderful job in helping and counseling those who come to you. Many of you have been through a lot, and you've seen how the Lord's helped you, and this will help you to comfort others with the same comfort that you've been comforted with. It will help you to know how to point them to Jesus, to His Word, and to real faith and trust in the promises that He gave them when they got together.
146. So above all, remember this--love never fails, and real love will respect and treat with prayer the confidences that are shared with you, Okay? I love you! I'll be praying for you! I know you'll do great. God bless you! Love, Dad. (End of message from Dad.)
Shepherding and Counsel in Marriage--A Threefold Cord!
147. {\b \i (Mama:)} My dear ones, in the following message the Lord explains more about the obstacles to counsel and how they can be overcome. He also tells more of the wonderful benefits from using this method to resolve problems and better our situations.
148. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:)} I use the illustration of a threefold cord which is not easily broken in many situations and as an example of many things. And now I wish to use this illustration again with you. I want to illustrate marriage and relationships and the need for a third party, an uninvolved member, a shepherd or a friend who's strong in My Spirit.
149. I know that you've often heard the term "threefold cord" used before, especially when I've talked about marriage and how your marriage or relationship will be strong and secure if you have a strong connection with Me and if I am the center of everything. Now I wish to show you another angle, which has been neglected in recent years. That is the need to have shepherding and counsel in your relationships or marriages.
150. I know that there are many things that hold you back from receiving outside help for your relationship or marriage. Probably the biggest hindrance is pride. It's embarrassing and humbling to admit that you can't solve your personal problems on your own. It's humiliating to come before another and express your weaknesses and ask for their counsel. It's real tough to admit that you have problems and that you need prayer.
151. Another reason for not counseling is fear that your confidence won't be handled with care, that people will talk about your problems in an unloving way with others, and that the situation will not be represented fairly or accurately. Sharing confidences can sometimes lead to gossip, if not done with someone who is trustworthy and who will handle your heart with care. It's unfortunate that this can happen, but you still need to counsel, as you need the help and healing that it can give. The Bible says, "Confess your faults one to another and pray one for another, that you may be healed" (Jam.5:16). When you confess your faults to your shepherd and ask him or her to pray for you, the Bible says you will be healed. Your personal and emotional state will experience healing as a result of your being obedient and seeking counsel.
152. There are also other problems that come up: Perhaps no one's available that you feel comfortable talking with, so you just put it off. You get too busy and don't make your marriage or relationship a priority. There are many, many reasons why it's difficult to seek the help of others.
153. You want to be independent, self-sufficient, strong, and you don't want to be looked down upon as weak or in need of support. Well, even the best of marriages need some kind of outside input, some kind of third party that helps them to work out their difficulties and problems, together with Me.
154. When you're involved in a relationship or marriage, it's easy to get discouraged or in an uproar about little things, because you're so close to the forest that you can't see the trees. Therefore, you need others who can help you to see things in your life more clearly. Often when your emotions are so heavily involved, as is the case with marriages and relationships, it's just really difficult to find My will or to strive to do what you know I want you to do, especially when your emotions and feelings are pulling in the opposite direction.
155. I have allowed this feeling of inadequacy, this weakness, this flaw in marriages and relationships so that you would not only come to Me and receive My answers and instruction, but so that you would also go to those around you for counsel and instruction. You may wonder why I say that you need both, and that's a good question. You need both because marriage or other love relationships are just too complicated and too detailed for only two people to handle by themselves.
156. I've allowed you to have this feeling of inadequacy so that you would come to Me and to others. I have allowed marriage problems so that you'll be drawn closer together with the one that you love, so that you will come to Me and receive My specific instruction, and so that you will also include others in your marriage and receive their input and help, too. It's a threefold cord: you and your lover or you and your mate [EDITED: "who are "one flesh," as the Word says"], Me, and a third party--a friend who's strong in the Word, or a shepherd.
157. It's vital that you have links to others, so that you can vent your trials and frustrations to them, if need be. Instead of getting worked up and lashing out at your partner, you could go and talk to your shepherd or a counselor. Often you'll find that with a little communication and prayer, you'll be more calm and serene. Then you'll be able to go and talk with your partner in meekness and faith.
158. Sometimes you just need a listening ear when you're having emotional problems. You just need someone to fight with you in prayer, and this is what I want you to do when you have the need. It strengthens your ties with the others in your Home, or with the close shepherd or friend that you counsel and pray with. It strengthens you and strengthens your partner. It also strengthens the third party, because they're getting valuable experience; they're learning to make prayerful wise decisions, hear from Me, and exercise their gift of prayer. There's nothing but benefits when it comes to opening up your private relationship and receiving the help of another.
159. Sometimes I will be able to shepherd you clearly without another's help, as you hear My fresh Words of instruction. But there will be other times when it will be necessary to call on another. If you're very emotional or are having a hard time receiving My Words or applying My Words due to the emotional struggle in your life or mind, then it's always helpful to have someone else there who isn't physically involved--someone who can help you to apply My Words and give you wise, loving counsel.
160. It does take a lot of faith to open up to another at first. You have your little private relationship and you seem to be able to struggle through the problems and make it through okay. But if you would open your lives to counsel and shepherding and instruction, then you'd find that your relationship can actually grow and blossom. Your relationship will not just survive and barely eke out an existence, but it will become fuller, richer, more meaningful and deeper.
161. It takes humility. It takes faith and trust to share your heart with another, but you'll find that you really can't live without it. If you don't have someone that you're close to that you can confide in and share your heart with, then you'll find yourself getting familiar with your mate or partner and thus having a hard time making progress in your marriage or relationship.
162. There's also great power in united prayer together. If you can simply get together with someone to pray, if you're having problems or battles, even this can be a real strength. It doesn't matter whether you're newlyweds, whether you're a "vintage" couple, or whether you're just in a relationship and are not planning on getting married--all of this advice is for you.
163. I'm the best Marriage Counselor there is, and I counsel you to be open! Share your heart and receive the help of others! You may find out that some of the dear ones in your Home have been through the same things you're going through. You'll be able to wisely learn from their mistakes rather than having to go through the painful experience of making your own set of boo-boos.
164. There's really a lot that you can learn from each other. I work in every individual's life in different ways and each of you has a wealth of information, experience, and good advice under your belt. You don't have to be a designated shepherd or leader, because each one of you has a great deal of wisdom and knowledge that you've accumulated through the years of battles and trials that I've brought you through.
165. So be wise and communicate, for with such sacrifices I am well pleased. I will bless your obedience and I will cause your marriage to prosper, grow, blossom, and spring forth into a strong branch that will really last.
166. You must have My Word, you must have Me, you must also communicate with others--you must have all these. One cannot stand on its own, if you want your marriage or relationship to be a successful one. But all three combined will really cause you to go places and do things and grow in areas that you never before thought possible.
167. There's a threefold cord that's not easily broken, and that's Me, you and your partner, and Godly counselors. Don't neglect to dip into the wellspring of knowledge and good counsel at your fingertips--the written Word, as well as the knowledge of others who have been through much, that they may be an encouragement and comfort unto others. It's part of their reward and it's part of yours too.
168. Don't neglect to draw close to one another and receive the help and support you need through communicating heart to heart with those that I have placed in your path. (End of message from Jesus.)
Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family